Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 17

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 17

 

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 17

You know when you want to eat something, and you know what you should eat and you know what you want to eat and you get the easier thing because it is easier and you already are so hungry that you don’t want to spend the extra ten minutes making the better thing to eat because you are hungry right now?  I feel like that a lot.  This has been another week of grab the easy thing because I don’t have enough food prep cooked, even though I cooked a chicken in my slow cooker the night before last.

Tonight I will make something.  I am thinking about making THM Wicked White Chili.  I have made this once before, with a few small adjustments, and it was really great!  So if I can get it in a pot before I go to bed, and get it in some mason jars in the fridge so it is ready to grab in the morning for my lunch, I will be on my way to being back on track, with minimal effort.  That is something I can totally get up and do.

After supper.  I have an errand to run, and that means I leave the house.  One of the best tips I have for living on a budget is to not leave the house.  The second I do, I know I am going to spend money.  I have done a lot of that over the last 20 years.  It is finally starting to pay off and add up.  Yes, I still have a budget, and yes, I am still working on it, but we have a little more breathing room at the moment.  So I don’t have to stay at home ALL OF THE TIME anymore.

If I don’t manage to make the chili tonight, I will prep some of the chicken for sandwiches tomorrow.  Or to go with my spinach in a salad.  I have some blue cheese dressing that is great with spinach.  Cucumber and tomatoes, green onion, and there is my salad.  I think that is what I will end up doing.  I have been known to eat the mini cucumber “straight up” like I picked it fresh from the garden.  I also have taken a knife to work to prep my salad during my lunch break, right before eating it.  I always have people looking at my lunches, especially my homemade leftover lunches.  I am not a PB & J kind of a lunch packer.  I like having food prepped to eat and ready to grab on my way out the door in the mornings.  It can be something I made for the whole week as I don’t always share my lunch with my husband.

The whole point of getting the chicken and popping it in the crock pot was to have the meat ready to go.  And it is in the fridge, still in the crock pot.  That is as far as I got.  I have been making excuses lately for not prep cooking, and I am going to have to stop doing that.  Yes,  it is easier to go get fast food.  But I have to keep reminding myself that I really enjoyed that chili the last time I made it, and I know it will be really good.  I made the chicken, so now I have to eat it. If my husband wasn’t a fan of this recipe, I would use up the spinach in the chili.  He liked it, so I am going to have to use it another way, maybe with scrambled eggs.

THM Wicked White Chili Recipe

I made it in a pot on the stove.  I used white kidney beans as I could not find the beans the recipe calls for.  I halved the measurements on the cumin and the chili powder.  I did not add any Greek yogurt.  I do not know where to get the chilies and tomatoes mixed, so I add mild chilies and extra stewed tomatoes.  I followed the rest of the recipe and it was delightful.

I go through phases.  Sometimes I try really hard to stay on plan, and other times I just make the wrong choice.  It is really all up to me, and if you read my story a few weeks ago, the monster has been louder again this week.  It wants fast food and junk food and all of the things that got me to the weight I am at today.  Sometimes I choose the wrong thing to eat because I am self-sabotaging my goals of a healthier lifestyle.  I have to keep fighting with myself, for myself.  I am the only one that can make those choices, and I really need to get serious about it.  Again.  It feels like a roller coaster at times, I am sometimes on track and doing well, and then the bottom falls out from under me and I stray from where I need to be going.

Right now, I can only imagine what it would be like to have lost the weight I need to lose.  I need to do it, for me, and for my health.  I need to keep reminding myself that I am worth the better choices and that I am worth the extra time and planning that prep cooking takes.  Otherwise, I will have to live with the consequences, and that is not how I want to be living my life.

Since I had the sinus infection, I have been needing to use my puffer a little more frequently.  I do find that it is hard to take a deep breath sometimes.  It has helped, and I am not using it on a daily, or even on a weekly basis, but sometimes I find my chest feeling tight, and I need to use it.  I guess that means I need to plan a real appointment with a doctor at the clinic.  I do not yet have a new family doctor.  I know it is important to get the appointment scheduled and go get it over with.  The anxiety is still making me hesitate, but I know, deep down, that I need to make the effort to take care of myself.  So the appointment needs to be scheduled, and then I need to go.  I think it is time for that lovely once a year check up, and that is not something anyone should skip.  If I let it go much longer I will need to get my prescriptions refilled, anyway.  So there is a reason to go soon, even if it is just for that.

I didn’t know how much negativity was creeping into my life.  I mean, I was so used to listening to the monster inside that I didn’t even realize that negative self-talk was happening.  I am trying to listen for the inner beauty talk.  It is very, very quiet.  I need to listen harder.  I know it is in there.  And it is crying to be let out of the cage the monster locked it in.  Writing that just broke my heart, a little.  Maybe the crack will be enough to let the inner beauty escape the cage, and find her voice.

#TrustYourGut

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 17

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 15

 

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 15

Up to now, I have been sharing my story and the stories of others with their issues regarding weight.  That means if you are reading this week’s story, and have been since I started writing, you know that I am struggling.  Sometimes week to week other times day to day, but it could literally be bite to bite.  I wake up thinking about food.  I go to bed thinking about how tired I am or am not, and this is usually related to what I ate that day.  When I dream about food, it wakes me up to go test my blood sugar.  If it is OK, then it was just a dream.  Sometimes it is my body telling me that I need to get a glass of juice.

Today was no different than any other Wednesday.  I got up, went to work, went to Zumba, and then I came home.  Where I knew I had meat in the fridge, both cooked and ready to be cooked, but I could not bring myself to start making a healthy meal.  I wanted the easy way out.  I sent an SOS to my husband for fast food.  I was tired when I got home today.  Bone tired.  I decided that I would nap until he arrived home.

Sometimes it is the only way to accomplish everything that you need to do, taking the easy way.  But taking the easy way is not the healthy way to live.  I am living proof of that.  The easy way is not the path less travelled.  The easy way is the way to childhood obesity and the epidemic that I happen to be a statistic of, the Type 2 Diabetes crisis that is blowing up all over the world right now.  If you continually choose the easy meal, the easy snacks, the sugar, the preservatives, the chemicals and the toxins you will not live a healthy life.  It isn’t possible.  It’s called junk food for a reason.

What is the alternative? Hard work.  If you put in the time and effort into yourself, it will pay off.  It doesn’t matter if you stray from the path when life happens.  What matters is that you value yourself enough to go back to the path you have chosen to follow because you strive towards living a healthier lifestyle.  There are always going to be days when you are too tired to cook.  I have had days where I am so tired and hungry that I can’t even decide which restaurant I want to go to.  The main thing is that I don’t give up forever.  I keep trying.  I keep pushing myself to do better.  And I keep celebrating every little success along the way.

I cannot stress the importance of planning ahead and prep cooking enough.  If I had made that casserole last night, I would have had supper planned, and this helps me to make healthy choices.  Sometimes I am too busy.  I planned my lunch today but found I was very cold at work, so I bought soup and BBQ chips to give my circulation a little kick in the pants with some mild spices.  Would I do that again tomorrow?  Not unless I felt the exact same way I did today.  I am usually bundled up in layers at work, but there are limits to what I am able to wear and what they will allow me to wear to stay warm at my desk.  Today I was maxed out on layers, and still cold.  I did what I needed to do to adapt to the day.  It worked.  Tomorrow may be a different story, yesterday I found it a little cold, but tolerable.  Today I could not get warmed up.  This is a side effect of having thyroid disease, sometimes I am cold when I should be warm.

When I am out of ideas for lunch, I plan scrambled eggs and cheese.  I can cook it in the microwave, and I can eat vegetables with it.  I almost made that for lunch today, but I changed my mind and made good old PB&J on sprouted bread.  I am not the biggest fan of this sandwich, so I am using regular peanut butter.  I bought the kind that has no sugar,  which must be stored in the fridge.  It was left too long and dried out.  So for the few times that I make it, I am using regular peanut butter.  When I decide to make something that has a need for peanut butter that is on the plan, I will buy more that is made with just peanuts and salt.  I use sugar-free jam.  The sprouted bread is on the plan.  2 out of 3 ain’t bad, to quote a song by Meatloaf.  I ate my sandwich after Zumba class, to hold me over until the fast food was here to eat.

If you are struggling like me, then neither of us is alone.  It can be a solitary journey if you are hiding behind closed doors or sneaking around to feed the monster inside.  I am calling it what it is.  A monster that is obsessed with food, and thrives off of sugar.  It does not mean that I am a monster.  It does mean that I have to fight it. The harder I fight, the smaller it will be.  It will reflect on the outside what is happening on the inside.  And that is where the beauty hides.  The beauty that is inside all of us needs to be nurtured and loved.  It will flourish and bloom if we give it the attention that it deserves.  When this happens, you start to glow from the inside out, and the monster shrinks inside.  Just as the monster scares your inner beauty, the glow from that inner beauty outshines the monster if we let it.  As someone who loves to sparkle and shine, I am going to focus on that for the next week, and see where it takes me.

Trust Your Gut is the weekly series that I have decided to publish on Thursdays.  I think it is time to  give it a hashtag of its own.  Help me to get the word out to other people that may need to read these stories and know that they are not alone.  Help me to reach out to other people that want to help by sharing their own stories.  All it takes is an idea to create something big that matters and can help people.  I am starting that now.
Together we can help people, just like you and me.

#TrustYourGutThursday and #TYGT

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