Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 74 | I Had A Dream

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 74 | I Had A Dream

I have had a few things on the go in the last few weeks, and I wasn’t sure how to tackle this story until the night before last. What I have been working on includes one part of the journey is from my childhood.

I call it the salt cod incident.

If you have never eaten salt cod, I consider you among a lucky group of people. In my opinion, salt cod is gross, and it was in our meal rotation when I was a child.

I have shared that I would strive to be the first one to clean my plate at the supper table to get the desired dessert. It became my thing. To me, it was a daily reward for something I could do well. When I would ask what was for dessert and I was told to have fruit, I felt disappointment. I would still eat it, but it didn’t qualify as dessert to me, when I was a kid.

One night, I was about four, we had company for supper. And salt cod was the protein on my plate. There was not enough green tomato chow in the world to cover the taste of the salt cod.

I made a plan.

My four year old self wanted to get dessert. She also did not want to eat the salt cod. She decided that she would stuff as much of the salt cod as she could into her cheeks, go to the bathroom and spit the fish into the toilet. Really creative for a four year old, when I think back to it.

My parents were not fooled by the chipmunk cheeks. I was not allowed to go to the bathroom. Instead, I was taken to a bedroom and yelled at to swallow my supper. I defiantly yelled, “No!” for as long as I could stand to. I was having a battle of wills with my father. He was rightly concerned that I would choke on the fish if I kept stuffing it into my cheeks without swallowing it. We also did not waste food in my home.

Eventually, a tearful four year old returned to the kitchen table to finish her supper.

Why am I sharing this story?

In the VIBE Method of Emotional Weight Release with Coach Elaine, we work on the emotional side of our journey. After having a breakthrough in August, and continuing to work while learning the VIBE Method, things are looking better than they have in a really long time.

A few weeks ago, it looked like I had lost a significant amount of weight. As a result, I am not focusing on the fluctuations right now. Instead, I am focusing on being kind to myself, and making smarter choices. I no longer eat quickly. Dessert isn’t an option every evening. I am not letting food determine how I plan my day. (This is HUGE for me).

After I expressed the feelings of turmoil, I participated in a private coaching session. When the weight climbed up higher on the scale, I wasn’t sure I handled week three the way I was supposed to. I knew I would need help to find out why I felt like things were in turmoil. I used this word to describe how I was feeling in week four. It was our last week, and I didn’t understand why I felt that way.

We started what was supposed to be a 45 minute session with my uncertainty. I shared this with Coach Elaine, and she wanted to run through all four weeks in a recap with me. Not in the detail of each week as we worked in the group, but to review what I had worked on to find out where the bump in the road was.

Putting it all together

After our two hour long additional coaching session, I am really glad we scheduled an extra session. It was the right thing for me to do, to ask for help.

Upon further reflection and discovery, we worked through one of the processes again. I realized that when I was four, the battle of the wills was when I started feeling like I wasn’t being HEARD. I was screaming, but what I had to say didn’t matter, because in this instance, I was wrong. When I have something to say, I give up when someone is not listening to me. This is something I am working on.

I wouldn’t say I have ever lost my voice, however I have had to learn how to speak louder so that I can be heard, and more importantly, taken seriously. For this to be effective, I have to believe in myself.

During our coaching session, the words VALUE and WORTHY became a part of the conversation. I needed to explore why the salt cod incident was so prominent in my mind. We were working with the first memory we had when our feelings weren’t validated.

The screaming match is what I remembered. Not that it was abusive, not that it was meant to hurt me, but because what I was expressing was not being treated as a valid reason for what I was trying to do.

Where does the dream come into the picture?

The night before last, I had a dream. It was what I was waiting for to help me to write this entry. I was dreaming that I managed to spend time with a movie star. I won’t put a name to him, I will leave it to your imagination. He was telling me that he wished I wasn’t married.

Even in my dreams, I remain loyal to my husband. I have had other dreams, and I always put a stop to things before they get carried away, even in my subconscious mind. I love my husband so much, I couldn’t ever dream of cheating on him. Not even with a movie star.

This movie star was put into the friend zone, in my dream. The next part of my dream had me telling Roy that I was elated because this movie star found me desirable. Worthy of wanting a relationship with. We were talking about my feelings, and the word JOY came to my mind. I was feeling absolute joy that someone other than my husband found value in having a conversation with me. The next words I received were: Isn’t it obvious? Everything was clicking into place. The work I have been doing in my conscious mind has crossed into my subconscious and into my dreams.

Before I woke up, Roy and I were trying to find this movie star at the end of my dream. Roy was helping me because I really wanted to express my gratitude to him for the messages I was receiving. I woke up before I was able to complete this, but it wasn’t a necessary step for my own progress. I got the message.

What I have to say does have value. I am worthy of love, just as I am.

I may not have all the answers, but I am open to the messages I need to receive to be able to grow as a person and make the changes I need to reflect on the outside the work I am doing on the inside.

#TrustYourGut

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 74 | I Had A Dream

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 67 | It has its ups and downs.

Issues with weight. It has its ups and downs. On the scale, in the grocery store, with activity…I could go on for days with how many things can affect my issues with weight. I am not alone. So many people have issues with their body image, and if it is something everyone experiences, then we need to take a step back.

Reflection on our body image can be a harsh experience, if we let it. I remember when I was writing about gremlins, a while back, who were whispering so softly I didn’t even realize they were inside my head. One thing we can do to help ourselves is to change the message we are hearing from within. I did not come up with this concept, but I am giving it a whirl.

I have been working so hard on myself and this includes my health. It is tedious to be focusing on it all the time. It could be something to obsess about if I let it. I am not the best at the daily record keeping for this. Why?

I struggle with prioritizing me on my list

What? I have been working on this issue for what seems like the whole time I have been writing in this category. If I was doing this on a regular basis, things would be better. I know it. You know it. Sometimes I have a hard time thinking that I deserve to be on my list. Oh, I have this, and that, and so many things to do that I should do which are more important than filling out the daily checklists which I have taken the time to write down. Am I filling out the paper for time management were given to me to track my time? NO! I am important enough to fit my health and my time into my list. Why can’t I just grasp this concept? It is a struggle, like the title says, with its ups and downs.

Yes. I am writing that I did take the time to make my checklist, and I do have paperwork for accountability to bring to all of my appointments. This is my attempt to get the ball rolling again. For the billionth time. Maybe this time it will work. It has to.

The pressure of letting down the professionals I am working with is not enough incentive. It used to be. When I decided to work on me while I have the time, I was doing the work. I stopped. As a result, I am trying to get back to creating healthy habits. Some days, it is so hard.

I was relying on others to make me do the work

Of course it was easier to get me to do things if other people were counting on me. If others need my help, I am the first one to volunteer. I need to focus on more than just time management. I need to get to the bottom of my issues. What does that mean, really?

It means I have to do the work.

As we all roll our eyes at this, me while I write it, and you when you read it, it is the truth. It isn’t rocket science. Hard work is not easy, and if you fall out of line, it isn’t so easy to get back on track. If doing the work was easy, it wouldn’t be something a lot of people struggle with.

Accountability Groups

I am in a lot of groups on social media. Most of them are not run by me, but one is. It is a support group, of 8 people with weight issues. I do find it is helpful for me to have a safe place to encourage others and myself. It helps me to try harder and to do better. The members help me to change it for the better, which is incredibly helpful. Their input is crucial in keeping it active. I am scheduling the posts a week at a time, so I don’t fall behind. I still interact with the group in the prompts, and for now, I am happy with it.

We do work on meal planning, tips, weigh ins once a week, non scale victories, feedback, spa day, and activity. One topic per day, although sometimes I miss a day here or there. I have added in recipe shares when I find new recipes, or some I have tried already and love.

I do think I can keep improving it, but for now, it works for our needs. Part of the work I need to do is to manage my time more effectively, to become more productive. This will allow me to do more of the things I need to do in more areas of my life.

Finally, I want to ask you about how you think of yourself.

Self-reflection is a difficult thing to do. Start with your positive features, and increase from there to how awesome you are. Especially if you read this blog! ūüėČ I happen to think my best feature is my blue eyes. Instead of commenting with what you do not like, please leave a comment below about your best features. Let’s share our ups this week, and forget about the scale.

Weekend Warrior #48

Weekend Warrior #48

Hello Weekend Warrior readers! This weekend was again your Thursday and Friday. Things will be getting back to normal for me soon, and I will be really glad for that. It has been a learning curve with training for the new position. Thankfully, I know a lot from my previous position, so it is not ALL new, but I am finding it drains my energy because it is still new to me.

This weekend I had a lot of goals and zero gumption. I think my seasonal depression is starting to kick in. I will be adding some more vitamin D asap. I live in Canada, and that is the one vitamin that came as a recommended one when I saw a specialist a while back. I do take multivitamins, but I think I might need a little boost. No, it is not an official diagnosis by a doctor, but it does seem to be a pattern that I have seen the last number of years. I just keep doing what I can.

The challenges help, when I get around to doing them. I feel like I am close to burning out, though, because I am just blah. I am still going through the motions, but I am capable of more. It is hard to just get the little things done, some days. When you combine the time of year, the new position at work, and the amount of things I have accomplished in the last 14 months working to build my Author platform, and writing books, keeping up with the blog, and trying new things all the time, eventually I was going to need some downtime. I think I am smack dab in the middle of my downtime season. Which is tough, because I have goals and deadlines. I have things to do that need to be done.

I am starting to wean off from all of the challenges I was doing. I need to focus on applying what I have already learned to my advantage. It is hard, though. I see the new ones starting up, and it would be so easy to lose myself in the challenges again. A part of me feels like I am going to be missing out on some important things. Another part of me is more sensibly saying to take a break. I can learn more after I have worked through all of the information I did learn already.

I did some volunteer work yesterday. I was unable to attend the event today, but I helped the Boston Terrier Rescue Canada team set up the booth for the event last night. I was only there an hour, and then I decided to get groceries. After that, it was time to pick up my husband after work and get ready to start my work week. The good news is that a friend is taking me to see Pitch Perfect 3 tomorrow night. I am really looking forward to that. My husband is not interested, so we are going to leave my car for him, and my friend and I will take his car to the movie. It is nice to have a night out on my Tuesday with a friend. Tomorrow. Your Sunday. I will be so glad when things are back to normal.

I am not holding my breath because things tend to change at work if you get used to them. If things go as they are looking, I will be back to my regular hours so that I can do the new job, and get back to Zumba very soon! I miss it, and I hope that it does work out. I am liking the fact that I can listen to my music at work again. It really helps me to stay positive. Music is my jam, people!

I had an underwhelming 2 days off. I did very little, and that means the weekend has its second win already this year! I plan to get that fixed asap. I need to feel like I am in control again.