Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 73 | Looking Myself In The Eyes

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 73 | Looking Myself In The Eyes

I need to clarify that my recent success is not as good as it appeared to be last week. I knew something was off on the scale, and I tried to believe it was true. It happened at least once before. My scale had a false reading. One I happened to take a picture of, coincidentally, but I have not lost as much weight as I thought I did. Which is both more realistic in terms of healthy weight loss, and beyond frustrating, simultaneously. The last time I checked I weighed in at 313.1 pounds. Still better than July, but not as good as it looked last Friday.

In the second week of working with Coach Elaine, I have not been as diligent. I did what I always do when I have success. I listened to the inner gremlin, which I previously wrote about in Part 56 of the Trust Your Gut category. It convinced me that I didn’t have to be so strict with what I was eating. Old habits creep in when I am doing well, which is why I have such a hard time finding success.

Self-Sabotaging Only Hurts Me

To understand why this happens, I fear I might have to go really deep inside. This inner reflection will take time, more time than I have if I want to publish on time this week. I have begun the process, and I have seen the results. They are positive. So why do I slip up every time I get something good going for myself? This is something I feel a lot of people like me struggle with.

It’s like when you need to take medication all of the time, and when you do, you feel better, so you stop taking the medication. First, it is never advisable to stop taking medicine without medical supervision. Second, for most situations, this does not allow you to continue to feel better because the medicine is the reason you were feeling better in the first place. The medicine as a general rule does not make anyone sick, it makes you better. I do understand this is a general rule and does not apply to every circumstance. Consequently, when you stop doing things that make you feel better, you relapse or feel worse than you did before you started.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. ALWAYS check with your doctor before making any changes regarding your health. I also realize that side effects can sometimes seem worse than the disease. I am not advising anyone to make any decisions about their own health without discussing all of the options with their doctor, or without being your own advocate for your own health without including medical professionals in that discussion.

When I take this concept, which usually refers to the treatment of mental health, or taking antibiotics for less than the prescribed number of days, and compare it to people like me who are morbidly obese, there are similarities. I slipped and got back into old habits last week. More fast food came in. It is like I am testing my body to find out how much it can take before I start putting on weight again, to fail at this healthy lifestyle.

When I slip up, the inner gremlin laughs delightedly.

Maybe that is why I hear ringing in my ears constantly. I am kidding; although I do have tinnitus, and it is another irritation I am contending with. Will I turn down my music when I bounce the house? Not a chance. I love music, and the louder it is, the more I love it. Maybe it is so I can’t actually hear myself singing along. Whatever the reason, I will always crank the tunes when I am listening to them. My hearing is not suffering that I can tell, so I will keep on the way I always have.

What I do mean is that when I slip up and make poor choices, misery loves company, as the saying goes. One poor choice is not so bad, and then I make another one. Before I know it, I have picked the easy way more than the healthy way, and the inner gremlin is cheering me on! When it is in charge, I don’t make the right choices. When I don’t make the right choices, I am not being kind to myself. Which I learned last week, is something I need to learn how to do better. When you don’t know why you make poor choices, it is harder to convince yourself to make better ones.

And when you do choose to be kind to yourself, and you are kind to yourself, the inner gremlin is threatened. It starts acting up and throwing temper tantrums like wild cravings into your mind, and the next thing you know, you give in and go to the nearest drive-thru. Because it is easier to feed the cravings and the inner gremlin than it is to be kind to yourself and make the right choices.

How does this all fit in with what I am doing?

In Trust Your Gut Part 56, the one linked above, I wrote about looking at myself in the mirror. As my week 2 takeaway from the VIBE method created by Coach Elaine, I decided that I was going to practice looking at myself with love when I look into my own eyes in the mirror. I want to see me, not a morbidly obese person with type 2 diabetes, just me, a person who is worthy of love.

In the session, I talked about how I feel when my husband looks into my eyes. He has always looked at me as a person, and it was one of the first things I found attracting me to him early in our relationship. It stayed with me from then and still does, as something we have always been able to do, to be connected to each other by looking into each other’s eyes.

It has been such a profound feeling for me while being in a relationship with him, that I wrote about it in the song I wrote for our wedding. (Don’t worry, I didn’t sing it for him). When I think about how our relationship started, and how we have managed to be together for 25 years, 9 of them married, I know the love I see in his eyes when he looks at me funny holds the answer.

As long as I keep trying to do better, I am winning. Maybe not on the scale every single week, but certainly in my heart, where it counts the most.

This week I will do better.

Yes, it is Thanksgiving on Monday here, in Canada, so I am not going to have a perfect week. I will indulge, eat too much, and try not to regret too many food choices. The food will be homemade, not fast food, shared with family in combination with spending time together. I may not have pie with every meal, but I may have some in moderation. Followed by a short walk if the weather cooperates.

I challenge you to look into your own eyes with kindness and love, to start healing yourself in your heart and soul. Seriously, take a look in the mirror without judgement, criticism or hate. Leave the inner gremlin under your foot on the floor, where it belongs. It doesn’t love you. You do, and you need to let yourself know that you are beautiful from the inside out. When you do this often enough, it will not only become a good habit, but you will start to see changes. A phrase came to me in my sleep a few weeks ago, and I didn’t know what it meant. I think it belongs here.

Be Your Own Inside Out

Find the love in your heart and treasure it until it grows so big you can’t keep it inside anymore. Let it radiate and glow, to be seen by and shared with everyone you meet. I am seeing this in different areas of my own life, and because I know it to be true, I know it is something we all can do. I believe in you. Start with yourself.

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

#TrustYourGut

Weekend Warrior #61 It is time to Catch Up!

Weekend Warrior #61 It is time to Catch Up!

Hello, Weekend Warrior fans! It is time to catch up. It seems like I blinked and a month went by. I have been busy. I will go over some highlights from the last month. This way it will be organized, and it will be like we are catching up after a break. ūüėČ

Four weeks ago I was invited to a Jack & Jill bridal shower. It was for a couple that I met at work. They no longer work with me, but the friendship has continued. My husband & I introduced them to the world of Dungeons & Dragons. We taught them the basics, and they formed their own gaming group. Every once in a while we get together, and it is always fun to hang out.

My friend and I were both invited, so we planned to go together. We planned some Bachelorette style gifts, as neither of us really knew what to get, and we wanted to bring fun presents. The bride to be had told me once she wanted to host a passion party. If you know what that is ūüėČ then you know the gifts were couple related. I will say that I did get them some dice, but they are not for D&D.

Off we went way out to the Boonies to a place I had never been before. The bride¬†to be wanted to know if I needed directions. I googled it. I knew what highway and what¬†house number. It was about 40 minutes outside of the city, at her parents’ place.

It was a potluck. I brought cheese and crackers. I also brought a “deconstructed” which means build your own taco salad. My friend is a vegetarian. This way he could have the salad without the meat. We ate, and then they opened the gifts. There were a lot of nice gifts. The gifts my friend and I brought definitely stood out, and were memorable. ūüėČ

We then took pics with the couple and headed home. I found in the last 3 weeks with so much social activity on Saturdays, I was really tired on Sundays. Other than Happy Writing Chat on Twitter & Facebook, I did very little and rested up.

The second weekend was a lot of fun. The Bride to be extended an invitation to go to the Bachelorette party. I have not had a lot of invitations of this sort, which made me decide that I really should go. I asked my friend if he was going to join us, and he agreed it would be fun. So we met at the gaming venue downtown. It is called Unplugged, and it is a place to go play board games. There is a $5 cover, and they have a limited snack/light meal menu. As it was the first stop of the evening, I opted in for Mozza¬†sticks. I will vouch for them having the second best Mozza¬†sticks in the city, right after Houlie’s¬†Pub. The Mozza¬†sticks there are amazing.

We played a game called red flag. The idea of it was to take 2 white cards to make a dream date description for whoever’s turn it was. The second round was to place a “Red Flag” card, which was something that was not a desirable trait. Things like he rescued an animal on tv, owns a unicorn or looks like Ryan Reynolds were examples of white cards. The only two red cards I remember involved swiping through tinder amidst intimate relations, to put it politely and the other one I remember was a hoot. Compulsively licks doorknobs. Hilarious. We had enough people there that once we all had a turn, it was time to go to the second stop of the night.

I really wanted to try Unicorn Lemonade at Boston Pizza. That ended up being where we went. I had the regular, non-spiked version, as I was driving until I went and picked up the hubby after work. I ordered the salmon dinner, and some people had food, some just drinks. When I had finished eating and had 2 Unicorn Lemonades, I snuck off to get to get Roy from work, so I could pass off the keys and have a few drinks with the ladies. I do not drink and drive. Ever.

I had some draft at the start. I really liked it. Black Horse Premium Lager is a good glass of draft. I had 2. It is brewed in Newfoundland. I then got my favourite cocktail. I like to have a Long Island Iced Tea when I am out having some social drinks. I had 2 of those, as well. I got invited to have some shooters with the ladies, and I was game. I kept up pretty good for being a decade older than most of the gang. We went to Dooly’s. It is a pool hall. It was close to Boston Pizza, so that also worked in our favour for the floating party.

We played a few theme games, had novelty straws and pins. We even got tattoos. LOL, the temporary kind. I got the one that said, “Bride Tribe”. It was gold¬†and stayed on for almost a week. One of the bar staff joined us and got a tattoo. I then fist bumped with him for the rest of the evening. The next day I “confessed” to my husband about the tattoo. I got a look until I revealed it was a temporary one. I am full of surprises, and I think he might actually believe it by now.

We did more dancing than playing pool. There was a jukebox that someone picked really awesome music on before someone else changed it to hip hop. Different genres & generations happen everywhere. Another thing I noticed that set me apart from the generation of the rest of the party was the dancing. I didn’t grow up with access to music videos like the generation behind me. I was very entertained when they got together and they all knew the moves for the songs. I couldn’t match it, but it is fun to watch people dancing like they are in the music video.

My husband didn’t stay at the party, he had to work the next day. I was able to hitch a ride with one of the designated drivers and actually helped her navigate from the passenger seat when I could. I am not from the city originally, but I have learned quite a few street names and areas. I felt useful, and that was good.

Last weekend was the wrap up of the three-weeks of wedding activities. They did it! They tied the knot! I was surprised at how quick the ceremony actually was. I got a little lost on the way there, but it was okay. The bride looked beautiful. The Groom looked happy. They marched down the aisle to “The Imperial March,” in keeping with their Star Wars theme. The save the date card & invitation hinted it would be a part of their day. They served Breakfast for dinner at the reception. They entered the reception hall to Weird Al singing “Wrecking Ball” I knew as soon as I hear the accordion that it was a Weird Al song. It made me smile.

After the first dance, I had to run out to get my husband, again. He needed to eat, and I desperately wanted to change clothes. The shoes I had on were cute but awful. I also was having trouble with the compression pantyhose. One pair I have is really uncomfortable. The other seems better, but I didn’t need that colour that day. I tolerated them for as long as I had to.

I did have some wine at home. I wasn’t driving any more at that point. Roy drove us back, and we signed the card in the parking lot. We went in. I had a rum and coke and hit the dance floor. I requested a few songs and mingled. It is what I do at parties. ūüėÄ Roy got to meet some of the guests. The bride and groom were both happy that we both made it there for the dance. I had a shot of tequila with the groom and switched to water. I know it is important to hydrate when I am drinking, so I make a point of making sure I have water. The week before I refilled the Long Island Iced Tea glasses with water and had it in the middle. I like to drink socially, but I don’t like to go too far. It isn’t good for me to be not in control, I just like to have a few now and then. Other than my once a week wine, that happens almost every week for review purposes, to expand my own wine tasting skills, I actually don’t drink as often as I used to. I have to think about my health, and I have to be smart about it. Sometimes I will skip wine week, and go for 2 or 3 weeks without any alcohol. It depends on what is happening, and what the budget is. It might seem like I had a lot in the last few weeks, but it was out of the ordinary.

I did leave a wedding present when I found out where they were. As I was saying goodbye to the bride and groom, I told him I hoped he liked the gift. He thought I meant the gift from two weeks earlier, and his reaction was priceless! The laugh was worth it. I got them a Star Wars themed present, and lovebirds themed ornament. Since their guestbook was a painting of a tree with lovebirds, I thought it was a fitting combo.¬† ¬†I hope they liked it, and also that they have opened it by now. Otherwise, I may have spoiled a surprise, but it was a week ago, so it isn’t like they haven’t had a chance to open the gifts.

Finally, I can recap this weekend. I started to get serious about cleaning. I hosted a small BBQ potluck for a few authors. We happened to time it so they could watch the write your book draft in an hour webinar, and while I cooked on the BBQ, they watched the presentation on my laptop on the patio. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon, perfect for an outdoor BBQ.

We talked about the Kit Sora Flash Fiction contest, as 2 of the 3 Author Amigos, one being me, have already entered some of the contests. The current pic for the contest is of a woman sleeping in a nest, with eggshell pieces around her and pink feathers around her shoulders. We talked about story concepts. I then drove the other two authors home and started back at the cleaning. I have company coming soon, and it cannot be put off any longer.

I ended the day by calling my father to wish him a Happy Father’s Day. We had a nice chat. I know that I am lucky to still have both of my parents still married and alive. We don’t always see eye to eye on everything, but we are family, and that is what matters.

Well, I think that catches us up. It is a long one this week, but I had to fit in a lot of fun adventures. I hope to get back on track with these being weekly entries again, now that I am up to date.

How was your weekend? Have you attended any weddings where something memorable stuck with you? I’d love to read about it! People have so many ways of personalizing their weddings now that it is really neat to find out what others did. One of the most memorable things other than getting married during Hurricane Earl for our guests was that we had a candy bar as well as an alcohol bar at our reception. It was very popular with our guests.

 

#Tishspiration Strikes Again!

#Tishspiration Strikes Again!

I have had a lot of success with the #DanceWithJanet video audition on my own sharing of the dance video. I am watching the number of views climb while waiting for a response from Ms Jackson, herself. When something like this happens, it is good to keep your feet on the ground (unless you are dancing, of course)! #Tishspiration Strikes again! I have been Tishspired to share a little more about this adventure with the world.

I am sure that there are some people out there who know me that are worried about my sanity. I am fine. It was something that I couldn’t pass up trying for. Whatever the outcome, I did my¬†best. I think of it as possibly a mid-life¬†crisis at the worst. I am trying¬†to make my¬†mark on this world while I am here.

People have talked to my husband about it. They want to encourage him to support me. He does. We have done the Long Distance Relationship thing twice before. It is not easy, but it would not be a problem. People that haven’t known us longer than 10 years wouldn’t necessarily know that. It’s been done, and it could be done again. Who knows, maybe there would be times for him to visit. If not, we would manage just fine.

People are trying to convince me to make more videos. With the copyright laws, that is tricky. The #DanceWithJanet video has raised flags on Facebook. It knows what song it is and who owns the rights. I have done what I could to explain it in the posts with the video. It has been left with the music, as I am stating with the video that I do not own the rights to the song I chose, IF by Janet Jackson.

#DanceWithJanet-might-be-a-long-shot-for-me-but-I-have-always-been-a-wildcard.

#DanceWithJanet-might-be-a-long-shot-for-me-but-I-have-always-been-a-wildcard.

One must remain humble when something causes¬†a larger than expected reaction. In my attempt to do this, I thought of sharing a longer video of this project. I do not have the knowledge to edit the video to change the speed of the song to avoid the issue of copyright. I tried. I fought with it. I just don’t have those skills. In time, I may learn how to do this. For now, I am clearly stating that this video is a byproduct of my #DanceWithJanet Audition, in which I claim no rights to the music in the video. IF is a song by Janet Jackson, and she owns the rights.

I hope that covers the legalities. If the sound does disappear in the future, we all know what happened. I am not intending to earn any profits from the music that I am dancing to unless I go #DanceWithJanet as a result of sharing it.

People also said that it looked easy. Let me tell you, it was a lot of work. I had to practice. At the start, it didn’t flow. It didn’t look smooth. I had to find the combination that worked the best together, which is what made the final cut. It was actually the last run through on my last video. I had fun, which will be apparent in the video I share below.

I have no regrets. I am certain that it made people smile to watch me try. What else can a person ask for in an adventure like this? Other than being chosen to go work with Janet Jackson, of course. That is the dream, and the reason I tried. I went for it. If nothing else, it made me try something new. That is one of the secrets to feeling alive, is to try new things.

Realistically-I-know-I-am-not-in-top-physical-condition.-An-opportunity-like-this-makes-me-think-_What-IF

Realistically-I-know-I-am-not-in-top-physical-condition.-An-opportunity-like-this-makes-me-think-_What-IF

As I wrote above, I am trying to keep my feet on the ground and be humble amidst all of the positivity and support during this adventure. I am going to share 2 videos. The first one is the behind the scenes blooper reel. It shows that I had to practice and work on the actual project before selecting the 30-second audition video. I will share the final audition video also. This shows the progression to the audition and the final result. Enjoy!

 

And the final edit!

Thank you to @JanetJackson for letting me try. If youtube or Janet Jackson remove the music…I challenge you to turn up YOUR favourite song while you watch. Let me know if it works with my Blooper Reel!

#Tishspired #Tishspiration A single tree surrounded by grass on the ground, water showing above the grass and a colourful sky.

#Tishspired #Tishspiration

Tishsplaining A New Tish-ism or Two

Tishsplaining A New Tish-ism or Two

I am writing a little out of sequence today. I have some¬† Tishsplaining¬†to do about a new Tish-ism, or Two. That’s right, I made up some new words. Tishspiration and Tishspired. I will give you some background information on how these two new Tish-isms popped into my mind today.

Yes, it is Tuesday. I’m aware. Instead of the regular Treasure Seeker Tuesday post that is normally what you would expect to be reading today… SURPRISE! I am always saying that my Super Power is surprising people, including myself. Guess what? My day started with a really big surprise.¬† This is what happened.

It’s Tuesday. I crawled out of bed and made it to my computer. Started catching up before I got ready for work. I saw something that caught my¬†eye. If you follow me on facebook or twitter, you already know what it is. If not, I am going to share a link to this amazing surprise I woke up to this morning…
#DanceWithJanet

OPEN AUDITIONS! I couldn’t believe my¬†eyes! Within the last 2 years, I have said to some members of the Zumba Crew that it would be a dream job to be a backup dancer for Janet Jackson. LITERALLY. Here is my chance to try out for it!

I have been¬†putting myself out into the world in a lot of different ways since November 2016. I started the Blog, and moved it here, to the website. I have started writing books. I’ve begun a journey to become a healthier version of myself. I have shared that I am morbidly obese and that I have type 2 Diabetes. I have been going to Zumba for a couple of years. I used to really enjoy Step class¬†and BodyJam, both being dance-based exercise classes (one with a step). I LOVE MUSIC and I¬†LOVE TO DANCE!

I got to thinking today at work. I have been told by more than one person that I am a breath of fresh air. I am funny. I am an inspiration. I know I am determined. I know I am a hard worker. I know I have a really big heart. I know my purpose on Earth is to be a writer because I have stories to tell.  I have written songs. I love creating things. I am a jewellery designer. I have danced since I was a teenager. To be honest, I have always been a dreamer.

I made a Facebook Live video on Sunday, asking anyone who has told me that I am an inspiration to them to help me understand what it is that I am doing that makes them think I am an inspiration. I am waiting to see if anyone replies to that request for help.

As I write this, I am trying my first glass of unsweetened almond coconut Silk. I can’t say that I am a fan. I prefer the unsweetened cashew Silk, with or without the vanilla. Surprise! (This random shift in thoughts is brought to you by me trying something new)!

Today at work I pondered about how to submit my 30-second audition¬†video to Janet Jackson. That is not a lot of time. I have to dance, and because I am not a professionally trained dancer, I need to find another way to stand out. If I don’t show my¬†true personality, I won’t be memorable. This is the Big Leagues in my Dream Chasing World! I NEED TO BE MEMORABLE!

How do people stand out in social media in thousands or even millions of 30-second audition videos? They go Viral. What am I good at? Surprising people and myself. I have not gone Viral. YET. My day is coming soon! (I know you saw those hashtags in the picture with the tree).

One way I grab people’s attention is through my writing. Another is through my sense of humour. Still, another is by using my Super Power of Surprises! (I really am full of them)! One that is new to me is being an inspiration to others. I believe it is the next step for me in this journey along the zig-zagging path less travelled with a few side trips along the way.

I was really excited with what I came up with for a concept today. I am not going to reveal the video concept. You will get a link when it is released, here on the website, I promise. I do go to Zumba. I love to dance. I am not a professionally trained dancer. I am making a video anyway. I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. Well, I take that back. I would lose weight. Dancing is hard work. I would lose the issues I have with my self-esteem. This would be something that I could really work hard at, and success would be something that could literally help me save my own life.

Type 2 Diabetes is at epidemic levels in North America and in some other countries. I was diagnosed in November 1999. At that time I was 24. Adult-onset diabetes is what Type 2 Diabetes used to be known as because people only used to get this disease when they were middle-aged. There are now children getting Type 2 Diabetes before they are teenagers. This is totally controllable and even reversible in some cases. I know that being morbidly obese from poor food choices and low activity levels are the main reasons I am fighting for normal every day. Sometimes I am fighting with every meal. Exercise helps. Making better food choices helps. I can only imagine what a complete lifestyle change with an opportunity like this could mean to not only me but to people all around the world that are like me. Fighting every bite, every meal, and every day just to be normal.

To do this, I am going to have to put everything I have into it. I am also going to need help. One does not go viral all by themselves. If that could have been done, I would have done it already. ūüėČ

By now, you must have figured out the new Tish-isms. Tish doesn’t understand everything about how she inspires people. What she does know is that she has inspirations and can inspire herself at any time, through her own habit of Always Thinking…

It came to me today. My thoughts are Tishspired and I have Tishspirations all of the time. I need to have my own hashtags with my video to get my message to the world, and to Janet Jackson and her team. These hashtags will help, when I share my video (and even before if people want to help me get the word out).

Here they are:

#DanceWithJanet (the official hashtag for the audition videos)
#Tishspiration
#Tishspired
and the one that gives a hint to my song choice…

#IfTishWasYourGirl

Ms. Jackson, if you are reading this, first of all, Thank You. I am honoured that I can even try. Not only would choosing me help me to save my own life, but it would be something that I promise I would not treat lightly, and I would share with the world so that I can Tishspire other people just like me, to put themselves out there, in the real world to make their dreams come true. I can learn routines, and I can dance. I have to try. I will.

Then we will see what comes next.
#DanceWithJanet

I have added the link here for my video. I DID IT!

 

 

Weekend Warrior #61 It is time to Catch Up!

Weekend Warrior #58 A Little Bit of Rock and Roll

This Weekend Warrior is going to be about a little bit of rock and roll. This past weekend was Easter Weekend. I did have to work on Good Friday. I also went to a concert. One of the bands I like to support when they are in town had a show here on Friday night. I did keep the no meat rule for Good Friday, and I was not drinking. I drove myself to the show and was able to drive myself home after. Having the car made me not have to think about having anything stronger than ginger ale. I am still taking antibiotics, and have decided to stay out of the wine until I am better. One of the prescriptions I had taken for a week was not to be mixed with alcohol, and I am just trying to be careful when I am not feeling my best.

Although I did not see The Hypochondriacs play, I bought their CD. I also bought the latest CD from The Stanfields, Limboland. I decided to buy a t-shirt and got a tote bag for free. Then I made sure both bands signed the new CDs. It is something I have always done when I buy the CD at the show if I am able to do so. Here is a picture of what I brought home.

The Stanfields Swag and The Hypochondriacs CD

The Stanfields Swag and The Hypochondriacs CD

Late into the night, I had a chat with a new friend. It is something I have really liked about taking on the journey to becoming a published author. I am involved with a few writing groups, and the ones that I am wanting to be more involved with are providing me with a safe place to vent, share my projects, the highs and the lows of my journey. Friday night, I discovered another perk. I have a new friend that I started chatting with.

I have been going through some stalling on my projects. I have picked up the beads, which is okay, but I still haven’t done any writing outside of the blog, and the E-Zine I wrote an article for. (If you missed the Creatives Rising E-Zine Spring 2018 Issue, the¬†online publication FOR Creatives, BY Creatives in affiliation with @CreativesRising and @CreativeEnergyGoddess
#CreativesRising2018 #CRZine #amwriting #HappyWriting)the link to subscribe and check it out can be found in Treasure Seeker Tuesday #24 When Opportunity Knocks. I have a pending Guest Blog that I really need to find time to work on, but the thing I am not giving the attention it needs is the book writing. I had some revelations about this while I was chatting with my new friend.

I realized that my cover for book 1 has me feeling doubt. I played a little in Canva. I am finding my way and doing as much as I can. I had some criticism when I was getting down to my final choices. The picture is not high quality. The fonts are too hard to read. The tartan is too much. I should just write the book, and not try to do all of the different things involved with it. I tried not to let on that it bothered me, but it did. Not enough to make me quit. It did slow me down, though.

I realized that I need to go with my gut on this. I am still a little nervous, but I finally realized that not everybody gets me, and that means that not everybody is going to get my¬†design choices. That is okay. If they don’t get it, maybe it isn’t the book for them. I know in my heart that I need to write, and I need to tell the stories inside of this book. People have heard¬†me tell some of the stories over the years, but nobody has heard them as the cats might have narrated them. That is why this book is going to be special. It is from my heart, and it uses the talents I was born with to tell the stories.

I made a decision in the wee hours of Saturday morning. I decided to set a deadline in September. I don’t want it to be released too close to the day that my friend passed away, but I do feel that it is the best way to honour her by releasing it on September 30th. That is my tentative launch date for my first book to be published.

I have been speaking with a colleague that does editing in her spare time. We haven’t discussed details yet but she is interested in editing the book for me. I will be glad to have someone I know to give it a good read through. I will do my own editing first, and then I will need an editor to help me perfect it before publishing. I am hoping that this plan will work out.

Then I got up Saturday, with the idea for the second book cover. I plan to have book 2 published in December. I have it drafted, I just need book 1 finished so I can get right into writing book 2.

That Tartan that I designed for my pen name? It’s going to be sticking around. I will have help to get the perfect pic of me for the cover of book 2. The idea is going to be something I don’t share with too many people yet. I can say it is going to be fun!

Saturday I didn’t do a lot. I preoccupied myself with reading the latest Writer’s Digest Magazine for a part of the day. It was a quiet night at home. I have been trying to rest up as much as I can. That doesn’t always add up to sleeping in. I didn’t sleep too late on Saturday.

Sunday was fairly quiet also. We just needed a quiet weekend. I needed to sort out what was holding me back, and figure out how to get things going again. I think I was able to get a good amount of time to figure out what I need to get my momentum going again.

Since I had a bit of a mixed up weekend, loud and quiet. I am calling this weekend a draw. There were highs and lows. I had time to have a little fun, and I had time to think about what was holding me back. I feel good about it.

#WeekendWarrior