Here is another weekend, wrapping up. Not close to being finished what we are working on, but we are going to get up and go in a few minutes to keep getting the living room reorganized.
I am happy to report that I was busy this weekend, it was relatively quiet, and mostly at home, so I got the downtime I needed after the excitement earlier this week. I also did some writing, which I had not made enough time for, and I was stressing over that too.
Friday night I came home and decided to join in some writing sprints for NaNoWriMo. There is a time set and we all write on our own. When the time is up we share a bit and tell our word count totals. Between Friday and Saturday, I did four of these, and I got over 10,000 words written for the novel. Editing will be necessary later, but the point of Nano is to get the word count. I am finally moving in the right direction again.
That is my highest word count on any novel writing to date. I am so pleased that from here on out I am beating my own personal record with EVERY SINGLE WORD.
I have spent time shredding paper in the living room, to have less clutter to deal with as we reorganize the living room. We have been planning to do this for a while, and it is finally happening. There may be pics next weekend as it should be done by then.
Today I started with a movie and breakfast out after. I wasn’t impressed, so I am not going to write about the food. I enjoyed the movie. We went to see Justice League. It was better than the critics are leading people to believe. We all enjoyed it. They are making me a fan of Wonder Woman all over again. Aquaman was well, um, yeah. Nice.
There was a new Deadpool trailer before the movie, and in typical Deadpool style, it was totally hilarious and had not too much to show about the movie. If they can duplicate the success from the first one in the next one, I am going to be very happy. But don’t bring your kids. Deadpool movies are NOT for kids. I am a fan, however, and I plan to go.
As I still have a list of things to do here this weekend, I am going to get back to it. I am feeling like we made enough progress that I want to keep the momentum going.
What did you do this weekend?
#WeekendWarrior
I had a health scare this week. I was at work when my chest felt tight like I couldn’t breathe in a deep breath. I have been experiencing ringing in my ears and realized it is affecting my sleep. I had a lot of indigestion. I was worried. I have read that the symptoms for women that have heart attacks are not as easy to tell as they are with men. I have some of the risk factors, including my weight, and diabetes. So when I was trying to ascertain what was happening in my body, I thought maybe I should go get checked out.
When I got to the hospital, I spent a fair bit of time talking to the triage nurse. She asked a lot of questions, and someone else took my temperature and blood pressure. I had no fever, and although my blood pressure was high, I was quite admittedly, freaking out.
I am not the most active person in the world, but I enjoy Zumba, and sometimes, when I want to, I can run short distances. If I’ve gotta go bad enough, I will run to the washroom, for example. I can walk fast when crossing the street if there is a car waiting for me to cross it. I can push my speed limits, and I have the capability to do more than I actually do sometimes.
I do go to Zumba, as often as I can. Last night I missed class. I was at the hospital. I hated missing class, but by the time I left work early, I needed to follow through and make sure that I was going to be OK.
I didn’t have pain, but my chest was feeling really tight. It was hard to take in a deep breath. I had a lot of gas, and that was making it worse. I decided to take a walk outside to see if I could make myself feel better.
It didn’t help, and at that point, I was really starting to panic. I was upset. My supervisor and another supervisor talked to me for a few minutes, and I called Roy to come and get me. He was home, it happened to be his day off. I made him take me to the hospital. He waited with me, even though it drove him a little crazy to lose all of that time there.
Six hours later, they had run an ECG and taken bloodwork and cleared me from having any issues with my heart. I can still have faith that my heart is strong, and it wasn’t the issue yesterday. I didn’t get an official diagnosis, but I am fairly certain that it was an anxiety attack, also known as a panic attack. As it came with a new symptom this time, I didn’t want to take any chances.
After the doctor ran the bloodwork, he came back and asked me about another incident in 2013. I was confused and said I didn’t remember that, and he was confused because they had run a 24 hour test on me at that time. When we questioned him, he looked again. He explained a few minutes later that another paper was mixed in my papers, and everything was normal. Talk about a mix-up. Doctors are human too, and there had been two traumas arrive while I was waiting to be seen. As long as he corrected the mistake, and apologized, that was fine by me. It also meant I was not losing my mind.
Living my life as someone that is classified as morbidly obese does come with its own challenges. I can’t do everything I want to do sometimes. I have to pace myself and fight to catch my breath when I do push too hard. I have to learn to say no a little more often, and I don’t like that word, no. I need to take more time to rest so that I don’t have panic attacks. I need to work on me a little harder. I am trying, really hard on that one.
The doctor said that it was good for me to get checked out. I had actually seen him when I had the knee infection two years ago. I don’t think he remembered me, but I remembered his name. He did tell me that they don’t want people to be there for every little concern, of course, but that if I had a genuine concern about my heart, they would rather see me go get it checked then have me found after something bad happened, and it is too late. I felt a little silly waiting there all that time but relieved that all the tests came back normal.
Having panic attacks are becoming more common in my life, and I plan to talk to my new doctor about it next month. It may be why my ears are ringing so much. I really need that to calm down. Knowing that what I felt may just be another symptom of a panic attack, will help me do what I have done to deal with them so far. I usually calm myself down, but I have to know what is going on before I can do that. Yesterday had a curveball.
I was trying to figure out how to explain panic attacks to people that don’t get them. I am not an expert, nor do I know if what works for me would work for other people. I was thinking before I started writing, that for me it is like treading water. I love swimming, and treading water is a good skill to have. I can tread water for a good amount of time and I don’t mind doing that. However, it is harder to do if you are only using your legs. For me, if I am only using my legs, and then I lift my arms up over my head, I go under the water. So I metaphorically had my arms up over my head yesterday, and I had to stop and reassess.
I stayed home today to rest and recover from yesterday’s ordeal. I needed the downtime, and I hope it will help me cope better with work tomorrow, and next week. I postponed an event I am hosting here for a week later, to give me more time to be ready. I have been told in the past that I am too hard on myself. Maybe I am. But I don’t know any other way to be. So I am going to keep treading water and keep working on me. I am glad I did go to the hospital, if for no other reason than to know what was ruled out after the testing was done. Now I have to figure out a better way to deal with my stress and anxiety so I can carry on and do what I was meant to do with my time here. I don’t have any plans of giving up anytime soon.
#TrustYourGut
Confused yet? I was. On Remembrance Day, 2017, I spent a few hours contemplating things. The people that are currently serving their countries, the people who are now at home as veterans, and the people that did not get to go home. I thought about innocent victims of war, both people, and animals. I thought about heroes, and my own grandfather, who is no longer alive but lives on in my heart and fond memories. He came home a veteran and lived for many years with his family. Not everyone was as lucky as he was. I thought about people that I know, including one of my cousins, currently serving our country and a colleague that often shares memories with me on breaks at our day job.
When my internal alarm clock, also known as my bladder, woke me up on Sunday morning, I knew that I was going to have to find my pen and notebook. Inspiration found me in the early morning on November 12th, and I know better than to let it be without writing it down. My early morning thoughts can be lost if I trust them to my memory alone.
I found my book and pen and started writing. The final result of my early morning scribbles are polished to share with the world, now, but it took me a few days to figure out how to get my message out in the right format.
I looked online to see how to submit it to local and online papers. That is harder than I thought it would be, and one had the restriction of no political letters. I asked for advice, and everyone said to put it on my blog. I wasn’t sure. To be honest, I didn’t even know if I should sign it before putting it out in the world, because as sad as it may be to read, and therefore write this, my message may not be taken as seriously when I sign my name at the bottom. I hate to admit it but being a woman with a message that needs to be delivered may not get the attention it deserves because a woman wrote it. I see it in publishing, and many female authors have pseudonyms or pen names to have a fair chance of publishing success. Others choose to use an initial instead of their whole name, and there are plenty of examples of this in the publishing industry.
My point here is not that I am fighting for equality. That is for another day, along with environmental issues, violence, abuse to oneself or others and a variety of things that are wrong in the world that we live in today. My letter was written to achieve a request for World Peace.
Do I believe it could happen? Yes, with prayer, guidance and humility. Humanity has the greatest potential to make changes that affect all of these things. Cynics will laugh and say it is not going to happen. I refuse to sit back and watch the world end without trying to do something to make it better.
Enter my blog. I am making my own world a little better every time I write. Especially when I have a plan, and surprisingly, even when I don’t. Sometimes I don’t have any ideas before I sit down to write, but I sit down anyway. I have three regular categories I am writing in every week, now, and I don’t want to let myself or my followers down. I just write. I make it important because it is important to me to keep building this blog up to be at its fullest potential and then break the next milestone with something even better. It lights me up, gives me something to look forward to, and makes me feel proud to hit that publish button.
World Peace is achievable, and it is an attainable goal. It wouldn’t be an easy thing to get the whole world to agree to stop fighting in wars, I am not kidding myself about that. It would be an extremely complicated thing to do, not that it would have to be that way. The reason it would be so complicated is that so many people would be involved in making it happen. They all have demands, rights, and opinions. It is hard for me to even imagine some of my friends at the same party together, but if I could make them all get along, I would love that. Essentially, that is the end goal. We don’t all have to like everyone all of the time, but we all would be better off if we could just all get along with each other.
World Peace is something that I pray for every day. It is something that matters to me and is close to my heart. I am asking you to read my letter below, and if it makes sense to you as something that more people need to see, then do not keep it to yourself. Share it wherever you can, as many times as you like. I believe that if people just read this, and stop for a minute to think about it, changes could happen. This blog has grown to be so much bigger and better because I am constantly working to make it that way. Think of what we could do if we work together on a project like this. We can take this letter, and make sure it goes where it needs to be. I know this in my heart, and I am trusting that after you read my letter, you will feel the same. I have to get this message out, I am counting on all of you to help me do that.
If you would like to share just the letter in a separate PDF file, it is here:
An Open Letter to the Leaders of the World
Thank you for reading, and for sharing if you choose to do so.
#TreasureSeekerTuesday
Treasure Seeker Tuesday: Photo by Tish MacWebber; Photo Edited by Noa Price
Another weekend win for me this week! I was kidnapped on Friday night while driving my own car of my own free will and coerced into a girl’s night out with a friend. We hadn’t had a lot of fun It had been a while since we saw each other, so I decided it was worth it to spend time away from writing and be with a friend. We went out for dinner and a movie. It was a lot of fun.
Saturday had a slow start. I watched the Remembrance Day ceremony held in Ottawa on TV. I do appreciate the sacrifice that anyone and everyone made to give me the freedoms that I enjoy today. I also watched a show on the History Channel. It was a roundtable discussion of veterans and they were sharing some of their experiences. For the better part of 3 hours, I thought about my grandfather, listened to the stories, and watched the ceremony. I also was away from social media for those hours. It was how I wanted to remember, and I am incredibly thankful that I have the choice to do it in a way that felt personal to me. I had a root beer in honour of my grandfather, he used to drink root beer.
I then took my time on social media, sending out a few things, to let people know I was back. I planned to clean my desk and the living room. While I was watching TV, I was thinking about the furniture arrangement. Roy had suggested a plan to move things around, but I wasn’t sold on his plan. I saw an alternative to it in my mind, and when I described it to Roy, he thought about it, and he liked it too. He modified the idea I had, but we are now on the same page and we started cleaning to prepare. Stores were closed on Saturday. That night he went out to hang with the guys. I worked on the cleaning.
I got up and wrote something Sunday morning. Early. I went back to bed, and I dreamed about the thing I wrote being stolen, changed, and passed off as the original work. I thought my life was in danger, but it was just my writing. After I got up I calmed down; and made breakfast. Then I waited and waited. Finally, we went to buy the DIY project supplies and a few other things we needed. Later on, much later on, Roy pulled out the saw he bought and started cutting wood. I made him stop, it was late and too noisy. He will finish another time. We want the room to be reorganized and ready for next Saturday. I am hosting a NaNoWriMo write-in and then heading out to watch my friend in a Karaoke competition. So next weekend will be busy, but I have time scheduled for writing! Finally. Once this room is moved around, then we can settle in for the winter, and enjoy living in it again.
There you have another busy weekend. I may not have things on time, but I am still writing, something, when I get a chance. How was your weekend?
#WeekendWarrior
Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues. It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on. Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real. The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale. If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog. I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.
The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name. If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story. The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors. I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.
This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.
Here is Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 37
This week I have not stepped on the scale, or measured inches. I did go to Zumba Monday and missed it Wednesday because of circumstances beyond my control. I hope to start going twice a week again starting Monday. The day I made it I had 5,187 steps. That might be the highest step count I have ever had at a Zumba class.
I mentioned that last week I was on the scale at the doctor’s office. I was up. I didn’t want to face it. Bahahahahaha! My chocolate chin is where it all went. I swear. I wasn’t going to put a number on it, but as I am sure that I lost half of it already, I can face it now. 😉 I had gone back up to 312 lbs. I knew things were bad, and not as bad as the worst, but I was right. Making small changes to ease myself back into eating more on plan than off plan is working. I am sure the 12 lb chocolate chin is 6lbs or even less right now.
If I don’t laugh at it, I will curl up in a ball and cry as I eat the rest of the Halloween chocolate and chips. I am going to have my Thursday glass of wine with some Smartfood Gouda & Chive popcorn. Maybe more wine if I want to, but not necessarily. I need to get back on track one meal, snack and day at a time. I am happy today that I made BigMac salad for lunch yesterday. It was SO good. I am probably having it for lunch tomorrow. I made a pot of chili tonight. I am trying. That is better than not trying, and I can live with that. I couldn’t live with a 12 lb chocolate chin.
I think it is time to look at a new NSV. If you are new here, that is a non-scale victory. I admittedly love chocolate. Chocoholic, right here. I can make chocolate treats on the plan. But I am thinking about something bigger. Bolder. Goal achievement status.
I keep seeing commercials that catch my attention. Something I saw tonight made me think I need to get focused, and I think I found my next reward. I am not going to have to only go to twoville for this, I am going to need to be in onederland. That big.
More than one goal. As if I am just working for the big one, I am not going to make it. If I set the goal too high, I will fail. I know it. I can plan clothes shopping trips as I need them in the short term. I am also gearing up to start wearing more makeup. So those things can be small goal rewards. This may have to be the end of the journey prize! What on earth am I planning?
Well, I think it is time to set my sights on some other forms of chocolate. The inedible kinds. There are chocolate coloured dogs. I want a dog. We aren’t ready yet…sad, I know, but it is a major decision, and I want to be sure that I am 100% ready for the responsibility of taking that dog home. I now have an idea. How do I make it bigger?
BLING! I make beaded jewellery, and I am working on my website to launch it. I am not expecting it to be an instant source of income (although I wouldn’t have a problem with that), but I rarely make jewellery for myself. Bigger. Have you figured it out yet?
Diamonds, my friends. I am going to talk to my husband and set some realistic goals, and buy myself some diamonds. But not just any diamonds. For this plan to work, it has to be chocolate diamonds. I want Bling rewards!
I might be too far into the wine to be rational at this point, but I don’t think so. I am planning to up my game and work hard for something tangible. Something that won’t affect my blood sugars, and won’t cause me to be morbidly obese anymore. I have been saying that I am worth it, and it is high time I start planning to show it. So there you have it. I am setting the chocolate bar for myself, 😉 and you know what? I am looking forward to saving up for something really special.
#TrustYourGut
P.S. I am on time with this one!