I am writing a little out of sequence today. I have some Tishsplaining to do about a new Tish-ism, or Two. That’s right, I made up some new words. Tishspiration and Tishspired. I will give you some background information on how these two new Tish-isms popped into my mind today.
Yes, it is Tuesday. I’m aware. Instead of the regular Treasure Seeker Tuesday post that is normally what you would expect to be reading today… SURPRISE! I am always saying that my Super Power is surprising people, including myself. Guess what? My day started with a really big surprise. This is what happened.
It’s Tuesday. I crawled out of bed and made it to my computer. Started catching up before I got ready for work. I saw something that caught my eye. If you follow me on facebook or twitter, you already know what it is. If not, I am going to share a link to this amazing surprise I woke up to this morning…
OPEN AUDITIONS! I couldn’t believe my eyes! Within the last 2 years, I have said to some members of the Zumba Crew that it would be a dream job to be a backup dancer for Janet Jackson. LITERALLY. Here is my chance to try out for it!
I have been putting myself out into the world in a lot of different ways since November 2016. I started the Blog, and moved it here, to the website. I have started writing books. I’ve begun a journey to become a healthier version of myself. I have shared that I am morbidly obese and that I have type 2 Diabetes. I have been going to Zumba for a couple of years. I used to really enjoy Step class and BodyJam, both being dance-based exercise classes (one with a step). I LOVE MUSIC and I LOVE TO DANCE!
I got to thinking today at work. I have been told by more than one person that I am a breath of fresh air. I am funny. I am an inspiration. I know I am determined. I know I am a hard worker. I know I have a really big heart. I know my purpose on Earth is to be a writer because I have stories to tell. I have written songs. I love creating things. I am a jewellery designer. I have danced since I was a teenager. To be honest, I have always been a dreamer.
I made a Facebook Live video on Sunday, asking anyone who has told me that I am an inspiration to them to help me understand what it is that I am doing that makes them think I am an inspiration. I am waiting to see if anyone replies to that request for help.
As I write this, I am trying my first glass of unsweetened almond coconut Silk. I can’t say that I am a fan. I prefer the unsweetened cashew Silk, with or without the vanilla. Surprise! (This random shift in thoughts is brought to you by me trying something new)!
Today at work I pondered about how to submit my 30-second audition video to Janet Jackson. That is not a lot of time. I have to dance, and because I am not a professionally trained dancer, I need to find another way to stand out. If I don’t show my true personality, I won’t be memorable. This is the Big Leagues in my Dream Chasing World! I NEED TO BE MEMORABLE!
How do people stand out in social media in thousands or even millions of 30-second audition videos? They go Viral. What am I good at? Surprising people and myself. I have not gone Viral. YET. My day is coming soon! (I know you saw those hashtags in the picture with the tree).
One way I grab people’s attention is through my writing. Another is through my sense of humour. Still, another is by using my Super Power of Surprises! (I really am full of them)! One that is new to me is being an inspiration to others. I believe it is the next step for me in this journey along the zig-zagging path less travelled with a few side trips along the way.
I was really excited with what I came up with for a concept today. I am not going to reveal the video concept. You will get a link when it is released, here on the website, I promise. I do go to Zumba. I love to dance. I am not a professionally trained dancer. I am making a video anyway. I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. Well, I take that back. I would lose weight. Dancing is hard work. I would lose the issues I have with my self-esteem. This would be something that I could really work hard at, and success would be something that could literally help me save my own life.
Type 2 Diabetes is at epidemic levels in North America and in some other countries. I was diagnosed in November 1999. At that time I was 24. Adult-onset diabetes is what Type 2 Diabetes used to be known as because people only used to get this disease when they were middle-aged. There are now children getting Type 2 Diabetes before they are teenagers. This is totally controllable and even reversible in some cases. I know that being morbidly obese from poor food choices and low activity levels are the main reasons I am fighting for normal every day. Sometimes I am fighting with every meal. Exercise helps. Making better food choices helps. I can only imagine what a complete lifestyle change with an opportunity like this could mean to not only me but to people all around the world that are like me. Fighting every bite, every meal, and every day just to be normal.
To do this, I am going to have to put everything I have into it. I am also going to need help. One does not go viral all by themselves. If that could have been done, I would have done it already. 😉
By now, you must have figured out the new Tish-isms. Tish doesn’t understand everything about how she inspires people. What she does know is that she has inspirations and can inspire herself at any time, through her own habit of Always Thinking…
It came to me today. My thoughts are Tishspired and I have Tishspirations all of the time. I need to have my own hashtags with my video to get my message to the world, and to Janet Jackson and her team. These hashtags will help, when I share my video (and even before if people want to help me get the word out).
Here they are:
#DanceWithJanet (the official hashtag for the audition videos)
and the one that gives a hint to my song choice…
Ms. Jackson, if you are reading this, first of all, Thank You. I am honoured that I can even try. Not only would choosing me help me to save my own life, but it would be something that I promise I would not treat lightly, and I would share with the world so that I can Tishspire other people just like me, to put themselves out there, in the real world to make their dreams come true. I can learn routines, and I can dance. I have to try. I will.
Then we will see what comes next.
I have added the link here for my video. I DID IT!
This week in Trust Your Gut I am going to write about defeating inner gremlins. What are inner gremlins, you might be wondering? Inner gremlins are those little voices that whisper negative things to you, kind of like the devil on your shoulder if you prefer that description. I have been doing a lot of work on myself, and this past winter I have been having a hard time. I have difficulty being active in the winter, and I also lack gumption. It could be Seasonal Depression, but it has never been officially diagnosed as such. It does seem to be related to the winter months, and I have noticed a change in this over the last few weeks. I am perking up with the sunshine. Or it could just be an elaborate excuse told by the inner gremlin.
In my journey to become a healthier version of myself, I can honestly say that it has been a lacklustre event since the fall. I have had spurts, but not a long-term plan of action. I think the plans up and talk myself out of them. Or rather my inner gremlin talks me out of them. I want to do things that make me feel better, but I just let lazy Tish win. She is a real pain in the ass. She doesn’t want to put an effort into anything that isn’t absolutely necessary, and she is a real downer. She listens to the inner gremlin and believes what it says. It makes her tired and cranky. Negativity will do that to the best of us. I know in my heart what I need to do, and I just don’t do it. I am perfectly capable of doing anything I want to. I just don’t believe it. Because the inner gremlin tells me otherwise.
Something I am preparing for in my journey as an author is an official author profile picture. I don’t let on that it bothers me. I am in pics all the time. I am morbidly obese. This is something I deal with internally. I don’t want my pictures to show the worst version of me, I want them to show the best version of me. I will take the time to do my hair and makeup, and wear the dress I picked out. I will make myself look nice. That is the plan. But the inner gremlins have been working against me for a while now.
When I moved away from home to go to university, I lived in a dorm for a few years. When I moved off campus, I started a ritual in my bathroom in the mornings. I turn on the water for the shower, and while it is heating I take off my glasses and take a close up look at my face in the mirror. I have been doing this for years. At first, I was just checking to see what I looked like that day and if there was sleep in my eyes or drool on my face from sleeping. Then I started looking and hearing the gremlin whispering, “How do I look today?” Not such a negative thought. It seemed harmless, so I never thought anything else about it.
Until the other morning.
I was taking my morning look, and I heard the gremlin whisper, “How bad do I look today?” I realized the whisper had changed, it was negative and hurtful. It was nasty. I thought to myself, wait a minute. How long has this been what I think when I am looking at myself in the morning? I honestly didn’t know.
This was the first time I had paid attention. I heard it, I recognized it, and I decided that I had to make a change in that thought process right away! I also decided that it was important enough to write about it here, to share this and try to help other people like me.
If your inner dialogue, aka your inner gremlins, are so smart that they fool you into thinking they are harmless, you are just like me. I didn’t even know that they were waging war on my self-esteem on a daily basis. But they were. And they WERE winning.
That is until they whispered loud enough that I actually heard the message. If you ignore them, or you don’t hear them, they can still do damage. They are there, whispering all the negative thoughts, sometimes too quietly to hear. Other times they do what mine did, and the change is subtle, so subtle that they can be missed. If you overlook them, that is where the danger lies, because you are not defending yourself, and you are not taking them seriously. They are nasty little buggers, and they need to be defeated. In this case, ignorance is bliss for the inner gremlins.
After I had that realization, I made a decision. It is going to take me a while to be able to say that I have conquered the inner gremlins, but I have a plan. I am going to say something positive to myself every morning as I look in the mirror. It will take me a long time of doing this to make it feel genuine, that it is real. I have to start somewhere. I hope that it will help me with my goals of becoming a healthier version of myself. I need to not just say that I am worth it, I have to believe it. This is the first step in a new direction on that path.
#TrustYourGut (Sorry it is a week and a day late)
In this week’s Trust Your Gut; Push It Real Good, I am pushing myself. I am my own worst critic, and sometimes I am really hard on myself. When I fall off the wagon, it’s not usually a small thing. I don’t do anything the easy way, and I don’t tend to minimize things. When I get back on track, I tend to go all out. Until the next slip up.
I have been working harder to stay on the plan. The scale reflects it. FINALLY! I am happy to say that I am down 3 pounds. That is worth celebrating! A few changes do make a difference. I made it to Zumba twice, and I just finished about 30 minutes of shovelling heavy snow. There is another storm, and I am home first, so I get to shovel as much as I can before my husband comes home. I cleared the steps and walkway and made a path to the street. That took me 30 minutes. At that time, my thumbs usually start getting cold. I learned the last time that if I ignore them and keep going, it will be a painful experience as they warm up. I don’t know if it is caused more by poor circulation, or if it is a side effect of diabetes called diabetic neuropathy. I used to think it was just the one thumb, and although that one does seem to be affected more by the cold.
Diabetic neuropathy can be very painful. I have had nerve pain, and my new doctor is wondering if I am experiencing it because of diabetes. I can’t say for sure. I hurt my thumb that is really sensitive to cold temperatures, years ago, and I always thought that it was a side effect of hitting my thumb. Now I am not so sure, as they were both bothering me tonight.
I also have pain in my right thigh. Not all the time, but it can bring me to tears when it is bad. I have discovered that it is coming from my hip flexor muscles. I have had physiotherapy and acupuncture to try and release whatever is causing it. It is a pinched nerve, so I try and stretch the muscles when I can. I would not wish nerve pain on my worst enemy. Just another reason to keep pushing myself. When I lose weight, the thigh problem may go away. That would be wonderful.
I am a little down this week, as my blog has not been getting as many views as it used to. I don’t know what to think. I do know I am going to keep writing, and hopefully, it will turn around. If you are reading this, thank you. I need all the support I can get on my journies, and I hope in some way I can help people with my writing. The only way to know is to keep on blogging.
Trust Your Gut this week is going to be positive. I got on the scale again, and I am down from my trip in the wrong direction. I was down a pound less than since the last time I checked and was going the right way again. It went a little wrong there, for a bit. I am finally starting to get things going in the right direction, again.
I think it does have to do with me packing more lunches and eating at home more. Not that I always eat the healthiest things, but there is more control when you are making things for yourself.
I am probably starting to adapt to my new schedule. Well, that goes out the window on Sunday. The good news is that I am going to be back to my regular schedule. For now. That can change, and it is one of the things that I will have to adapt to if it does, but I really hope that it works out well for me.
I am figuring things out creatively and using my brain to get results. I have more self-confidence because I am finally starting to believe that I can make the changes I need to change what is happening in my life. I will not change everything all at once, but I notice that I am making a larger effort to do the things that matter again.
Maybe the Shrinker is helping. Ooh, cayenne. Sometimes there is a little too much, and it is hard to make myself drink it. But I force it down if it is too spicy, because it still mostly tastes good, and I do think it is helping. I was also happy to find a new type of chocolate chai tea to add to it when I run out of the tea bags I had in the back of the cupboard. I am starting to use the recipes and knowledge I had learned when I started THM, and I am confident that if I don’t go too far away from it, I will start losing more weight.
Speaking of losing weight, I am kind of upset about one thing. The first place I see it is on my chin when I am retaining fluid, but you will never guess where I seem to lose it first. My fingers, of all places. My ring slid on a little easier today. Now if you remember, being able to wear the engagement ring and my wedding band comfortably on my ring finger is a Non-Scale Victory that I am working towards, and I felt a little bit closer to that goal this morning. Small blessings are not to be taken for granted, even if they seem annoying when you look at the big picture.
Treasure Seeker Tuesday will cover a few different points this week, readers. I hope they make you think about things that you are struggling with in your own lives.
Today I do not feel very well. I either ate something that did not agree with me, or I picked up a virus at the hospital yesterday. I had to go for the ophthalmologist appointment. As a person with type 2 diabetes, side effects can be devastating, if you don’t keep on top of the disease. They dilated my pupils, and then they froze the eyes. That last part was so that the ophthalmologist can put a lens directly into my eyes so that she can quickly determine whether or not the next step is necessary. So far, I have been lucky. I do not need the common treatment called Photocoagulation which is a form of laser treatment, at this time. I am working hard on keeping my sugars in control, and that is keeping the lasers away. For now. You can learn more about this treatment here.
I am a creative, which means that I do rely on my eyesight. I am going to be getting progressive lenses as soon as we save up enough to afford them. I really notice a difference lately, and the general eye test at the appointment yesterday confirmed that I need to make this a priority. If I lost my eyesight, it would be devastating to me. I don’t know how I would continue my jewellery business, without it. I don’t know how I would be able to work outside of the home, but I do know that I would want a seeing eye dog. I am sure that I could find a way to continue writing verbally, with a voice recognition software program. But it would be a hard thing to learn how to deal with. I hope I never have to look going blind right in the eye.
I have also found that I am struggling with my winter blues this year. I was watching a video last night in one of the groups I am in, for writers. It is a supportive group, and there are a lot of great people there. I enjoyed the video and commented. It was about courage as a writer. People don’t realize it, but a lot of authors are terrified of sharing their work with the general population. There is a fear of rejection, negative criticism, and failure that brews together and holds some people back. This video was addressing this topic, and Debbie Burns is one of those brave people that put things out there, and the emotions do show that she cares deeply about helping other authors get their stories out. I write quite freely here, on the Blog, but there are times I have hesitated before pushing that publish button. On Politics and World Peace #This was an example of this. I didn’t know where to put that open letter to the leaders of the world after I wrote it. I hesitated. I asked for advice and was told that the Blog was the right place for it. So I pressed publish, and off it went!
Another example of this was my first ever Trust Your Gut story. I took the leap. I shared my own weight and medical description of being morbidly obese for the first time. I had a difficult time going public about being a type 2 diabetic, and I thought long and hard about sharing that information here. One person in my life has never been told, and unless someone tells her, she will remain in the dark about it. That is my wish. She is my grandmother, and has since stopped using her computer, and has trouble remembering things now. I didn’t want her to feel bad about giving me desserts as a child. I don’t want her to worry about me. I am doing just fine, and managing it the best way that I know how.
In terms of what I got out of watching the courage video yesterday, the word I chose to create changes in my world with was to simply just start. No further explanation was given at that time. I know that I have a lot to do, and I know that I need to start working on the things that I need to do; so that I am going to be able to feel like I can spend the time doing what I want to do. It is a vicious cycle that I fall into every winter, and I need to start something to make changes and feel like I am making progress. I decided that I need to make the “List of all Lists” and write down all of the things that I need to get done. As long as I am working on those things, I can give myself permission to be creative. This way I am not limiting my needs to be creative, and it also helps me to work on one or several other tasks that need to be done. I will write that list when I am feeling better.
If you are an author and want to learn more about Debbie Burns and her facebook group, you can sign up for it here. I like being a member, and maybe I will see you on the inside.