Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 13

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 13

by | May 17, 2017 | Trust Your Gut

 

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 13

I am retaining water.  The scale is climbing.  I am still fighting a sinus infection and on antibiotics.  I am not scared to eat this week (I see the results of that on the scale) because my insulin and my body have started working together again.  That being said, I still do not feel well.  I am getting my sugars back under control, which is a good sign.  I am still experiencing sinus pain and pressure, my face is still puffy, and the headache is still bouncing around with an aura or two just to keep things interesting.

Where am I headed with my story this week?  Back to the doctor.  My sugars were slipping out of control for a while now, and I was avoiding a trip to the doctor because I thought I was doing something wrong.  I was not eating the healthiest choices and was blaming myself for the sugars being high.

People talk about that little voice in your head.  The negative one.  The one that whispers so quietly you aren’t even really sure if it is in there, but it is.  It’s the one that says my sugars are high because I am failing at my diet and the doctor isn’t going to want to help me anymore because I am not doing my part to take care of myself.  It is whispering that it is OK to try that ice cream because it is a new flavour and once you try it, you won’t wonder about it anymore.  Don’t get me wrong, treats are OK, but they aren’t meant to be an everyday thing in the life of a person with type 2 diabetes.  If I didn’t give in a little once in a while, I would give up and stop caring altogether, and that is not the path I want to walk on.

Another little voice is nagging in the back of my head, telling me that there might be something REALLY wrong.  Like when my knee was infected and my life had to go on pause in order to fight that infection and get better.  My knee still hurts, a little, from time to time.  It is not a muscle pain from any exercise related injury.  It still feels like jello sometimes.  You want to know the scariest part about that whole experience?  They still don’t know why or how it became infected in the first place.

I did what the doctors said.  I stayed as still as possible.  I got better.  I wore bandages for two months on my calves to reduce the fluid in them so I could be fitted for compression stockings.  They work really well because I force myself to exercise.  I have a job where I need to sit for most of my day.  I listen to music in my down time, and I dance in my chair.  I have a stool at my desk to elevate my feet to keep the fluids from pooling in my calves.  I put up my feet and bounce in my chair as much as I can.  Sitting still in a chair all day is not good for anyone.  So I move around to keep the blood pumping, and the music does keep me in a decent mood at work.

I have missed Zumba a lot the last few weeks.  With a migraine, I didn’t go.  With the sinus infection, I didn’t go.  I have decided that I need to revisit the doctor I saw last week.  I am on day 8 of the antibiotics.  Day 10 is on a Friday.  The doctor is only at the clinic Monday to Friday.  Saturday is not a day I want to spend waiting to see a doctor.      I am not getting better fast enough.  I need more help.

When you have issues with weight, it is easier to live in denial about the state of your health than to go to the doctor about it.  It is a vicious cycle.  Eat sleep avoid living and just exist.  If you are morbidly obese like I am (I am fighting for the day I can stop having to use that description for my weight) then it is just that.  It is so much easier to not care and eat whatever you want and be miserable on the inside, faking the happy person you appear to be on the outside.

Because it is all a huge cover up.  Acting.  Pretending everything is OK.  It’s not.  Anybody that has issues with their weight like I do is not happy.  Not truly.  And if you are listening to that little voice and believing it when it says that the junk food will make you happy, you are letting that little voice in your head lie to you.  And you are falling for it every time you listen.

If you are like me, there are discussions that happen with more than one voice in your head at the same time. (That will be a good thing when I am hearing the characters from my book  talk in my head when I write).  I spend more time talking myself out of things than I do talking myself into them.  Because it is easier to do the thing that is not the best choice most of the time.  Easier does not mean better.  If you want something, you have to work for it.  It is easy to be fat.  It is hard work to be healthy.

And then the littlest voice of all whispers that I will still need surgery when I lose the weight because I will have flaps of skin left hanging around.  It is a fight I have been having inside of my head for years.  That one little voice has been working against my wishes to be a healthier person.  It is so quiet, and then it sneaks in and gets a little pushier and louder and then I realize I went off plan again.  I tell myself that I won’t feel guilty about it, but I have layers and layers of guilt protecting my body from the healthier person that I could be.

I have also had a former doctor treat me like a hypochondriac.  I stopped wanting to go to the doctor because he wasn’t listening to me, or taking anything I was telling him seriously.  When he moved away I was lucky that my next doctor was one of the good ones.  He is an advocate for people that try to improve their health, and he was supporting me in my efforts to become a healthier person.

Last month a letter came in the mail.  My current doctor is moving away too.  I am afraid that the next doctor will be another bad one.  So scared that I have been avoiding making an appointment to go, and avoiding my regular blood work as I know the numbers are not going to be good.  Not at all.  I am secretly terrified of what is going to happen when I get another doctor.  That is not how I want to live my life.

So, I am going to the clinic in the morning before work tomorrow.  Not where my new doctor will be, but to the one in the mall where I work.  He diagnosed the sinus infection, and he saw me a little more than a week ago.  I need to feel like trying again.  So I am going to ask for more help.  Because what I am doing now isn’t working, and it is time to try something different.  I want to be better.  I want to get back to living my life, not just merely surviving it.  It is hard to go back to the doctor because I am scared that I will be told to give the antibiotics more time.  Or that he will prescribe the same ones for a longer time.  That is a part of the reason the other doctor thought I was a hypochondriac.  He thought everything that was wrong with me was because of my weight.  He made me doubt myself, and that is why I am having such a hard time with all of this.

My gut tells me that the antibiotics aren’t working.  Tomorrow I will let the doctor know what I think, and I hope that he will help me find another way to feel better.  I hope that a week from now I am back to prep cooking, and Zumba, and feeling like trying to be that healthier person I want to become, again.

Trust Your Gut.

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 13

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 12

by | May 11, 2017 | Trust Your Gut

 

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 12

Sometimes I am scared to eat.  I know;  a morbidly obese person is not expected to write those words.  I am so overweight that it could kill me, and I certainly didn’t end up weighing this much by not eating, that is for sure.  But there is this thing I have called type 2 diabetes.

Let’s get it straight.  I am a person that has type 2 diabetes.  The same way I am a person that has thyroid disease.  The same way I am morbidly obese.  The same way I have allergies.  All of these descriptive phrases contribute to different parts of me, but they do not define me.  I think that it is the time that we all take a look at that and really think about it.  Because saying that someone is a diabetic is almost the same as saying they are not a person, because of how you say it.  I am a person that has diabetes.  I am a woman that has blue eyes.  The colour of my eyes does not define me, but it is a part of many things that contribute to me, the person as a whole.  In a world where people are way too quick to label people and judge them, I think it is time to stop doing this.  The world is changing all the time, and people are trying to be more politically correct.  If we all think of each other as people that have many adjectives to describe them, it is a good place to start.  We all have our good qualities and we all have our issues.  Mine are not the same as yours, but we all have issues and good qualities.  That is the common ground we all have together.

Back to being scared to eat.  I am learning how to treat blood sugar lows.  I have learned to drink a juice box, and have a sucker or a candy, and wait.  I then check my sugars again.  If they are responding to the treatment, I stop panicking and move on with my day.  If they don’t, I may go overboard and eat too much candy to get my sugars up, and then I have to figure out what to do to bring them down again.  If I overreact and they are high, it means I am not panicking about them being too low anymore, but that means they are too high.  This is one scenario similar to what I am writing about, except there is another time when I am really scared to eat.  When my blood sugars are high, and I don’t know why.

I am starting to learn what I should eat to bring my blood sugars down.  It is not an easy thing to figure out.  I take insulin, and if you take too much, it is possible to die from an overdose.  I am very scared that this could happen to me.  So I am careful if I have to take more insulin than a regular dose when my sugars are higher than normal.  But how much is too much?  Some days I don’t even know how much I should take.  On those days I either play it safe by not taking too much which is usually not enough,  or I check my sugars every couple of hours to make sure I am not dropping if I take that larger than normal dose.

If my sugars are high and I am not able to get them to a normal level with insulin, that is uncharted territory.  I am fighting with them a lot this week.  I am worried that there is a reason behind them being so high, and for why it seems so hard to get them back under control.  It can be a sign that something else is going on in my body like it is fighting an infection. I will be honest here, I have never seen them as high as they were this past Sunday night.  I took insulin.  Got up the next morning, and they were down, but still high.  I took 2 doses of insulin that were quite high when I added them together, because of how close the doses were taken.  Only after the second dose did I see a change, and it wasn’t drastic, and I didn’t crash with a blood sugar low.  I went to Zumba Monday night, and they were almost within normal range.  I have not had a spike in high blood sugar like that today, but I am STILL fighting to get them under control and keep them within normal range. (I am writing this on Tuesday evening).

When this is happening, I am scared to eat.  I am scared that anything I put into my mouth will cause my sugars to go even higher.  It is not a weight thing.  I am worried that my blood sugars will just keep climbing and I won’t be able to get them back under control.  I know I need to eat.  I know that if I make healthy choices, things will have to change, it is just a matter of time.  But delaying that meal can be detrimental to what could happen.

Let’s say I just don’t eat.  My sugars might spike as my body tries to keep sugar in my bloodstream without the addition of food.  Eventually, the sugars will drop.  I then become a little desperate, hangry, and indecisive.  That combination will eventually lead to my blood sugars dropping.  This is not productive and does lead to a panic when I realize that my sugars are starting to drop.  It is at that time that I reach for an easy meal or snack that may not be the healthiest thing for me to eat, and the roller coaster has fuel to continue.

What I have learned is that if I wake up with a pattern of high blood sugars, I do need to increase my long-acting insulin dose.  A little at a time, until I have normal fasting blood sugars in the morning.  Then I can ease it off.  Protein is supposed to help with this also, and I am trying to find a bedtime snack that does more good than harm.  Throughout the day I have to test frequently, to help sort out what is causing the blood sugars to be high and not normal.  This may cause me to skip a snack because of the level I see when I test.  It also may cause me to delay eating because I am scared that it is only going to make things worse.

And then it happens.  The insulin starts working again, and I am not having blood sugar highs anymore because I am now fighting blood sugar lows.  This is a byproduct of getting them back under control.  When my body decides to accept the insulin, it does it suddenly, and I am scrambling again to get my sugars within normal levels.  If I am not monitoring them constantly during this time, I risk them staying too high if I am not taking enough insulin, or having to lower my doses because my body is responding and I am taking too much insulin.  It is difficult at times to try and outsmart this diabetes that I have, and that is why I am scared to eat sometimes.

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 13

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 11

by | May 4, 2017 | Trust Your Gut

 

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 11

I bought my first tankini. I went to one store and tried on the one piece swimsuits.  I was disappointed.  So I had to go outside of my comfort zone.  The people working there were helpful.  They told me that the best thing about a 2 piece was that if you had to go to the bathroom, it was a lot easier.  I thought about that and decided to try on a tankini.

The style I chose has a tank top and shorts.  Everything is still covered.  Just like a normal bathing suit.  The shorts are comfortable.  The top was a challenge.  I need support, but didn’t find the right kind in the first few tops I tried on.  Support in a swimsuit = constrictive.  It felt too tight.  So I kept trying on different tops until I found one that fit right in that area.

Then it was the wrong style.  Of course.  So the search continued.  I settled on a striped one that looks just like a tank top.  Then I went swimming.  The top floats!  I didn’t want one that did that, and I was assured that they don’t do that now.  That was my main reason for wanting a one piece.  I was a little paranoid at first.  There is a built-in bikini support in the top.  So I just fussed with it a lot but had a good time swimming.  It will be OK for Aquacise, I think.  It will take some getting used to but I think it will work better than my old swimsuits.  It actually fits and was a size smaller than the other ones I tried.  Yay me!

While travelling this past weekend, I let the plan slide a little.  I didn’t overeat.  I ate healthy choices when I could.  I ate, and I didn’t worry too much about it.  Sometimes life takes priority.  You do what you can, and let it slide a little.  Then you have to get back on track.  For me, prep cooking helps me to stay on track.  I have to do the work so that when I want to take the easy way out, the easy way IS to stay on plan.  I have learned this while on THM, and I am the only person that can make those choices for me, so ultimately, it is up to me.

A friend introduced me to spaghetti squash.  I was reluctant to try it.  I do like squash as a side dish, but I had never tried spaghetti squash before.

It sat in my kitchen for a week before I bit the bullet and tried it.

I was pleasantly surprised!  I now eat spaghetti squash a couple of times a month.  It is good with spaghetti sauce.  It is good in spaghetti pie.  It is good in casseroles.  The verdict is that I like it.

When we have spaghetti, I have spaghetti squash instead of the pasta.  I load the sauce on it, and the parmesan cheese and eat until I am full.  Without the tired feeling that I get when I eat pasta.  I call it SPAGHETTI SALAD! What a wonderful gift my friend gave me when she told me to take that spaghetti squash home to try it.  If you haven’t tried spaghetti squash, try it with an open mind.  It really is worth it for me, and if you like it, you can thank me for the tip after you try it.

If you don’t know how to cook it, I didn’t either.  Here is a link for cooking it in the microwave or the oven:

How to cook a spaghetti squash in the microwave or the oven

I found this link and the one below in my own internet searches, all credit goes to the authors of the instructional pages.  The other method I can recommend is the slow cooker.  You can find the instructions for that here:

How to cook spaghetti squash in a slow cooker aka crock pot.

So my tip for you this week is to try spaghetti squash if you have never tried it before.  If you already love it, maybe try it in a new recipe, or try another healthy recipe that you have been hesitant to cook for whatever reason.  Just go for it!  And comment below if you did.  Let me know how it turns out!

Do you have a favourite way to cook spaghetti squash or a favourite recipe for making spaghetti squash?

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 13

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 9

by | Apr 20, 2017 | Trust Your Gut

 

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 9

Timing is very important.  When I started the THM plan, I was shocked at how often they eat meals and snacks.  I had heard before that you should eat 4-6 smaller meals a day, instead of 3 large meals.  It is incredibly important to make sure that you never get hangry.  Yes, I spelled that correctly;  it is when you are so hungry that you start to get angry.  Just like on the Snickers commercials.  Not that they are the healthiest choice, but in a pinch, they can help you to combat low blood sugar and hangry feelings.  They are not on plan, though.

So how does this adapt in the real world?  I do get breaks at work, and they are not quite at the 3-hour mark, but I make do.  I have fruit and protein for my snacks.  It is really easy to eat an unsweetened applesauce and some laughing cow cheese.  I have also been known to snack on turkey pepperoni sticks.  The kind I like is not too spicy.  I have a low tolerance for spicy foods and am very sensitive to spices.

Meals vary for my lunches and suppers.  I enjoy grabbing a banana on the way out the door, again not on plan, but that is my quick dairy free and iron free start to my day.  The thyroid pill requires water and an empty stomach for it to work properly, to avoid these foods for two hours after taking it, so I don’t have side effects.  I have tried other things, but the food I can eat in the car when my husband is driving me to work is what I choose.  I also have black coffee when I get to work.

When I prep cook, it is the best way for me to stay on plan.  I have tried a lot of THM recipes, and I really like them.  I have been slacking in the prep cooking department.  I have things I can make, but I am not feeling like cooking.  Part of that is the effort, part of it is the storage situation, and the other part is that my husband is not on the plan with me.  Sometimes that requires making two meals, or different side dishes.  Again, more time, energy, and effort.  Not to mention that I don’t jump up to do the dishes every day like I should.  I know that is a different story, but it all ties in together with a big pretty bow.

If I make my lunch, there is a good chance I will be on plan.  When I don’t, I can stay on plan, but it is more difficult to buy lunch and stay on plan.  I am getting better at it, but the budget dictates that I need to start prep cooking again.

There are also meals when my husband and I don’t eat the same thing at all.  If I am eating on plan, he may have something that he likes instead of joining me.  That used to bother me.  Now I try and think that if he isn’t having the same thing as me, then there is more for me to eat and stay on track longer with.  So it is all about perspective.  And timing.

When the time is right for you, the choices will be easier because you are ready.  It took me most of my life to feel like I was ready to tackle this plan and become healthier.  When I found it, the timing was ripe for me to make a change and try something new.  I didn’t know then that it was going to be the answer for me, and that all I have to do is get serious about staying on the plan.  It is time to get serious.  Are you with me?

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 13

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 8

by | Apr 12, 2017 | Trust Your Gut

 

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 8

I am following the Trim Healthy Mama (THM) Plan.  They have some books on the program, and it is implemented into your life, the best way you can.  I am honestly telling you that I am trying.  I am also going to admit that I am struggling.

I can’t seem to find my willpower.  It is so easy to eat the unhealthy, off plan things.  They are all prepared and full of preservatives, and sugar and other junk, but they are literally the no-brainer choice.  When you are hungry, and there is a choice of something quick and easy, it is SO easy to fall into that pattern.

I am not an official THM trained coach, I am making my own way, and not on plan 100% of the time.  But I do see the value of it.  I have seen myself make little changes along the way, and I believe that they will all add up one day.  Someday I will realize that the changes I am making added up to enough effort to make a difference.

I keep checking my waistline.  Every once in a while I stand straight, with my hands on my waistline, and I think that it is smaller.  I just measured it for fun.  It isn’t.  One day it will be.

I have decided that it is time to start looking for a new bathing suit.  The last time I did that I was ready to throw in the beach towel.  I tried on all the one piece suits I could find, in all the local stores.  The very last one I tried on was the one I bought.  It was perfect.  The straps have lost their elasticity, and I tied knots in them last summer to hold the bathing suit in place.  It does not fit right anymore, so I have decided to start hunting for a new one.

It must be a one piece.  I refuse to buy a bathing suit that has a skirt.  Support is a must.  It has to fit right, be fashionable, comfortable, and practical.  I would like to say it will be a size or two smaller than the last one.  Maybe next year I can do that.

When I find one I like, I am going to look into swimming more often.  I would like to get back into Aquacise classes.  I used to go, and I think it is time to get back into a swimming pool on a regular basis.  A long time ago, on an island on the East Coast of Canada, I used to teach swimming lessons.  I love swimming as much as I love dancing.  I think it is time to start adding in new activities to help me want to make smarter choices about what I eat.  One small change at a time, I will regain control of my health, my body size, my energy levels, and my life.  It all comes down to me.  I know the easy way is how I got to be in this predicament.  I have to set my mind to working my way back out, one small change at a time.  Then it won’t be such a daunting task to get a new bathing suit.  Having a choice of several bathing suits instead of the only one that works will be something to look forward to.