Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues. It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on. Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real. The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale. If you would like to contribute to this series, please contact Tish. I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.
The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name. If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story. The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors. I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.
This week I am pleased to share the story of a friend. It is written in her own words, and she submitted it with her permission to share it as a part of the series.
Here is Trust Your Gut: Jane’s Story; Charting My Weight | Gaining Perspective
I have spent over 40 years in a love-hate relationship with my weight. As a result, I have many, many records of my weight at various times—weights were taken at the Doctor’s office, at various weight loss programs, and at home. An excellent record for purposes of analysis—after so many ups and downs over the years, I can look at my weight with some perspective.
I began my first weight loss efforts in Grade 9 (!) at the urging of a Physical Education Teacher. I weighed 118 pounds. She gave me the Mayo Clinic Diet of the day and my poor mother must have been frantic supplying me with hard-boiled eggs and grapefruit which is all I can remember eating.
The next weight loss effort was in Grade 11 with TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly). My only memory from TOPS are fragmented bits of the motto: “I am an Intelligent person … every time I am tempted to overeat in private … my excess poundage is there for all the world to see … what a fool I’ve been.” In 1972, I left Grade 12 at 168 pounds.
Art by Jane Tims “Disgusted Face”
Armed with these rather dubious wisdoms, I spent the next eight years in an upward pattern that would govern the rest of my young adult years. I joined Weight Watchers which did teach me something about eating behaviors, returned to TOPS a time or two, attended sessions with a dietician, and designed my own wellness systems many, many times.
Now, years later, I realise that my weight really started to climb when I had my own money, was preparing my own food, and was under work stresses I never encountered in school or university.
When I was married, I weighed 180 pounds.
I was fit and active. My work in those days meant hiking and climbing regularly to wilderness places throughout the province. I was fit and active, but I was fat. I could not shake the belief that I didn’t look as good as I should. And looking good was all-important.
That, I realise now, was beside the point. The challenge was to stay fit and active—to avoid high blood pressure and all its risks, stress on my knees and back, and diabetes. My goal should have been to live a long and able life.
When I was 30, I had a baby, the best thing I ever did for so many reasons! But I had a difficult pregnancy and spent most of it inactive and on my back and I gained weight. I topped the scales at 280 pounds and spent the next thirty years trying to get rid of the weight.
Art by Jane Tims “Frowning Face”
My Doctor tried to help me. My Mom tried harder than anyone, including me.
She copied out diets that might interest me. She sent me twenty dollars a month (I made a decent salary of my own) to buy healthy snack foods. She suggested things she thought might help me lose weight. I realise now, as a Mom, she wanted good health for me and, like me, had no magic wand to help her daughter be healthier. By the time I was forty, I had high blood pressure, and lots of medications to control it. By the time I was fifty, I had Type 2 Diabetes, and lots of meds to control it. And I had a trusty cane, the first hint of the osteoarthritis that now plagues me every day and keeps me from being fit and active.
Art by Jane Tims “Unimpressed Face”
When I retired from work in 2012 at 58, I lost a lot of the stress that ruled my life and I think I finally got a clue. I started a program of exercise, stationary cycling accompanied by seeing the world virtually (with Street View). Over the next years, I cycled through central France, southern Ireland, the Cornwall coast of England, and northern New Brunswick. This month I am ‘touring Scotland and the home of my ancestors. I got control of my diabetes with insulin and a wonderful medication called Forxiga which also results in some weight loss. And this past summer, I had a bout with salivary gland cancer.
During the process of surgery and radiation, I lost my sense of taste for a few weeks. At the end of that time, I find am no longer interested in food as a way of approaching life. I am more interested in building back the muscle mass I lost while lounging around the hospital between radiation treatments last summer.
I am now at 214 pounds, and still on the way down. The last time I weighed 214 was when I was 28 years old. I am not really aiming for any particular weight, but I’d really like to fit into my wedding dress again.
So, what is the ‘magic wand?’ Oh, how I wish I knew.
I know that human beings have one major fault: ‘the bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.’ So that slice of blueberry pie will always look more delightful than the bottles and bottles of blue blood pressure pills you might never have to take (since I started taking them in 1994, I have taken 19,656 pills of Inderol to control my blood pressure). That bowl of ice cream will always taste better than days and days of blood glucose readings under 7.0. And that chocolate bar will always smell more delicious than leaving the cane or walker in the closet where it belongs.
You can have good things to eat but only once in a while and in smaller portions. And you can spend as much time as possible walking and swimming and cycling. Save yourself a huge amount of misery down the road.
Art by Jane Tims “Smiling Face”
If you’d like to follow my progress on getting fit and active, have a look at my blog.
Thank you Jane for your honesty and for sharing your story here. I know it can be hard to put it all out there, but it is time that people like us speak out to try to help others. It is interesting to see your chart, and I love the artwork you submitted. Keep celebrating every little success, and be proud that your decision is certainly the right one for you. I am very impressed with your success and determination. Keep going, my friend, you are an inspiration!
This is Trust Your Gut | What Did My Brain Just Tell Me? Trust Your Gut is a series of blog posts that began on February 2, 2017. In this first blog, I introduce the concept of the category and begin to share my own story. In this blog, specifically, I write about something very dangerous. Denial.
Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues. It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on. Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real. The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people that have weight issues, on either end of the scale. If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog. I know there are people out there that want to help people like them, as I do.
The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name. If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story. The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors. I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.
Here is Trust Your Gut:Tish’s Story; Part 83.
In just about every online space you go, these days, at least in the platforms I use on a regular basis, people are talking a lot about mindset. The power of the mind is a miraculous thing when it is being used for a greater purpose. It can also lead people down the wrong path. I am not writing about the criminal mind, nor the mind of people who have mental health issues in this case, though. I am writing about how it can make you believe something that just isn’t true. In this case, I am writing about denial.
I love to read, especially fantasy and science fiction.
This love for reading has allowed me to expand my own creative horizons and write two books, with many other projects, and more to come, God willing. I love my imagination, and the way I can create worlds in my writing, with the hopes of fascinating readers with what I publish. When you read for pleasure, you also read to capture a bit of escapism from the real world.
I have been reading some books by Jim Butcher, who is the author of The Dresden Files. The main character, Harry, is a wizard for hire in these books, and I quite enjoy reading all of the trouble he gets into and manages to wiggle his way out of. It is a similar type of character that I have created more than once when I have been playing Dungeons and Dragons. Some of those characters have had fantastic adventures, the kind legends are born from. By doing the same thing as this wizard, in their own way.
Not too long ago, I was reading one of these books, called White Night. In this book, a character description made me pause and shake my head at what I heard myself thinking. The character was a mafia bodyguard, male, and he was described as massive, at over three hundred pounds. I thought to myself, “That’s not that big. I weigh over three hundred pounds.” It was at this moment I had to stop myself from reading, to process what I was thinking in response to that character description.
I then thought to myself, “Wait a minute. What did my brain just tell me?”
It was at this time I reread the paragraph and took a moment to process the amount of denial my brain has been feeding to me for the majority of my life. Three hundred pounds IS big. The distribution of the weight also plays a huge factor in this realization.
A person who is significantly taller than my five foot two and three-quarters of an inch in height would have the benefit of a larger area to distribute this much weight. Plus, it is a character described as a bodyguard, which would also have a different muscle to fat composition than I do. This character would be healthier, and not morbidly obese. Yet the weight of three hundred pounds is described as massive. I needed to proceed carefully as I processed this information.
I am still very mobile, even though lately I have had a hard time catching my breath. I can get up and down, walk and dance. I can sprint if there is a short distance to be covered and time to recover on the other side of that sprint. But I know that the distribution of my weight is all on the front side of my body, and it is more fat than muscle. And I got on the scale last week. I now weigh more than I did when I took that picture. It was really disappointing, but it is one reason why I am trying to do better.
I’m not going to make the mistake of thinking I am massive.
A part of last week’s story comes from the fact that people tell me I don’t look as big as I am, and that I carry the weight well. I am tired of not looking the way I feel. I do not see myself as massive, nor do I see myself as morbidly obese. When I look in the mirror, I just see myself. When I step on the scale, I see a number. Higher or lower than the last time, but nonetheless a number. This past week, it was 336.4 lbs. I am not in a hurry to get back on a scale after seeing this number, but when I do, I will share it for accountability. It is time to start dancing more every day.
On a positive note, I sang with the radio in the bathroom today to, “I want to dance with somebody” by Whitney Houston. I was done in the shower, and stayed in there to sing my heart out, and dance a little bit. When the song was over, I peeked around the corner at Roy and sang, “Don’t you want to dance, say you want to dance, don’t you want to dance?” His reply was, “Oh, I heard you singing.” He is not a fan of my singing, not at all. I said, “GOOD!” as I bopped down the hallway. We both laughed. I am doing better because I am trying harder. For now, that is what I am focusing on. Just doing as much as I can to be better.
When was the last time you had a reality check? #TrustYourGut
I am admitting to dragging my feet again about the business plan. It is something which I do need to work on, and therefore have to make time for. I am learning one thing this year, it is that things always take longer than I think they will.
I have made some decisions about the new direction for my business. It will happen. Next, I need to find time to work on the business plan. To make sure I get it accomplished, I have given myself a deadline.
What else have I been doing?
Cleaning. A lot of cleaning has been going on in my home. It was long overdue and very necessary. I am doing well. My parents were here for a visit. They like to stay busy and asked if they could help with anything. As they are on vacation, I hate to think that they are helping me with my mess. After all, it is my responsibility to clean it up. I let them choose what they wanted to tackle; the result is I am farther ahead in my cleaning than I would have been without their help.
In Roy’s shed, to start to organize Roy’s tools, Dad hung up a peg board to have a place to hang things up. When Dad is here, he also helps with the BBQ, except for Father’s Day. Roy cooked on the BBQ as a treat for Dad. I surprised him with a new ball cap. Dad also took down our front step and helped Roy get the area ready for the new step. A friend has been hired to build a new step, and it is coming together nicely.
Mom dusted in the bathroom and helped me to get started with the kitchen reorganization. It is easier to move things from one place to another if two people are working together. She also dusted the kitchen table and chairs. She also cleaned the cupboard doors. I didn’t expect so much help when they were here. It motivates me to keep going.
Deadlines help me to finish projects.
I set a deadline for the cleaning to be finished on Thursday. It needs a final push in the kitchen, master bedroom and living room to get it done. I am very close to finishing, and then I can work on more fun things while upkeeping the new cleaner home.
Making Time
It is easy to slip into what my friends refer to as ‘Tish Time.’ I try very hard to be punctual, and this year I am managing to do so more than ever. It isn’t that I don’t think things are important, rather that I find it difficult to manage my time. When I am working on a project, I rarely look at the clock and the time surprises when I do. As I am learning this year, things take longer than I think they will take to do. Planning ahead is something I am working on planning ahead when I have to be somewhere. It is working, but I can do better. I will keep at it, and soon it will be a non-issue.
My parents experienced ‘Tish Time’ while they were visiting. My mom was very surprised at how time just flies in my home. It is nice to see that it isn’t just me and that it doesn’t only relate to punctuality. I am an anomaly, I often say, meaning my health, but it also relates to time itself. Time really does fly around me!
We did take a day to do fun things also. We took a short drive outside of the city to the town of Oromocto, for lunch and to go to a store. The Oromocto Galleria is a place where local artists have their work for sale, like a gift shop. It is one of four in our area, and there was something I had wanted to check out. I picked up some paint samples on popsicle sticks of Fusion Mineral Paint. The plan is to paint the front door, and the window shutters with it, after the front step is rebuilt.
Mastering My To-Do Lists
I work well with lists. Of course, I need to take the time to write them. Normally just make them before packing suitcases, to make sure I don’t forget anything. Lately, I am making them for cleaning. I have 2 agendas, a small one and a large one. The small one helps me to keep track of all of my appointments, except for the one I was 24 hours early for. I chose not to wait for that one, I went back the next day.
The large one is to help me to keep track of my health. Medicine doses, water intake, food diary, sugar levels and activity. I did well with it for about a month and stopped. I will clear a space in my living room to have it readily accessible to use. It is on my list of things to do.
The important thing to note here is things take time, and when you find a method which works, use it. I am making time today to revise the current to-do list to add in the rewriting of the business plan. Cleaning and writing my next book will also be a priority. The second book is a part of my current business plan. It will be the foundation of what I am about to build.
I was supposed to write this story last week, but time got away from me. I have a lot on the go, and sometimes I have to decide what to prioritize. I am going to try and catch you all up on what has been going on.
I have made some changes recently, in the hopes of improving my health.
I have all but eliminated pop from my beverage list. I will still allow it from time to time, but Roy started this a little while ago, and I am supporting him. Even though Zevia is on the plan. I will still have pop with pizza, and sometimes at home, but we have reduced our intake. He has lost some weight. I have had improvements in my blood sugars, with this and paying more attention to what I am eating and remembering to take my medicine. Little changes add up to big results. My 3-month average was starting to creep up to a bad number. It was 9.6; 6 months ago. The doctors want is under 7. I am happy to say that the latest bloodwork had it down to 8.8. Yes, it is not where we want it to be, but my doctor was so impressed that she said not to worry too much about that awfully high number you see in the cover pic. It was my weight not that long ago.
I was participating in a 10 day, 30 photo challenge online when I took it. The camera did add 2 pounds ( really, it did). I took to my Facebook wall and asked what colour should I choose ambiguously for the challenge that day. Hot pink or Legendary Red. Hot Pink won by a landslide. I painted my toenails in pink, dug up the feather boa, and stepped onto the scale for a pic. I knew it was really hard to do, and sharing it was brave. I was scared, but for me and my journey, I needed to share this pic.
It will soon be amongst the 29 + other pics I took over those 10 days in an album or graphic soon. I want to have them all together, to show others what I am capable of. Take note of that ending of the last sentence. to show others WHAT I AM CAPABLE OF! I am learning more about myself and what I can do every day!
My weight is a concern to me. It is the highest I have ever been to, and I know I need it to change. With that in mind, I decided to reach out to a Health Coach, who was recommended by my Diabetes Case manager. I had a few things to check out for our first appointment.
I have taken on the Wellness Wednesday Project (WWP) as the Ambassador. I am trying to help people at work with contests, prizes and information. My boss offered this as something I could do when I asked him if I could write a blog for our workplace. I was going to be at work early in the morning for a couple of months, and I thought writing would be something I could do at that time. I cannot access my book online to work on it, there is only wi-fi in the mall, not in the call centre I work at. I am not able to work on it there, unless it is old school, pen and paper, on my own time. When I am not working on WWP, I do take the paper copy of my book in and edit or write stories for the Kit Sora Flash Fiction with Engen Books. In the last one I entered, I placed second with my story. I placed third recently in another one. They are fun, and I am glad I can enter them.
Rabbit hole. Sorry, I get distracted sometimes.
There is a point, though. 😉
I was researching the Health Coach idea in light of my own need, asking about options for a friend, and checking on what might be available for work. There are workshops, and that may be something that happens in the future. For now, I have some information and I am working on my own goals with her. I am able to meet with her for appointments and we are working on my sleep habits, first. I am not able to change them yet, but I am conscious of what I am doing that delays bedtime on work nights, and I am trying to do better. We are now lowering the goal from 5 nights a week to 2 nights a week, to see if I can find ways to sleep longer. 5 or 6 hours a night is barely enough to be able to function. I am managing, but not feeling like my best when I am following this sleep-deprived schedule.
In talking with her at my appointments, we decided that sleep is important enough as a foundation for achieving my goals that it should be the right goal to start with. I need to put a little more importance in my health and sleep patterns to live a healthier lifestyle. It will trickle into other areas, and I will have the energy for things that I want to do but am too tired to do.
Something I realized is that I am putting a lot of things in the way of going to bed, and I need to treat myself to the same level of importance by getting enough sleep every night. I am working on it.
Even though the scale is not being nice to me right now, I am making progress in my blood sugars, which is very important for a diabetic. Once I start getting the right amount of sleep, the scale will be nicer. I just know it.
The other thing I have done was start a weight loss support group tied in with #Tishspiration. I am trying to hold myself accountable. I am working with a small group to help them and myself, to stay motivated. I am getting great feedback, which helps me to know I am on the right track. It is good to have a place where friends are in the same boat with you, or as I shared in a gif, all kittens in the same roller coaster ride. Since it is a small group and kept secret, the people in it feel safe sharing what is going on. I am finding their stories inspirational to me. It is a place to share our journey, and I do think it is going to help us all, in one way or another.
Like I wrote at the start, I am very busy these days. I am enjoying it as long as that is still a side effect, I will keep on keeping on!
In an effort to get back on track with my blogging, I have decided to change up the Tuesday category. I love Treasure Seeker Tuesdays, and I am hoping that I was not alone in that sentiment. The time has come to try something new. #TishspirationTuesday Week 1 What is Tishspiration Tuesday? I might not even know yet.
I am going places.
Yes, I am writing my first book. Yes, I just took on a new project at work. Yes, I am planning a limited jewellery collection to be launched with my first (and every) book. Yes, draft 2 is in progress, in preparation for editing. Yes, I am all over social media, and I even got Instagram before I got a cell phone so that I can contribute there. I can follow I just can’t share there. Yes, I do talk to my husband when I am awake, and maybe in my sleep too.
No, I have not managed to hire a maid to keep up with the housekeeping. No, I have not hired a chef to keep me on track with my meal plans. No, I do not sleep very much when I am in a high creativity & productivity cycle. No, I haven’t been to Zumba regularly this summer. I will be changing that as soon as possible.
I drink my coffee black (which I review alternately with wine reviews on my Facebook live videos) and I take really good multivitamins. I try to eat healthily, and although I still have pop for a treat, I have basically given it up as an everyday beverage. I am making changes.
I ended the Birthday Bling Club. It did not get the number of subscribers I had hoped for. I have replaced it with a closed secret group to help people like me stay motivated and accountable with weight issues. It is going well. Now if only I could get back on track with my own weight loss goals…
What on Earth am I doing now?
I’ll bet some of you are wondering. There are days when even I am wondering…
I am shaking things up. I am using the momentum created by the positivity I have surrounded myself with to try and give you all a glimpse into the possibilities into what your own potential is.
That was a mouthful, wasn’t it?
Tishspiration. The Art of Surprising Yourself. Once upon a time, these two concepts were not linked. Until I thought about it. Someone I spoke with encouraged me to somehow find a way to meld these two things together. Now, it is as if they were never separate concepts. I made the term. I defined it. And now, I am going to run with it!
Tishspiration has been hovering around in my mind since April 2018, but it has had a much longer history than when I put a name to it. I will be writing a book to describe it in more detail. That will be book 2. I have to get book 1 written, published, and shared from my heart with the world before I can shift gears and get to work on book 2. I can’t wait to explore what all of this means for me, and what it could mean for you.
As it grows and develops, there will be opportunities. Some will help me to fine tune this concept I have created into something that will change over time. I have been working on this in the background while doing all of the above. I have to keep going. You can witness all of it. I am hoping that when the time is right for you, you will take the leap with me. It all starts here. Now.
Are you with me?
tishspirationstation@gmail.com
Let’s start a conversation about this little thing I call #Tishspiration!
