Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 56 Defeating Inner Gremlins

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 56 Defeating Inner Gremlins

by | Mar 30, 2018 | Trust Your Gut

This week in Trust Your Gut I am going to write about defeating inner gremlins. What are inner gremlins, you might be wondering? Inner gremlins are those little voices that whisper negative things to you, kind of like the devil on your shoulder if you prefer that description. I have been doing a lot of work on myself, and this past winter I have been having a hard time. I have difficulty being active in the winter, and I also lack gumption. It could be Seasonal Depression, but it has never been officially diagnosed as such.  It does seem to be related to the winter months, and I have noticed a change in this over the last few weeks. I am perking up with the sunshine. Or it could just be an elaborate excuse told by the inner gremlin.

In my journey to become a healthier version of myself, I can honestly say that it has been a lacklustre event since the fall. I have had spurts, but not a long-term plan of action. I think the plans up and talk myself out of them. Or rather my inner gremlin talks me out of them. I want to do things that make me feel better, but I just let lazy Tish win. She is a real pain in the ass. She doesn’t want to put an effort into anything that isn’t absolutely necessary, and she is a real downer. She listens to the inner gremlin and believes what it says. It makes her tired and cranky. Negativity will do that to the best of us. I know in my heart what I need to do, and I just don’t do it. I am perfectly capable of doing anything I want to. I just don’t believe it. Because the inner gremlin tells me otherwise.

Something I am preparing for in my journey as an author is an official author profile picture. I don’t let on that it bothers me. I am in pics all the time. I am morbidly obese. This is something I deal with internally. I don’t want my pictures to show the worst version of me, I want them to show the best version of me. I will take the time to do my hair and makeup, and wear the dress I picked out. I will make myself look nice. That is the plan. But the inner gremlins have been working against me for a while now.

When I moved away from home to go to university, I lived in a dorm for a few years. When I moved off campus, I started a ritual in my bathroom in the mornings. I turn on the water for the shower, and while it is heating I take off my glasses and take a close up look at my face in the mirror. I have been doing this for years. At first, I was just checking to see what I looked like that day and if there was sleep in my eyes or drool on my face from sleeping. Then I started looking and hearing the gremlin whispering, “How do I look today?” Not such a negative thought. It seemed harmless, so I never thought anything else about it.

Until the other morning.

I was taking my morning look, and I heard the gremlin whisper, “How bad do I look today?” I realized the whisper had changed, it was negative and hurtful. It was nasty. I thought to myself, wait a minute. How long has this been what I think when I am looking at myself in the morning? I honestly didn’t know.

This was the first time I had paid attention. I heard it, I recognized it, and I decided that I had to make a change in that thought process right away! I also decided that it was important enough to write about it here, to share this and try to help other people like me.

If your inner dialogue, aka your inner gremlins, are so smart that they fool you into thinking they are harmless, you are just like me. I didn’t even know that they were waging war on my self-esteem on a daily basis. But they were. And they WERE winning.

That is until they whispered loud enough that I actually heard the message. If you ignore them, or you don’t hear them, they can still do damage. They are there, whispering all the negative thoughts, sometimes too quietly to hear. Other times they do what mine did, and the change is subtle, so subtle that they can be missed. If you overlook them, that is where the danger lies, because you are not defending yourself, and you are not taking them seriously. They are nasty little buggers, and they need to be defeated. In this case, ignorance is bliss for the inner gremlins.

After I had that realization, I made a decision. It is going to take me a while to be able to say that  I have conquered the inner gremlins, but I have a plan. I am going to say something positive to myself every morning as I look in the mirror. It will take me a long time of doing this to make it feel genuine, that it is real. I have to start somewhere. I hope that it will help me with my goals of becoming a healthier version of myself. I need to not just say that I am worth it, I have to believe it. This is the first step in a new direction on that path.

#TrustYourGut (Sorry it is a week and a day late)

Treasure Seeker Tuesday # 24 When Opportunity Knocks

Treasure Seeker Tuesday # 24 When Opportunity Knocks

by | Mar 30, 2018 | Treasure Seeker Tuesdays

 

After attempting to write this Treasure Seeker Tuesday once already this week, and being 700 words into it, my fingers took it out. I had it saved and typed it right out of existence. Sometimes, things don’t work out the way you plan them to. This was a perfect chance for a rewrite. It’s too bad my eyes were the only ones that saw my first crack at this story. It was pretty good. Now I have the challenge to make it better. When opportunity knocks, you should really answer that door.

Part of being an adult is knowing when to admit when you are wrong, and more importantly, apologizing. I was recently invited to be a featured creative in a brand new E-Zine, called Creatives Rising. In my excitement to help spread the good news, I approached it incorrectly. It was a bit awkward, and I had to delete the initial post to write it again. That wasn’t the hardest part. I then had to apologize.

The publishers were very gracious. I was honest and upfront about not trying to do the wrong thing. They understood that I wanted to learn how to do things properly, and provided instructions on how to correct the posts. It crossed my mind to just bail, but that would not have been a way to learn how to work with people. I held my breath and when the dust settled, I submitted my article.

Then I had to wait. Patience is tough when you try something new and get off to a bumpy start. It is even harder to wait when it is something that is really important to you. I worked hard on that article. I put a lot of thought into writing generally, but when you are writing for someone else, it feels like it is really important, and you want to put your best effort into it. I was given the Topic Creative Highlight and the subject was Peace. It was a challenge, but I worked on it, then sent it in. I didn’t know how it was going to be received, or what to expect, really. This was my first time submitting an article for an E-Zine, and I was really nervous. I didn’t know if what I wrote would be up to the standards that were expected.

Miscommunications and misunderstandings happen to everyone. The trick is to learn and grow from the experience, instead of letting it hold you back. I learned this a long time ago, back when I started dating my husband. He would say things, I would not understand what he meant, I would get upset and cry. Then we would talk, and he would explain what he meant. Back then I think we might have spoken different languages, even though we are both very fluent in English. He is bilingual, with French also, but I am not. We also had a bumpy start. I have to tell you, I have no regrets, our communication with each other has grown and matured with our relationship. I do not back down from him, I question him if I don’t understand what he means. We have been together 25 years and married for almost 8 of them. We had a lot of time to learn about each other, and practice our communication skills.

See what I did there? I made you wait too.

When I got the draft back, there were suggested edits, and they wanted to drop a paragraph. I thought it was reasonable, so I revised the draft and sent it back in. With one sentence needing finalization after the second round, the article was complete. Then I waited with everyone for the launch of the Creatives Rising E-Zine Spring 2018 Issue. It’s an online publication FOR Creatives, BY Creatives in affiliation with @CreativesRising and @CreativeEnergyGoddess
#CreativesRising2018 #CRZine #amwriting #HappyWriting

I am very proud to be a Featured Creative in this publication and am so honoured that I was invited to participate. It is available through an online subscription. The file is large, and your computer will advise you of this. It is so worth downloading, and not just because of the article I wrote for it.

How to Avoid Creative Barriers: Peace out! …is the name of my article.
You can subscribe here: 

If you do subscribe, let me know in the comments, so that I can thank you. I would also be interested in reading any thoughts you have on my article and the whole Creatives Rising E-Zine. I am really glad that I pushed my own boundaries to take a step forward in my own writing goals. I plan to keep writing. Who knows what opportunity is going to come knocking next? I am ready.

#TreasureSeekerTuesday (On a Friday morning…because of circumstances and a finger trip)

 

Treasure Seeker Tuesday # 24 When Opportunity Knocks

Treasure Seeker Tuesday #23 It is Time to Tell a Story

by | Mar 14, 2018 | Treasure Seeker Tuesdays

In Treasure Seeker Tuesday this week, it is time to tell a story. Once upon a time, more than a few years ago, I was chasing another dream. A local craft store had decided to close. I talked to the owners, I made a business plan, I presented it to a committee, and it was rejected. It was rather deflating. The dreams were dashed, and I put it away. It is hard to put yourself out there for a dream to have it crushed. Really hard.

Inexperience was probably the biggest factor in the rejection. I did not know how to make a business plan. I didn’t have any money of my own to use as an investment. From that rejection, I then tried to create my own jewellery business, which I have yet to officially launch here, on the website. It used to be known as Tish’s Treasures, which was launched years ago at the local Farmer’s Market. I gave it a good try, for 2 years, but there were restrictions. There I was, a brand new entrepreneur, chasing my dreams of turning my hobby into a sustainable source of income; stuck following someone else’s rules. I was allowed to sell beaded ornaments and suncatchers, but not my jewellery. That venture was doomed before it even started.

Tish’s Treasures turned back into a hobby, one that made appearances with me as a vendor in different craft shows. I did sell a piece or two, here and there, but it never really took off. It wasn’t until this past January, when I pulled my product out of a local store, that I realized that the old business, under the old name, was holding me back.

I haven’t launched any of my product here yet, officially. I have shared my new business name, Tish MacWebber, Always Blinging…
I have yet to take pictures to post products for sale on this website. I have dreams and plans, but they are larger than life. My imagination knows no boundaries.

Writing books and being a jewellery designer is something that works in my mind. I don’t know if I am going to be able to make it work in the real world. As I started writing this, I realized what is holding me back. I’m terrified of failure. Literally terrified.

I have followed my dreams before. Not with as much conviction as I have had this time, but I have tried before. I do not like being told no, and I certainly do not like to be proven to be wrong. I can admit when I am wrong and apologize. But how do you apologize to your toughest critic, yourself?

I have grown a lot since I wrote my first business plan. One of my peers is encouraging me to use her template to write my own business plan. I have been avoiding it like the plague. You guessed right, I am scared to try.

Which sounds ridiculous when you think about it. I have spent very little money on my adventure this far, and I am not ready to give up. Not by a longshot. Despite this very thing, I am avoiding writing my books right now. I am scared of not being able to finish them. Yeah, I know, stopping is the fastest way to never finishing them. I have bailed on a lot of projects in my life. This dream is not going to be one of them.

You might think I have things all together on this side of the computer. Nope. I am not an organized planner at all, even though I have two 2018 agendas that match and are waiting to be used. I bought two sizes so that one could be portable if I needed it, and the other would be my main desk planner. One does help me to keep track of appointments and my husband’s work schedule. They are not being used to their full potential.

Neither am I. While I am Always Thinking…
I am not always doing. Therein lies one of my problems. I am not taking action. I am keeping up with the Blog, but it has been a lacklustre effort of late, and I am changing that right now. I am writing something meaningful again, not just writing for the sake of the commitment to the schedule I set up for myself.

I am at a crossroads while I write this. I have two choices. I can say to heck with it and walk away. That would be the easy option. It would lead me back to a life of putting up and shutting up. Taking whatever comes at me, and losing myself in circumstances. Woe is me, the universe is out to get me, and I am helpless to do anything about it. That really is what my life was like before I started putting myself out there and trying to find my purpose and passion. There is the teeniest, tiniest spark left inside of me. That flame needs to be fanned, and nurtured, and fed to grow. It is the part of me that makes me shake my head when I am writing about giving up. It is the part of me that fuels my passion, and I have to let it flourish. To let this spark go out is to let the creative dreamer inside of me die of boredom, frustration, and hopelessness. That is not something I am willing to do, no matter how scared I am of putting my work and myself out into the world again. A failure is only a true failure if you let it beat you. If you pick yourself up and shake the negativity off, to try something different, change your perspective and attack it from a different angle, you win at life. I want to win at life. I need to follow my dreams. I haven’t felt this good about one of my blog posts in a while, so I am taking that as a good sign, and that I am on my way out of whatever was dragging me down.

I have to share one more experience here, with you. It was from before I even tried to open a craft store on my own, and failed. I was in need of legal advice. I met with a lawyer. I told him about my issues, and he advised that it was not the kind of thing that he could help me with. We had a conversation, and he listened to me talking about this crazy idea I had to open my own craft store. I had a floor plan and had talked to people about flooring and storage and the interior design. I wasn’t ready to present the business plan at that point, but it was clear to the lawyer that it was something that lit a fire inside of me, he could sense that I was passionate about this idea. I had other friends at the time see the same thing, and they were excited for me and with me as I gave it my best shot. It didn’t work out.

The lawyer did two things that day that I will never forget. The first one was that he didn’t charge me a dime. How often do you ever hear people say that about a meeting with a lawyer? Not too many. The second thing was a little more insightful. He encouraged me to keep working on my dreams. He told me that he wasn’t sure that this was the right path for me at that time, but he was certain that I was going to be successful at something, he just didn’t know what, or when. Here I am trying something new, and pushing myself harder than I ever have before.

I might just surprise myself and do just what I set out to do this time. Write my books and design jewellery together, because that is how I want it to be. My passion, my dreams, and my rules.

This story may appear in part or in whole in my second book. I am calling it The Art Of Surprising Yourself, which I announced earlier on my social media platforms this week. This is just an example of something that you might find in my second book. What do you think?

#TreasureSeekerTuesday

 

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 56 Defeating Inner Gremlins

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; #54 Push It Real Good

by | Mar 9, 2018 | Trust Your Gut

In this week’s Trust Your Gut; Push It Real Good,  I am pushing myself. I am my own worst critic, and sometimes I am really hard on myself. When I fall off the wagon, it’s not usually a small thing. I don’t do anything the easy way, and I don’t tend to minimize things. When I get back on track, I tend to go all out. Until the next slip up.

I have been working harder to stay on the plan. The scale reflects it. FINALLY! I am happy to say that I am down 3 pounds. That is worth celebrating! A few changes do make a difference. I made it to Zumba twice, and I just finished about 30 minutes of shovelling heavy snow. There is another storm, and I am home first, so I get to shovel as much as I can before my husband comes home. I cleared the steps and walkway and made a path to the street. That took me 30 minutes. At that time, my thumbs usually start getting cold. I learned the last time that if I ignore them and keep going, it will be a painful experience as they warm up. I don’t know if it is caused more by poor circulation, or if it is a side effect of diabetes called diabetic neuropathy. I used to think it was just the one thumb, and although that one does seem to be affected more by the cold.

Diabetic neuropathy can be very painful. I have had nerve pain, and my new doctor is wondering if I am experiencing it because of diabetes. I can’t say for sure. I hurt my thumb that is really sensitive to cold temperatures, years ago, and I always thought that it was a side effect of hitting my thumb. Now I am not so sure, as they were both bothering me tonight.

I also have pain in my right thigh. Not all the time, but it can bring me to tears when it is bad. I have discovered that it is coming from my hip flexor muscles. I have had physiotherapy and acupuncture to try and release whatever is causing it. It is a pinched nerve, so I try and stretch the muscles when I can. I would not wish nerve pain on my worst enemy. Just another reason to keep pushing myself. When I lose weight, the thigh problem may go away. That would be wonderful.

I am a little down this week, as my blog has not been getting as many views as it used to. I don’t know what to think. I do know I am going to keep writing, and hopefully, it will turn around. If you are reading this, thank you. I need all the support I can get on my journies, and I hope in some way I can help people with my writing.  The only way to know is to keep on blogging.

#TrustYourGut

Treasure Seeker Tuesday # 24 When Opportunity Knocks

Treasure Seeker Tuesday #22 Love This Viral Trend

by | Mar 7, 2018 | Treasure Seeker Tuesdays

In Treasure Seeker Tuesday #22 Love This Viral Trend, I am going to share a fun, uplifting viral trend with you.  I could not wait to take my friend, Matty out to help me be trendy. ME! He loved the idea also, and we both had a blast this evening after work.

First, I want to share a teaser of the glasses that I am not buying. I always try on the wildest styles, just for fun! Here are the wildest ones I encountered while I was out trying on glasses. I am told the pair I am replacing are out of style. It is not that I don’t love my current look, but even I admit that I love getting a new look every 2 years. Sometimes, I do have to wait longer, if my prescription lenses don’t need to change.  My husband thinks that I am high maintenance. That makes me laugh so hard! He has NO idea what that means, which is why it is so hilarious.

I must say, that walking around, trying on glasses, looking into a cellphone, and saying, “Cheese!” multiple times until it took the pictures of me was rather amusing.

That is a little sneak peek of what I didn’t buy for my new glasses. I did order a regular pair and a pair of sunglasses. I am really looking forward to getting them on Friday, after work.

So what is this viral trend that I decided to participate in? Well, I saw a video earlier this week on Facebook. I am, as you know if you read my blog, an author, and I am writing my first book. I have been advised many times to get professional headshots done for my Author Bio. I am also doing as much as I can myself, and when I need help, I ask my friends. I know a few people that are photographers, but I really think that my friend Matty is really talented. We have an agreement that when I am a rich and famous Author, I will pay him for his photography services. In the meantime, we are learning what we need to do to make that perfect Author pic happen. We are picking days and learning by having demo photo shoots. Today was one of those days.

The trend I am referring to is to go to your local craft store, find the walls of artificial flowers, and pose like they are real. It is a simple, wonderful concept, sure to chase away the winter blues, at least for a couple of hours. We went for an hour, and had a blast! Nobody asked us what we were up to, although I think some people were curious. Here is the link to where I saw the idea…#HobbyLobbyChallenge.  While I do not have  Hobby Lobby store in my city, I do have craft stores. We went in, had our impromptu photo shoot, looked around for a few minutes, and left to continue on with our regularly scheduled Tuesday. I didn’t come up with this idea, and I know that there is a grammatical error in the video, (I didn’t make the video, either) I do love the concept.

When I was grabbing the link to share here, I noticed a lot of comments about the grammar and the store. I am not going to focus on that. I think that if you look at the pictures we took in the hour at a local craft store, you will agree that it was an hour well spent, and I think for a spur of the moment photo op, we did well!

Here are the 30 pics we took today, for you to view in a slideshow. Let me know what you think!

So I am issuing a challenge to you all to go and have yourself a “Bring on Spring” photoshoot! We liked the idea, and had fun! I am going to be on the lookout when spring and summer are here to try and find a natural floral backdrop for another adventure or ten with my photographer and friend, Matty. Thanks for helping me today, and for supporting me on my journey. We are going to rock this together!

#TreasureSeekerTuesday