The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name. If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story. The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors. I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.
This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.
Here is Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 17
You know when you want to eat something, and you know what you should eat and you know what you want to eat and you get the easier thing because it is easier and you already are so hungry that you don’t want to spend the extra ten minutes making the better thing to eat because you are hungry right now? I feel like that a lot. This has been another week of grab the easy thing because I don’t have enough food prep cooked, even though I cooked a chicken in my slow cooker the night before last.
Tonight I will make something. I am thinking about making THM Wicked White Chili. I have made this once before, with a few small adjustments, and it was really great! So if I can get it in a pot before I go to bed, and get it in some mason jars in the fridge so it is ready to grab in the morning for my lunch, I will be on my way to being back on track, with minimal effort. That is something I can totally get up and do.
After supper. I have an errand to run, and that means I leave the house. One of the best tips I have for living on a budget is to not leave the house. The second I do, I know I am going to spend money. I have done a lot of that over the last 20 years. It is finally starting to pay off and add up. Yes, I still have a budget, and yes, I am still working on it, but we have a little more breathing room at the moment. So I don’t have to stay at home ALL OF THE TIME anymore.
If I don’t manage to make the chili tonight, I will prep some of the chicken for sandwiches tomorrow. Or to go with my spinach in a salad. I have some blue cheese dressing that is great with spinach. Cucumber and tomatoes, green onion, and there is my salad. I think that is what I will end up doing. I have been known to eat the mini cucumber “straight up” like I picked it fresh from the garden. I also have taken a knife to work to prep my salad during my lunch break, right before eating it. I always have people looking at my lunches, especially my homemade leftover lunches. I am not a PB & J kind of a lunch packer. I like having food prepped to eat and ready to grab on my way out the door in the mornings. It can be something I made for the whole week as I don’t always share my lunch with my husband.
The whole point of getting the chicken and popping it in the crock pot was to have the meat ready to go. And it is in the fridge, still in the crock pot. That is as far as I got. I have been making excuses lately for not prep cooking, and I am going to have to stop doing that. Yes, it is easier to go get fast food. But I have to keep reminding myself that I really enjoyed that chili the last time I made it, and I know it will be really good. I made the chicken, so now I have to eat it. If my husband wasn’t a fan of this recipe, I would use up the spinach in the chili. He liked it, so I am going to have to use it another way, maybe with scrambled eggs.
I made it in a pot on the stove. I used white kidney beans as I could not find the beans the recipe calls for. I halved the measurements on the cumin and the chili powder. I did not add any Greek yogurt. I do not know where to get the chilies and tomatoes mixed, so I add mild chilies and extra stewed tomatoes. I followed the rest of the recipe and it was delightful.
I go through phases. Sometimes I try really hard to stay on plan, and other times I just make the wrong choice. It is really all up to me, and if you read my story a few weeks ago, the monster has been louder again this week. It wants fast food and junk food and all of the things that got me to the weight I am at today. Sometimes I choose the wrong thing to eat because I am self-sabotaging my goals of a healthier lifestyle. I have to keep fighting with myself, for myself. I am the only one that can make those choices, and I really need to get serious about it. Again. It feels like a roller coaster at times, I am sometimes on track and doing well, and then the bottom falls out from under me and I stray from where I need to be going.
Right now, I can only imagine what it would be like to have lost the weight I need to lose. I need to do it, for me, and for my health. I need to keep reminding myself that I am worth the better choices and that I am worth the extra time and planning that prep cooking takes. Otherwise, I will have to live with the consequences, and that is not how I want to be living my life.
Since I had the sinus infection, I have been needing to use my puffer a little more frequently. I do find that it is hard to take a deep breath sometimes. It has helped, and I am not using it on a daily, or even on a weekly basis, but sometimes I find my chest feeling tight, and I need to use it. I guess that means I need to plan a real appointment with a doctor at the clinic. I do not yet have a new family doctor. I know it is important to get the appointment scheduled and go get it over with. The anxiety is still making me hesitate, but I know, deep down, that I need to make the effort to take care of myself. So the appointment needs to be scheduled, and then I need to go. I think it is time for that lovely once a year check up, and that is not something anyone should skip. If I let it go much longer I will need to get my prescriptions refilled, anyway. So there is a reason to go soon, even if it is just for that.
I didn’t know how much negativity was creeping into my life. I mean, I was so used to listening to the monster inside that I didn’t even realize that negative self-talk was happening. I am trying to listen for the inner beauty talk. It is very, very quiet. I need to listen harder. I know it is in there. And it is crying to be let out of the cage the monster locked it in. Writing that just broke my heart, a little. Maybe the crack will be enough to let the inner beauty escape the cage, and find her voice.