Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 83 | What Did My Brain Just Tell Me?

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 83 | What Did My Brain Just Tell Me?

by | Jan 21, 2022 | Trust Your Gut

This is Trust Your Gut | What Did My Brain Just Tell Me? Trust Your Gut is a series of blog posts that began on February 2, 2017. In this first blog, I introduce the concept of the category and begin to share my own story. In this blog, specifically, I write about something very dangerous. Denial.

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues. It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on. Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real. The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people that have weight issues, on either end of the scale. If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog. I know there are people out there that want to help people like them, as I do.

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name. If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story. The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors. I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

Here is Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 83. 

In just about every online space you go, these days, at least in the platforms I use on a regular basis, people are talking a lot about mindset. The power of the mind is a miraculous thing when it is being used for a greater purpose. It can also lead people down the wrong path. I am not writing about the criminal mind, nor the mind of people who have mental health issues in this case, though. I am writing about how it can make you believe something that just isn’t true. In this case, I am writing about denial.

I love to read, especially fantasy and science fiction.

This love for reading has allowed me to expand my own creative horizons and write two books, with many other projects, and more to come, God willing. I love my imagination, and the way I can create worlds in my writing, with the hopes of fascinating readers with what I publish. When you read for pleasure, you also read to capture a bit of escapism from the real world.

I have been reading some books by Jim Butcher, who is the author of The Dresden Files. The main character, Harry, is a wizard for hire in these books, and I quite enjoy reading all of the trouble he gets into and manages to wiggle his way out of. It is a similar type of character that I have created more than once when I have been playing Dungeons and Dragons. Some of those characters have had fantastic adventures, the kind legends are born from. By doing the same thing as this wizard, in their own way.

Not too long ago, I was reading one of these books, called White Night. In this book, a character description made me pause and shake my head at what I heard myself thinking. The character was a mafia bodyguard, male, and he was described as massive, at over three hundred pounds. I thought to myself, “That’s not that big. I weigh over three hundred pounds.” It was at this moment I had to stop myself from reading, to process what I was thinking in response to that character description.

I then thought to myself, “Wait a minute. What did my brain just tell me?”

It was at this time I reread the paragraph and took a moment to process the amount of denial my brain has been feeding to me for the majority of my life. Three hundred pounds IS big. The distribution of the weight also plays a huge factor in this realization.

A person who is significantly taller than my five foot two and three-quarters of an inch in height would have the benefit of a larger area to distribute this much weight. Plus, it is a character described as a bodyguard, which would also have a different muscle to fat composition than I do. This character would be healthier, and not morbidly obese. Yet the weight of three hundred pounds is described as massive. I needed to proceed carefully as I processed this information.

I am still very mobile, even though lately I have had a hard time catching my breath. I can get up and down, walk and dance. I can sprint if there is a short distance to be covered and time to recover on the other side of that sprint. But I know that the distribution of my weight is all on the front side of my body, and it is more fat than muscle. And I got on the scale last week. I now weigh more than I did when I took that picture. It was really disappointing, but it is one reason why I am trying to do better.

I’m not going to make the mistake of thinking I am massive.

A part of last week’s story comes from the fact that people tell me I don’t look as big as I am, and that I carry the weight well. I am tired of not looking the way I feel. I do not see myself as massive, nor do I see myself as morbidly obese. When I look in the mirror, I just see myself. When I step on the scale, I see a number. Higher or lower than the last time, but nonetheless a number. This past week, it was 336.4 lbs. I am not in a hurry to get back on a scale after seeing this number, but when I do, I will share it for accountability. It is time to start dancing more every day.

On a positive note, I sang with the radio in the bathroom today to, “I want to dance with somebody” by Whitney Houston. I was done in the shower, and stayed in there to sing my heart out, and dance a little bit. When the song was over, I peeked around the corner at Roy and sang, “Don’t you want to dance, say you want to dance, don’t you want to dance?” His reply was, “Oh, I heard you singing.” He is not a fan of my singing, not at all. I said, “GOOD!” as I bopped down the hallway. We both laughed. I am doing better because I am trying harder. For now, that is what I am focusing on. Just doing as much as I can to be better.

When was the last time you had a reality check? #TrustYourGut

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 61 | Resources and Support

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 61 | Resources and Support

by | Feb 8, 2019 | Trust Your Gut

I started a weight loss support group. It seemed like I was doing well at the start, with the weight loss. After the holidays, I gained more weight. I was very disappointed, but, I could only blame myself.

Things changed in my life around the same time. I changed jobs. I was a bundle of nerves, and I did it. After working at the same job for seven years, I took a chance. You can probably imagine how surprised I was to be unemployed three months later. Consequently, I am still adjusting. I am choosing to see this as an opportunity to write full time.

Control

What I do have control over is what I eat. I have been unemployed for almost two weeks, and in that time I lost 10 pounds. I gained one back this week. My eating habits and my sleeping patterns need to be scheduled again. With a schedule, I will have more control.

I had an appointment with my doctor. She was expressing concern about my sugars. They were creeping back up again. One positive thing to note was my blood pressure was good we have been working to improve it. I was overwhelmed that day, and I told her I had nowhere to put the emotions I was fighting to hide.

I was having a hard time. There is no easy way to say it. I was struggling in many areas of my life, and I didn’t know how badly I needed help.

The doctor asked me if she could set up some appointments. With tears rolling down my face, I agreed. At the time, I was concerned about my work schedule. It is no longer an issue. I have had two of the appointments, and am working on the others. One is with the Diabetes Clinic. One is with a social worker. I did not know what to think about it.

The social worker was really nice. She explained that she meets with people to help them find the help they need, by connecting them with resources. If there is one thing I am learning, is that if you can use resources which are available to you. Use them to the fullest advantage.

We talked about the loss of my income. She recommended a community food program for fruits and vegetables. I am looking into it this week. She wants me to go to the career counselling center I had gone to about a year ago. In a few weeks, I will meet with her again.

An appointment with the health coach I had been working with back in the fall will be rescheduled. I had every intention to reschedule. Now I will make time. One would think that becoming unemployed unexpectedly would have left me with a lot of free time.

Why am I busier now?

I am working towards a freelance writing career.  I am staying up too late and sleeping in. There is a need to make time for exercise. It will come. I need to catch up on chores. I am starting to work on them. We are eating more meals at home, as we have to be careful with our budget. Healthy eating will be a challenge on a tighter budget. I need to fight my way out of this to be able to take the next steps to managing my health, and my life.

I am making my own schedule. Today I went outside to shovel the snow. It was an attempt at a little fresh air and exercise. There had been a little snowfall today. I wanted to feel like I accomplished something.

Winter is hard on my mental health. I am susceptible to seasonal depression. I am adding vitamin D into my daily routine, to see if it helps. Today was a really hard day. I made myself get up, get dressed, and go outside. I didn’t want to get out of bed. Things will be easier in the spring. For now, I keep fighting.

This week, I accomplished a lot

I relaunched my website and I had some appointments. Today, I fought the winter blues and made my way outside. Tomorrow I am going to cook 2 healthy meal options for myself. I can keep working on my own goals, and stop being a victim of circumstances. I will. It might take some time to get things going in the right direction again. Once I make up my mind, things start happening. It is good to be blogging again. I think I need this part of my life to be active to help me to be accountable. Hopefully, this helps a reader one day too.

It’s hard to start over. How do you get things under control again? Let me know, maybe you can help me as I try to help you.