Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 19

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 19

 

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 19

I got on the scale this morning.  The number wasn’t as bad as I was worried it would be, but it is still not in twoville.  I knew I would not see good news, but as I expected, there were no surprises there.  I know by how I feel what is happening, without getting on the scale every day.  It had been a while, and I needed a reference.

I am having trouble in my kitchen this week.  There has been an invasion of ants.  I have declared war, and I think we are winning.  It is a slow progress kind of war, and it has distracted me from my personal tasks and goals.

I have not had an ant free day in my kitchen all week.  I am seeing less and less ants, and the ones I saw today seemed to be slower than those in the last few days, so I am tentatively hopeful that this means the war is almost over.  I have not wanted to make anything to eat in my kitchen all week, as a result of this.

My healthy lifestyle has become a casualty of war.  It could have gone in two different directions.  One being I stopped eating anything because I am so grossed out about the ants being in my kitchen.  This is not realistic.  I have to eat.  So I did it again.  I ate take out all week.  Let me tell you, I am not thrilled about this, but I felt like it was the only way I could eat because of the ants.

Is it a legitimate thing to do?  Yes.  Is it an excuse to eat out and go the easy route for the week? Yes.  Is it productive and conducive towards my personal goals for living a healthier lifestyle? No.  Is it a budget friendly option? No.  Is it a logical solution? Maybe.  I write that because when I haven’t been cooking, I have been hunting and cleaning up the countertop that the ants are crawling on.  That means all the hard work I did cleaning the whole winter, my coffee station, and the countertops all have to be emptied and wiped clean AGAIN.  For the millionth time this week.  Ugh.

I have made progress in other areas of my life in the last month.  I have been cleaning and purging stuff.  I have been writing about that in my Weekend Warrior Category.  I am preparing to write books, and have been practising on my blog, getting into the habit of writing.  I have done well with both of these projects, and I can let myself be proud of the progress I am making in those areas.  So why is it OK for me to let myself down in the most important part of my life, my health and well being?  It’s not.

I had a genuine blood sugar low today at work.  My sugars were at 3.9 when I tested, and I was in full panic mode when I did.  I can feel it happening in my body.  I start feeling a wave of uneasiness, and I start to panic.  When it is an actual blood sugar low, I get weak and shaky.  My head and scalp perspire profusely.  I mean buckets.  I get a little confused and have a really hard time focusing. I was in a meeting when I started to feel it happen, and I rushed out asap and tested while chewing up suckers and drinking a juice box.  I got some extra candy from some colleagues, and I overcompensated because I was panicked.  It took me about two to two and a half hours to recover from that episode.  I am much better this evening.

I know why it happened.  I went to Zumba last night, and it had been a few weeks since the last class.  I started to get my regular exercise routine back.  I took my normal amount of insulin this morning.  But my body was doing that thing it does when I am trying to watch what I am doing, and it became sensitive to the insulin again.  It is great that it works better sometimes, but it is not so great when I happen to have that in between adjustment period that causes me to have lows and have to lower my doses of insulin.  Which is also good, because it means that I am achieving better control over my blood sugars.  But what a roller coaster ride that can be!

It is hard to adjust to everything all at once.  I am a fighter, and I am still able to do what needs to be done.  Sometimes I need to remind myself that it is not OK to put my own health and wellness on the bottom of my list.  Because it needs to be as important as everything else I invest my time in.  I tell people all the time that I am tougher than I look.  I believe it.  But I also know that I am a human being and that I am not supposed to be perfect.  All I can do is get up every morning and do the best I can in all aspects of my life.  It is a work in progress, and progress is progress, so I will take it and run with it.  Until I can’t catch my breath.  And then I will keep moving in the right direction.  One step at a time.

#TrustYourGut

 

Weekend Warrior # 14

Weekend Warrior # 14

I am so PUMPED after this weekend!  I HULK SMASHED IT!  Without turning green and angry!  What a busy, productive weekend!

Friday night I was at Relay for Life, specifically for the Zumba at Relay.  Expect a story this week to tell you all about that.  It had some real special moments, and there are some great pics to share.

Saturday was cool and rainy and drab.  Hubby worked this weekend, so I got up and got the car.  Got a few groceries on the way home and got some cleaning done.  I did some laundry and ran the dishwasher.  Nothing picture worthy.  I found out that I lost a pillow sham (and the puns did find my post about it on my personal Facebook page).  This caused a full stop on the kitchen cleaning and started a full-on search for the missing sham.  No house elves were found wearing said sham, either.  The search continues.  Maybe, just maybe it is in the towel area over the washer and dryer?  It was not in the linen closet where it should have been (I am in the middle of reorganizing that mess since yesterday) or maybe it is under the bed ( I tried to look but with my knees, I try not to get down on my knees on the floor) and I am running out of places to look.  I am sure it will reappear.  I am crossing my fingers about that one.

Sham on me my cousin wrote.   It was never a real pillow it was just a … 😉 was left by another friend.  The puns keep me laughing while I tear my home apart to find the culprit of the whole sham.

I got inspired while in the master bathroom working on the linen closet to do something I have been thinking about for a long time.  I have been wanting to purge my makeup.  I do not wear makeup every day, but as a collector, I had gathered quite a stash.  It was neatly organized in 3 wicker baskets on my counter, gathering dust.  I panicked about tossing it all because I might need some of it for a special occasion or something in the future.  My budget does not always allow for this type of purchase.  The last time I bought makeup it was January 2016.  I have had some product since the wedding in 2010 or even before that.

I will be writing a separate blog about that adventure.  It happened Sunday.  I got up and put a roast beef in the oven right away.  I set the timer for 3 hours, it was frozen going into the pan.  I had planned to get ready and go to church before the makeup shopping event.  I mean, it could have been an event, it was a big thing for me.  I decided that I did not want to rush, and had breakfast and got ready for my day.  I postponed church until this evening (I actually went and was not late).  The makeup event happened-details will be in a separate blog.

I got home, sliced the beef, made sandwiches, ate 1.5 sandwiches and rushed out to church.  I then fit in a few small errands on the way home, finished the last half a sandwich I made earlier, made 2 sandwiches for my husband, picked him up from work and rushed off to see Guardians of the Galaxy, Volume 2.  It was a fun movie.

I have yet to finish my next submission for a well-known publication that has a deadline this week.  That will be tomorrow’s priority.  I have started writing it already, but it is not ready for the beta reader yet.

There you have it!  Non-stop, action-packed, super busy weekend!  I got some cleaning done, in tandem, from one end of the mini home to the other, all day Saturday.  I want to an extra Zumba class, for a good cause.  Spent time with friends Friday and again today.  Different friends on the different days.  I even fit in a movie with my husband to finish it off! Sorry, I’m a little late getting this one published this week, this is the first chance I had because I wanted a productive AND fun weekend to write about.  Mission accomplished!  HULK SMASHED IT!

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 19

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 12

 

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 12

Sometimes I am scared to eat.  I know;  a morbidly obese person is not expected to write those words.  I am so overweight that it could kill me, and I certainly didn’t end up weighing this much by not eating, that is for sure.  But there is this thing I have called type 2 diabetes.

Let’s get it straight.  I am a person that has type 2 diabetes.  The same way I am a person that has thyroid disease.  The same way I am morbidly obese.  The same way I have allergies.  All of these descriptive phrases contribute to different parts of me, but they do not define me.  I think that it is the time that we all take a look at that and really think about it.  Because saying that someone is a diabetic is almost the same as saying they are not a person, because of how you say it.  I am a person that has diabetes.  I am a woman that has blue eyes.  The colour of my eyes does not define me, but it is a part of many things that contribute to me, the person as a whole.  In a world where people are way too quick to label people and judge them, I think it is time to stop doing this.  The world is changing all the time, and people are trying to be more politically correct.  If we all think of each other as people that have many adjectives to describe them, it is a good place to start.  We all have our good qualities and we all have our issues.  Mine are not the same as yours, but we all have issues and good qualities.  That is the common ground we all have together.

Back to being scared to eat.  I am learning how to treat blood sugar lows.  I have learned to drink a juice box, and have a sucker or a candy, and wait.  I then check my sugars again.  If they are responding to the treatment, I stop panicking and move on with my day.  If they don’t, I may go overboard and eat too much candy to get my sugars up, and then I have to figure out what to do to bring them down again.  If I overreact and they are high, it means I am not panicking about them being too low anymore, but that means they are too high.  This is one scenario similar to what I am writing about, except there is another time when I am really scared to eat.  When my blood sugars are high, and I don’t know why.

I am starting to learn what I should eat to bring my blood sugars down.  It is not an easy thing to figure out.  I take insulin, and if you take too much, it is possible to die from an overdose.  I am very scared that this could happen to me.  So I am careful if I have to take more insulin than a regular dose when my sugars are higher than normal.  But how much is too much?  Some days I don’t even know how much I should take.  On those days I either play it safe by not taking too much which is usually not enough,  or I check my sugars every couple of hours to make sure I am not dropping if I take that larger than normal dose.

If my sugars are high and I am not able to get them to a normal level with insulin, that is uncharted territory.  I am fighting with them a lot this week.  I am worried that there is a reason behind them being so high, and for why it seems so hard to get them back under control.  It can be a sign that something else is going on in my body like it is fighting an infection. I will be honest here, I have never seen them as high as they were this past Sunday night.  I took insulin.  Got up the next morning, and they were down, but still high.  I took 2 doses of insulin that were quite high when I added them together, because of how close the doses were taken.  Only after the second dose did I see a change, and it wasn’t drastic, and I didn’t crash with a blood sugar low.  I went to Zumba Monday night, and they were almost within normal range.  I have not had a spike in high blood sugar like that today, but I am STILL fighting to get them under control and keep them within normal range. (I am writing this on Tuesday evening).

When this is happening, I am scared to eat.  I am scared that anything I put into my mouth will cause my sugars to go even higher.  It is not a weight thing.  I am worried that my blood sugars will just keep climbing and I won’t be able to get them back under control.  I know I need to eat.  I know that if I make healthy choices, things will have to change, it is just a matter of time.  But delaying that meal can be detrimental to what could happen.

Let’s say I just don’t eat.  My sugars might spike as my body tries to keep sugar in my bloodstream without the addition of food.  Eventually, the sugars will drop.  I then become a little desperate, hangry, and indecisive.  That combination will eventually lead to my blood sugars dropping.  This is not productive and does lead to a panic when I realize that my sugars are starting to drop.  It is at that time that I reach for an easy meal or snack that may not be the healthiest thing for me to eat, and the roller coaster has fuel to continue.

What I have learned is that if I wake up with a pattern of high blood sugars, I do need to increase my long-acting insulin dose.  A little at a time, until I have normal fasting blood sugars in the morning.  Then I can ease it off.  Protein is supposed to help with this also, and I am trying to find a bedtime snack that does more good than harm.  Throughout the day I have to test frequently, to help sort out what is causing the blood sugars to be high and not normal.  This may cause me to skip a snack because of the level I see when I test.  It also may cause me to delay eating because I am scared that it is only going to make things worse.

And then it happens.  The insulin starts working again, and I am not having blood sugar highs anymore because I am now fighting blood sugar lows.  This is a byproduct of getting them back under control.  When my body decides to accept the insulin, it does it suddenly, and I am scrambling again to get my sugars within normal levels.  If I am not monitoring them constantly during this time, I risk them staying too high if I am not taking enough insulin, or having to lower my doses because my body is responding and I am taking too much insulin.  It is difficult at times to try and outsmart this diabetes that I have, and that is why I am scared to eat sometimes.

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