I have been following different people at different times in my journey, since it started in November of 2016. There are people who inspire me, people who have become friends, and colleagues in the authorpreneur world. (Yes, that was an intentional spelling, we do combine as authors and entrepreneurs). As a result of my own curiosity and desire to learn, I have discovered that I have issues with anxiety.
I want to explain my own beliefs. First, I believe in the magic of the universe mixes equally with science. In addition, I also have a strong sense of faith. My faith tells me that I do not have to understand how they all mix together, but that they all begin with God. To clarify, I am not writing to preach, but rather to explain why I can openly accept the beliefs of others while staying true to my own.
So, are you still with me? Good. Now that I have given you a basic understanding of my own personal belief system, I can move on to what is prompting me to go there. I have friends who are believers of the magic of the universe, and one of them shared posts about anxiety.
It is more than just being stressed out.
I see a lot of the signs of anxiety in my life. Being a stubborn person, I am strong enough on an average day to use the mind over matter theory. This allows me to carry on without these signs ruling how my day will go. If I am in a situation like I was a couple of weeks ago, on the other hand, things can escalate quickly. Consequently, there are times when I do not know what is happening. Therefore if I don’t recognize the signs, I cannot manage how I am feeling. This can be scary, as a result.
In the past, it has led me to the hospital to make sure my heart is okay. It is. On the day I went to the hospital, I was having a full blown panic attack. There is no reason why I was panicking. It was my anxiety. Until I was aware of what was happening, and since the symptoms were similar to what a woman can experience when having a heart attack, I went to the hospital. Once I understood that my heart was okay, I started to feel better.
The mind can play tricks, as it did in the situation I described above. It can react in a panic attack, and leave me wondering what caused it. As an overacheiver who is all too often too hard on herself, I frequently become overwhelmed. If I am being completely honest, sometimes it happens on a delay with me. I can be perfectly fine and finished with whatever should have made me feel anxious, and then at a later time my body will react. Fun times.
More recent signs have been showing up when I am driving my car. No, it is not road rage I am referring to. It is venting, for a lack of better terms, while I am driving. This has happened in relation to my planning to be on time for something, and angry because circumstances are going to cause me to be late.
I have written about this a little on my own personal Facebook wall, and if you are a follower, then you are already aware that I have been yelling in my car. For example, I try very hard to be on time. As a result, when I am going to be late because of something like the snowplough driver going by and leaving snow in the way of me moving my car or forgetting something at home which I need for the event I am going to, the anger inside of me can cause a meltdown.
When the cork pops on the bottle of my emotions, there is a lot of force behind it.
I recently had a book signing event at a large book store. It is a well known chain within Canada, Chapters. It was a big deal. I left with enough time to arrive early. While I was on the road, I realized I had left my signs at home. Consequently, I had to turn around to go and get them. As a result of this I began losing my composure.
My husband happened to be outside working on widening the driveway and shoveling. I got him to go get the signs, and I continued on my way. After I drove away, I had a mini meltdown in my car. I yelled at myself for being late and I yelled at my husband for not going with me to support me. In addition to the eruption of my frustration, I had a few tears while I expressed my feelings. Guess what? It wasn’t anger or the things I was yelling about which caused the meltdown. It was anxiety.
I try not to keep things bottled up. When I do, it inevitably causes me to have meltdowns. For instance, I certainly never realized until recently that every time I have experienced a meltdown, that the underlying cause was anxiety. most importantly, having this knowledge is something I am going to be able to deal with a little better the next time I am freaking out.
I am glad I know what is happening.
Knowledge is power. With this information, I can learn how to avoid the meltdowns if I know what the cause of them is. I can’t say that I will never freak out or have a meltdown again. As an emotional woman, I know I need to express what I am feeling to be able to grow as a person and to be more creative. Accepting my emotions in various situations has already helped me in both of these areas. As a result, it doesn’t mean I have all of the answers, but it does give me some clues for what to watch out for.
After that, all my worrying, when I arrived at the book signing event I was right on time. On the other hand, I was a jittery mess. When the offer of coffee or water from the Manager on Duty in the store was made, I passed.I chose to have a piece of gum in my mouth, to help calm my nerves. This alone did not calm me down.
Therefore, I was an anxious author until two really good friends showed up. I had packed my own camera, but when they arrived, my friend who also takes amazing pictures was one of the two who came to see me. He took some really great pictures of me at the event, and I will share them here.
The power of friendship.
After my friends came to see me, I noticed I was calming down. As a result of seeing them, I relaxed, so much so that I was able to finish the event with ease. Upon my own reflection, I think the reason I was having such a hard time was both the location of the event, and feeling like I wasn’t getting support. Of course, I absolutely understand that my family and friends support me, and most importantly I know it. I just had to see some familiar faces in the crowd on that busy afternoon to help me remember.
My first book, From Where I am Sitting…A Collection of Cat Tales is available to purchase locally at Artful Persuasion, Chapters, Westminster Books, and Whimsy. If you do not live in Fredericton, you can visit my Bookspage to order your copy online.
In addition to my first book, I am currently writing my second book, #Tishspiration: The Art of Surprising Yourself as well as writing a short story draft for submission to an anthology. The Tishspiration Newsletter is going to be sent out in March, so don’t forget to sign up to get your copy, right from the start…and I just announced yesterday I am working on Tishspiration Station, my Youtube Channel with weekly #Tishspiration videos.
Finally, I want to say thank you to my friends.
In conclusion, I want to thank Ginger for bringing the posts to anxiety not only to my attention but to help many people who have seen them. I also want to thank Matty for taking the pictures and showing up with Ash on my event day. It really meant so much to have them show their support, and,, subsequently, they made me feel so much better during the rest of the event.
Do you have anxiety? How do you manage it in your life? Leave your comments below, and maybe we can help each other cope with it better.
About a month ago, this website was relaunched for the third time. Why is it such a big deal for me? This can be a daunting task when you are new to building websites and maintaining them. Therefore, I am still learning, and working on this new website design when I get time. It is going to need more work in terms of housekeeping and keeping things fresh. If something is left alone long enough to go stale, it gets thrown out. I hope to keep injecting enough excitement here to create a buzz, and to excite you enough to keep coming back. If you do enjoy the blog or other parts of the website, don’t be shy! Tell people about it. Share it for your friends to see. If you like it, maybe they will like it too!
There is a new chapter coming with #Tishspiration. All the cool kids are sending out newsletters, and as an author, I have been struggling with what to use for content in a newsletter. Sure, you can expect to see recent blog posts, some cool graphics, and a surprise. The surprise might be something I write, or a picture you haven’t seen anywhere else. When I am feeling braver, more downloadable content might be what the surprise will be. I do plan to write a continuation of the first place winning short story from November. The link is in the previous blog post in this category and will be in the first newsletter.
Since I am going to be working hard on this, I am going to make as much as possible exclusive to the newsletter. So if you liked the first place winning story, and you want to read more, I will be happy to work on the continuation of it.
If you want to sign up for the newsletter, scroll to the bottom of the page.
Really easy to do. I will be publishing it once a month, and it will arrive in your inbox. There are so many newsletters and blogs in my own inbox, I know I have to work hard to make sure you want to open mine. I will do my best, and it will be only once a month. Once a month was picked for the newsletter because I don’t want to overwhelm myself, or your email inboxes.
Today, I am cleaning my desk.
Although I know the value of being organized, it is exhausting. It takes so much time! I think that is why I fall behind. I am, as I wrote more than once, an all or nothing person. Once I slack off, I start to lose all willpower when it comes to things like being organized. I am again working on it and trying to overcome the clutter. It is a lengthy process when you are so far behind it is overwhelming. This is why I have to really want to make the effort before starting.
This is not a Weekend Warrior post. Why am I writing about cleaning and organizing? If you are a regular reader of my blog, first of all, thank you. Secondly, I do have a point. I have been wanting to really dig in and write my second book. It has been on my mind, frequently. I need to get it written if I am going to keep my deadline.
Guess what I found today? The whole reason I wanted to work on my desk organization was to find my one page, rough draft for my second book. There will be more to add to it in the second draft. There are things I need to write about which had not been on my mind when I made the one page, rough draft. This is good because I want to have a book that has a bit of depth to it. In addition, it will add more substance to my story. See, there was a point there, it was related to my #Tishspiration book.
I have been working on myself, lately.
I am working on a better sleep schedule. This helps me to have more productive days. More productive days mean I do have some time to relax in the evenings, which has been a nice bonus. Appointments are being made and they are for my health, and to help with a job search. I want to be my own boss all of the time, however, I understand that I need to earn an income. Meanwhile, I have faith that things will work out, no matter how scary they might be at times.
Since I am working on myself, I enrolled in a Lisa Nichols course. It was free, for 5 days. She had different options for paid coaching at the end. I am interested, but not at this time, because I have a more important task right now. Freelance writing is something I need to spend a lot more time figuring out. It mightwill be my answer to replacing a traditional full time job.
On the other hand, I have to look for work in traditional jobs too, because I need to explore all of my options. Today, I printed out some jobs to prepare for an appointment with the same office where I got help with my resume last year. At the time I saw them, I was working, and looking for a way to find a different job. I don’t want a traditional job, but I can’t afford to not look at all of the possibilities.
Between freelance writing, job searching and working on myself, I will also be writing my second book. #Tishspiration: The Art of Surprising Yourself has so much potential. It is going to be an important book for me to write, because of the concept it will explore. I found the rough draft, that excuse is no longer a valid reason to put it off any longer. I am happy that I was able to find it in a day, I knew it was here, somewhere. As a result of finding my rough draft, I can continue writing #Tishspiration: The Art of Surprising Yourself. In my heart, I know someone is waiting for this book. Therefore, it is time to get serious about writing it.
What makes you open a newsletter when it arrives in your inbox? I want to make sure it is something you look forward to reading every month! Your comments will help me identify what to include and consequently what to avoid. Please let me know.
First of all, yes, I am writing a book called #Tishspiration: The Art of Surprising Yourself. It will be an inspirational book. You might think it is a book about my mid-life crisis if you only looked at the surface, but I know better. In contrast, it is a book about self-discovery, and how it has been happening my whole life, without me knowing what to call it. The last few years have been building me to this step, hence the mid-life crisis comment. I am preparing for one of the most important parts.
I recently participated in some free online challenges. From pushing myself in this way, I grow, and then I share my progress when I am challenged to. I have gone to the edge of signing up for a program and stopped. I am not ready. The coaches have challenged me to get ready for next year. They want to work with me, as I have kept coming back. I realized I am not ready because I have not finished exploring what #Tishspiration is. As much as I need the guidance on what to do next, I need to find out what this concept means, and what direction it wants me to go in first. This is not an excuse. It is me doing what I do. Making sure things are indeed as ready as they can be before moving on to the next step is the reason why I am holding off.
It’s not just about the money.
Sure, money is a huge factor in a decision like this. There is a lot more to the story. I am the type of person who has a good sense of when I am ready to take the next step, and most importantly when something is finished. I see it a lot in my day to day life. For example, making decisions on what to write, when to write, and finally, when to stop writing. Every story has an end. They also have a beginning, and if written correctly, an interesting middle which you can’t walk away from.
I am at the beginning of this part of my journey. The book is the interesting part which will reveal what is going to come next. That is my plan, although I could surprise myself with what does come next. It is something I have been known to do, take a step back and just revel in what I just created. It can be in the beginning, middle or end, and there is no set pattern for when I can experience it. The nature of this concept is that it can apply to everyone. I need to share it. The world needs my message. When I figure out exactly what it is.
In my own mind, I have already made it.
You already know I am working hard, waiting for the rest of you to catch up with me. I don’t write this to be conceited, or narcissistic. I am also working hard to remain humble. There will be bad days, and failures. They are inevitable. How I choose to move forward when these things happen is what is going to help me get to the next level.
I wrote a book. Me. I decided to just stop making excuses and get it done. It was hard work. It was incredibly frustrating at times. But that moment, the moment when I opened the proof copy online in front of the people watching my Facebook Live video, it was real.
It was real, unrehearsed and beautiful. I had to bail when my emotions were threatening to make me ugly cry on the internet. Nobody needs to see that. It was me, feeling all the feels, and experiencing what it was really like to have written an actual book. There are no words to truly capture what it feels like. To pour your heart and soul into what you can finally hold in your hands. The closest I can come is purely magical.
I can never have that moment again. Not from my first book. I long to feel it in relation to my current book. It will happen, and when it does, I expect a new magical moment to accompany it.
Everyone is a Critic
People are going to scoff at your dreams. They don’t know how long they have lived inside of you, or how brave you are to chase them. They wouldn’t know if they never tried. Negativity is not random, at least not in my experience. It exists, and plagues us all, in our lives. Jealousy is something that drives people to be mean. Don’t let the negative outweigh the positive. Fight to find your purpose, your passion and your pleasure. Stand firm in what you decide is right for you. Then show them how it is done.
Keep on dreaming, while taking action
A dreamer is a wonderful thing to be. I am a dreamer who comes up with the thoughts which propel me into action. I have thought up some wild plans in my life. They don’t all work. The point is to not let yourself get stuck in the thinking part. Thinking and planning are important, but executing the plan is imperative. If I was still thinking about writing my first book, I would never have completed it. Never had that magical moment when I held it in my hands. As a result of inaction, I would be in a horrible frame of mind, thinking that I was stuck in life the way it used to be, with no way to make it better.
In conclusion, what I am trying to explain here is that it is okay to dream and it is okay to think about different possibilities for yourself. However, it is imperative to take action. On what you decide is right for you. Not for everyone else, but for you. See what I mean about this #Tishspiration thing? It needs to be explored. I can’t wait to share what I find out with you all.
Why are you hesitating? What are you dreaming up to be your life’s purpose, passion and pleasure? Please let me know, I would love to help you figure out your next step. I can only do that if you tell me what is on your mind. I do love helping people, and maybe I can help you!
#Tishspiration is the word I finally created to describe what has been going on in my life for the last two years or maybe even longer. I have been aware of it for the last two years, this I am sure of. I have been telling my husband for years that I am full of surprises. It went from being a saying to becoming what my superpower is. The best part of all of this is that I am using my powers for good. I am constantly surprising people around me with what I am doing. The best part is when I surprise myself. That is the true meaning of Tishspration, the part I want to share with the world. It can happen to you. I am going to try to explain it, and then give advice for what YOU should do when Tishspiration happens to you!
I have been on a journey for the last 2 years. It started when I watched that inspirational video, where I took away the message that I need to live while I am alive so that when I die and I think back on the life I lived, not filled with regrets and what ifs. I want to live life to the best of my ability. That includes trying things and doing my best. It means not dwelling on what might or might not happen, because I have done something to make a change. I am pushing my limits. I am trying new things. I am chasing my passions. I am surprising myself.
Where do you start? Well, asking me is one way to find out more. Waiting for my book about Tishspiration is another option. It will be a few months from now before it is ready. What do you do in the meantime?
Think about what you want to do with your life. What is something that you are really good at, something that you get so involved with that before you know it, several hours have gone by. It should be something that comes really easy for you, even if you don’t think it is your passion. If it isn’t it might be a clue to where you are supposed to be going on your journey.
People are starting to pay attention to what I am up to. Some of them are curious. Some of them want to say they knew me before I started my journey, to be a cheering squad from the sidelines. There is nothing wrong with either of those reactions.
There is a small group of people that are watching me, and thinking about their own lives. They have seen me change and start to grow into the person I am now, and they wonder what if it happened to them? To me, the answer is simple. I would simply ask them, why not? Why not take one step in the direction you want to go in? Why not prepare yourself for what could be, instead of hating the way things are and doing nothing?
What is stopping you?
Fear of failure.
Fear of not being accepted for being the unique and wonderful being that you are, from the inside out, the one you have buried inside for safe keeping.
Want to know a secret?
I am scared of failure too. When I try something and it falls flat, I let myself lay there for a while. In the melodrama of despair.
I cannot do that for very long, anymore. I have a drive in me, fueled by passion, bursting at the seams with stories to tell.
I am a Lyricist, with songs I cannot sing.
I am a Blogger, because I need to write.
I am an author, with some small published works, who is writing her first novel, and planning 5 more.
I need to let my stories out. If I keep them inside, they hurt me because I am selfishly not sharing the gift I was born with. By writing my books, I will be accomplishing my lifelong dream of becoming a published author. Surprising myself and others with how good I am at this writing thing. Most importantly, I will be sharing this gift with the world.
Because deep down inside, all of us know what our purpose is. We just have to be listening to our hearts whispering the answers to us. Then we need to make a plan and act upon it. One step at a time, on this journey of life. If you smother a spark, it will extinguish in time. Don’t smother your passion. Let it trickle out until you feel like opening the dam and letting it flow free.
Friends, I am standing in front of a lever, preparing to open the floodgates. The next step for me is getting my book published. I hope that you are 1% as excited as I am about it. I can assure you, I am the other 99% on the excitement scale, and then some! I cannot wait to be able to share this book with the world. I sincerely hope that you all will agree that it is worth the wait.
So what do you do if #Tishspiration strikes? Congratulate yourself on a job well done, then move on to the next goal. That is what I do, and I am an expert at #Tishspiration. It has gotten me this far…
In an effort to get back on track with my blogging, I have decided to change up the Tuesday category. I love Treasure Seeker Tuesdays, and I am hoping that I was not alone in that sentiment. The time has come to try something new. #TishspirationTuesday Week 1 What is Tishspiration Tuesday? I might not even know yet.
I am going places.
Yes, I am writing my first book. Yes, I just took on a new project at work. Yes, I am planning a limited jewellery collection to be launched with my first (and every) book. Yes, draft 2 is in progress, in preparation for editing. Yes, I am all over social media, and I even got Instagram before I got a cell phone so that I can contribute there. I can follow I just can’t share there. Yes, I do talk to my husband when I am awake, and maybe in my sleep too.
No, I have not managed to hire a maid to keep up with the housekeeping. No, I have not hired a chef to keep me on track with my meal plans. No, I do not sleep very much when I am in a high creativity & productivity cycle. No, I haven’t been to Zumba regularly this summer. I will be changing that as soon as possible.
I drink my coffee black (which I review alternately with wine reviews on my Facebook live videos) and I take really good multivitamins. I try to eat healthily, and although I still have pop for a treat, I have basically given it up as an everyday beverage. I am making changes.
I ended the Birthday Bling Club. It did not get the number of subscribers I had hoped for. I have replaced it with a closed secret group to help people like me stay motivated and accountable with weight issues. It is going well. Now if only I could get back on track with my own weight loss goals…
What on Earth am I doing now?
I’ll bet some of you are wondering. There are days when even I am wondering…
I am shaking things up. I am using the momentum created by the positivity I have surrounded myself with to try and give you all a glimpse into the possibilities into what your own potential is.
That was a mouthful, wasn’t it?
Tishspiration. The Art of Surprising Yourself. Once upon a time, these two concepts were not linked. Until I thought about it. Someone I spoke with encouraged me to somehow find a way to meld these two things together. Now, it is as if they were never separate concepts. I made the term. I defined it. And now, I am going to run with it!
Tishspiration has been hovering around in my mind since April 2018, but it has had a much longer history than when I put a name to it. I will be writing a book to describe it in more detail. That will be book 2. I have to get book 1 written, published, and shared from my heart with the world before I can shift gears and get to work on book 2. I can’t wait to explore what all of this means for me, and what it could mean for you.
As it grows and develops, there will be opportunities. Some will help me to fine tune this concept I have created into something that will change over time. I have been working on this in the background while doing all of the above. I have to keep going. You can witness all of it. I am hoping that when the time is right for you, you will take the leap with me. It all starts here. Now.
Are you with me?
Let’s start a conversation about this little thing I call #Tishspiration!
I have had a lot of success with the #DanceWithJanet video audition on my own sharing of the dance video. I am watching the number of views climb while waiting for a response from Ms Jackson, herself. When something like this happens, it is good to keep your feet on the ground (unless you are dancing, of course)! #Tishspiration Strikes again! I have been Tishspired to share a little more about this adventure with the world.
I am sure that there are some people out there who know me that are worried about my sanity. I am fine. It was something that I couldn’t pass up trying for. Whatever the outcome, I did my best. I think of it as possibly a mid-life crisis at the worst. I am trying to make my mark on this world while I am here.
People have talked to my husband about it. They want to encourage him to support me. He does. We have done the Long Distance Relationship thing twice before. It is not easy, but it would not be a problem. People that haven’t known us longer than 10 years wouldn’t necessarily know that. It’s been done, and it could be done again. Who knows, maybe there would be times for him to visit. If not, we would manage just fine.
People are trying to convince me to make more videos. With the copyright laws, that is tricky. The #DanceWithJanet video has raised flags on Facebook. It knows what song it is and who owns the rights. I have done what I could to explain it in the posts with the video. It has been left with the music, as I am stating with the video that I do not own the rights to the song I chose, IF by Janet Jackson.
One must remain humble when something causes a larger than expected reaction. In my attempt to do this, I thought of sharing a longer video of this project. I do not have the knowledge to edit the video to change the speed of the song to avoid the issue of copyright. I tried. I fought with it. I just don’t have those skills. In time, I may learn how to do this. For now, I am clearly stating that this video is a byproduct of my #DanceWithJanet Audition, in which I claim no rights to the music in the video. IF is a song by Janet Jackson, and she owns the rights.
I hope that covers the legalities. If the sound does disappear in the future, we all know what happened. I am not intending to earn any profits from the music that I am dancing to unless I go #DanceWithJanet as a result of sharing it.
People also said that it looked easy. Let me tell you, it was a lot of work. I had to practice. At the start, it didn’t flow. It didn’t look smooth. I had to find the combination that worked the best together, which is what made the final cut. It was actually the last run through on my last video. I had fun, which will be apparent in the video I share below.
I have no regrets. I am certain that it made people smile to watch me try. What else can a person ask for in an adventure like this? Other than being chosen to go work with Janet Jackson, of course. That is the dream, and the reason I tried. I went for it. If nothing else, it made me try something new. That is one of the secrets to feeling alive, is to try new things.
As I wrote above, I am trying to keep my feet on the ground and be humble amidst all of the positivity and support during this adventure. I am going to share 2 videos. The first one is the behind the scenes blooper reel. It shows that I had to practice and work on the actual project before selecting the 30-second audition video. I will share the final audition video also. This shows the progression to the audition and the final result. Enjoy!
And the final edit!
Thank you to @JanetJackson for letting me try. If youtube or Janet Jackson remove the music…I challenge you to turn up YOUR favourite song while you watch. Let me know if it works with my Blooper Reel!