Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 31

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 31

 

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Homepage for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 31

Another week has come and gone.  Thursday was yesterday.  I am a little sorry that I am writing late this week, but my heart wasn’t in it yesterday, and I want to keep it real and honest with you all. I have suffered a loss nine days ago that has affected me more than I expected in some ways, and just as much as I thought it would in others.  This loss was neither on a scale nor of inches.

There are two certainties in life.  You are born, and you die.  A dear friend of mine lost her battle with cancer nine days ago.  I plan to speak at her Celebration of Life Ceremony tomorrow.  While I was writing what I wanted to say and organizing my thoughts for that, I realized that it was more important for me to focus my attention on it when I decided to do it.  I got a friend to give it a read through in an editorial sense, but because I drafted and edited it myself, she thought that it was a great piece of writing.  So I am sorry if I let anyone down that is following my journey in this category, but all is not lost.  I am here today, and I feel like writing.  If the family is OK with me sharing my story after I read it tomorrow, you can expect to read a different kind of Weekend Warrior story later on this weekend.

So what brought me around, other than the guilt of missing my self-imposed deadline for the weekly story?  I was watching another video along the lines of Branding, and learning more about how to be effective at it.  Wait, what?  How does this relate to a struggle with weight issues?

The guest speaker was talking about taking what makes you mad, and writing about it.  Not an infuriating anger filled frustrated rant, but to use common sense thought processes and provide a solution.  This is the basis of what I want to do here.  I am mad that I am the way I am, physically, and health-wise.  I write about what I need to do, and I learn new recipes and ways to improve my health and change what I am using for fuel in my body to have a positive outcome.  I can write about it, I can think about it, I can talk about it, but the bottom line is, only I can care enough about myself to actually DO something about it.

I seem to be at opposing sides with my food choices.  I will eat a really healthy meal, and then go WAY off track and have junk food or fast food.  Willpower is certainly lacking in my life these days.  I am struggling with some old monsters.  They are ganging up on my inner light and causing me strife.

The feeling that I am never going to be good enough is a main contributing factor in why I weigh over 300 lbs.  I get it from many sources in my life.  My childhood was not bad, not at all, but sometimes the messages were not presented in a way to make me flourish.  I don’t believe people when they compliment me right away.  I need to hear things that are positive about a million times before I believe them, and then I get upset.  I just don’t know how to accept compliments.  I am working on this and getting better about thanking people when they say nice things.  For me, this is a real struggle.

Work is another area where this arises.  Workplace Bullying is wrong, no matter how subtle it is, or who the bully is.  I am not singling out my current employers, let’s be clear about that.  But when I see or experience it, it makes me feel like I am not good enough.  I struggle with that internally, and it is not always somebody else’s fault.  Sometimes I can be too sensitive.  I am learning to stand up for myself, and this is not easy for me to do, either.  As I learn, I have to make mistakes.  Picking battles is a trickier thing than you think it is.  If I was to cry out about every little thing that happened in my life, people would stop listening, stop reading, and stop caring.  Then I would be alone and back to doubting myself.

Sometimes the monsters are on the outside.   That is something that makes me angry.  People that abuse power are the worst kind of bullies, and I come from a long history of being a victim.  I struggle every day to be a good person.  It tears me up inside when that is perceived to be not good enough.  At this point, I can react in two different ways.  I can hide, and cry until I have no more tears.  Or I can speak out.  I am doing more talking, and it does not always go as well as I plan it in my head.  Some things are not OK, and some things need to be confronted.  When things backfire, I do hide for a bit, until I deal with my feelings of being hurt.  Sometimes I can be overzealous in my attempts to stand up for myself.  In these cases, I do get upset, but these days I stand to face the music, instead of turning tail and running.

Still not sure how I am planning to tie this all together?  Well, the ugly monsters inside are the worst ones of all.  The inner bully that kicks you when you are down and sucker punches you when you weren’t looking is pure evil.  We all have the negative self-talk, the hard feelings about one thing or another that we let win.  I have been doing a little too much of that this month.  I am letting the monster win, and that is not going to end well.  I have two choices.  I can do nothing, or I can do something about it.  I think it is time to take action and kick some monster butts.  I feel the inner glow getting a little brighter as I wrote that.  I needed to get it out.  So I am going to take my common sense and use it to change what makes me angry.  For this category, that means I am going to start making better choices and be the change I want to see in myself.  One thing at a time, one choice at a time, one story at a time.

Trust Your Gut.

 

 

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 31

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 29

 

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 29

I have not done what I set out to do in September.  I have not followed the plan, I have not kept detailed records, and I have not put any effort into what I needed to do this week at all.

The Monster is winning this week.  It is crushing the soul of my inner beauty. What am I going to do about it?

I have to refocus.  I have to make the efforts I need to make to have results.  I am not perfect, and although I was going to try my best, I fell short.  Like not even falling off the wagon, because I never climbed on it in the first place.

What am I NOT going to do about it?  Make excuses.

I am better than that.  I am better than the monster inside that convinced me it was a great idea to eat chips and Fudgsicles this week.  I am better than the monster that is telling me it is OK to eat whatever I want to because I am really hungry and don’t have time to wait for a healthier option to be ready to eat.  I am worth the effort of drowning out the monster with my inner beauty.  I need to let it shine, and help me find the way to becoming a healthier version of myself.

I need to have a plan, not just the THM plan, although that is a part of what I need to do, it needs to be a complete plan that encompasses everything I am working on and makes me want to work at this.  On me.  It is bigger than me just writing about it.  I need to DO it.  So this weekend, I am going to set aside a few hours to get this set up.

Part of the reason is that I am very skilled at making excuses.  I need to stop it.  Right now.  I am on such a roll with my writing that I do not want to stop.  I want to keep moving forward in all aspects of my life and live it to the fullest.  I will also avoid things and just do what I want to do instead of what I need to do if it is easier.  This is not a good way to do what I want to do, which is to lead by example.  I am not feeling the leader vibe this week.  I need to change things and make this happen.

Now. OK, on the weekend, as I am a tad bit busy with the writing and the entrepreneurial dreams and projects I am working on to change my whole life for the better.  The problem with letting the monster win is that I am leaving out a very important aspect of this dream, and that is me.  I need to rank myself higher on the list of things to be taken care of, so the inner beauty has the chance to glow and outshine the monster forever.

I am making a commitment here to have this ready to go for Monday.  I am going to hold myself accountable for taking the steps to make things happen.  Only I can make the necessary plans and changes to have this work.  It is time to take action and stop listening to the monster that keeps me from being the healthiest version of myself.  It is time to open the cage that traps my inner beauty so far inside me that I cannot find it anymore.  I need to let it out and nurture it until it is as bright as the sun.  I need to keep telling myself that I am worth it until I believe it.  Louder than the monster.  Brighter than the stars in the sky.  Over and over again, until I really get it.  And then you will see that I am doing this in front of all who witness it, and I will be accomplishing the dream of leading by example, by working hard to achieve my personal and professional goals.  Other things are starting to fall into place.  This is just the next thing I am on the verge of succeeding at.  Time to shine.

If you are following this series, and like what you read, thank you.  If you have your own story to share, please contact me.  I have accepted other people’s stories in this category and would love to have more stories than my own to share here.  I don’t want to bore everyone with my stories EVERY week, so if this is something YOU want to do, reach out to me.  There is a contact page for that very reason.  I am also willing to work with people to write a story based on an informal interview or having some discussions about their issues, to help other people deal with their own issues, and helping people understand what it is really like to have issues on EITHER END of the scale.  I would be happy to share your experiences, issues, successes, and tips here in the future.  Stop thinking about it.  Stop making excuses.  Let’s work together to change ourselves and the lives we live.  Our inner beauties deserve to be free and thriving.  We are worth every bit of the effort.  Let’s drop-kick those monsters to the curb. Together.  If I can do this, so can you.

#TrustYourGut.

 

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 31

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 18

 

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 18

Tomorrow.  Monday. The first day of the month.  We have all been there, and we have all promised ourselves that we will do better, but not now.  It is hard when you are addicted to food and addicted to sugar.  It is impossibly hard when you are too lazy to find the way to a healthier lifestyle.  I have written it before, and I will likely write these words again, it is easy to be lazy.

I am told quite frequently that I am too hard on myself.  I have come to accept that quality as something I am.  The truth is, I don’t know how to be any other way.  In my dabblings along the curvy path I am walking beside, around and sometimes hanging upside down from a tree on,  sometimes I cut myself way too much slack.  There is no middle ground when it comes to me and some things.  Some things being food.

I am finding it really hard to stick to staying on plan.  I know, it works.  I know I feel better when I do follow the plan.  I know it is the best thing for me to do.  Yet here I am again, thinking that tomorrow is a new day, for a fresh start.

What is a person supposed to do when this happens?  It is like I am on the side of a mountain in the middle of a mudslide, and in MY world, it is hailing Swedish berries, and all the mud is chocolate mixed with hot fudge, of course.  It is a struggle for most people to eat healthy most of the time.  I find if I give myself a little slack, I tend to give a little more, and a little more, until there is no more slack left, and I am way off track and possibly lost.

I am watching my body change, sometimes for the better, and sometimes for the worst.  I keep a close eye on my gut, and it does fluctuate, frequently.  I have also noticed that when I do put in the effort to work on me, I am starting to see the shape of the oblique muscles cause dents in my stomach.  I see them, so they are in there, somewhere.  Underneath the curves and fluff.

My chin causes me great concern.  I know what makes it look like that, and I know what fixes it.  You might think that is a little weird or eccentric, but it is true.  If I make GGMS, it gets smaller.  If I hit up chocolate a lot, it collects in my chin.  I kid you not.  I am wearing the chocolates I bought last Christmas in there right now.  I am positive that is what did it.

I did some sweeping and mopping this past week. We were expecting company.  I had a tight, sore back for two days after that.  I didn’t like it, but I didn’t pull anything, and I was able to do most things without any change.  Bending over was horrendous.  The good news is that I feel better now.  The bad news is that I am not convinced that cleaning my floors is good for my health.  They don’t clean themselves, though.

I need to work more at being on plan.  I know this.  It is hard to convince the monster that it doesn’t belong here anymore.  It wants me to dive into the mudslide of chocolate and never come up for air.  Or find a really big straw.

I just spent 2 hours taking the meat from the chicken I cooked.  It was a really big chicken.  I will be making that chicken chili tomorrow.  Or tonight, if I find a second wind.  Either way, the prep work is done, now I just assemble in the pot, and cook it.  That is the thing, though.  It is easy to say I am going to do something, but the prep time is never less than 10 minutes for me.  So that is why I go the easy way sometimes.  Because I take the time to do everything right, and sometimes it takes too long in real life to do what I want to do.  This is another trap down a slippery slope of marshmallow strawberries.  Can you tell I am having a hard time with sugar cravings this week?  I have my favourites, and sometimes I have to give in a little before it becomes a big mistake.

Goals for the upcoming week?  Find out if Ginger Juice by The Ginger People is available locally, or if I have to order it online.  I am using frozen ginger cubes in my GGMS now, but I would like to add the juice if I can find it.  I am wondering if I will like it better than the frozen cubes.  I found the powder too gritty, and want to make the GGMS the best I can.  I already know I LOVE it with Black Cherry Berry Tea by Celestial Seasonings.  So good!  I make the basic recipe and add the tea bags to steep, and drink over ice.  Not early in the day, I would run all day long.  I also need to make the Shrinker.  Another tea drink, made with oolong tea.  The recipes can be found here and I have tried most of the recipes on this page.  Good Girl Moonshine and The Shrinker are the two I am referring to in this story.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I am going to make healthy food to eat.  One day at a time.  Listen to the voice of your inner beauty, and let it help you shine!

#TrustYourGut

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 31

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 15

 

Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues.  It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on.  Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real.  The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale.  If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog.  I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.

 

The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name.  If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story.  The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors.  I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.

This week I am pleased to share another of my own stories.

Here is  Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 15

Up to now, I have been sharing my story and the stories of others with their issues regarding weight.  That means if you are reading this week’s story, and have been since I started writing, you know that I am struggling.  Sometimes week to week other times day to day, but it could literally be bite to bite.  I wake up thinking about food.  I go to bed thinking about how tired I am or am not, and this is usually related to what I ate that day.  When I dream about food, it wakes me up to go test my blood sugar.  If it is OK, then it was just a dream.  Sometimes it is my body telling me that I need to get a glass of juice.

Today was no different than any other Wednesday.  I got up, went to work, went to Zumba, and then I came home.  Where I knew I had meat in the fridge, both cooked and ready to be cooked, but I could not bring myself to start making a healthy meal.  I wanted the easy way out.  I sent an SOS to my husband for fast food.  I was tired when I got home today.  Bone tired.  I decided that I would nap until he arrived home.

Sometimes it is the only way to accomplish everything that you need to do, taking the easy way.  But taking the easy way is not the healthy way to live.  I am living proof of that.  The easy way is not the path less travelled.  The easy way is the way to childhood obesity and the epidemic that I happen to be a statistic of, the Type 2 Diabetes crisis that is blowing up all over the world right now.  If you continually choose the easy meal, the easy snacks, the sugar, the preservatives, the chemicals and the toxins you will not live a healthy life.  It isn’t possible.  It’s called junk food for a reason.

What is the alternative? Hard work.  If you put in the time and effort into yourself, it will pay off.  It doesn’t matter if you stray from the path when life happens.  What matters is that you value yourself enough to go back to the path you have chosen to follow because you strive towards living a healthier lifestyle.  There are always going to be days when you are too tired to cook.  I have had days where I am so tired and hungry that I can’t even decide which restaurant I want to go to.  The main thing is that I don’t give up forever.  I keep trying.  I keep pushing myself to do better.  And I keep celebrating every little success along the way.

I cannot stress the importance of planning ahead and prep cooking enough.  If I had made that casserole last night, I would have had supper planned, and this helps me to make healthy choices.  Sometimes I am too busy.  I planned my lunch today but found I was very cold at work, so I bought soup and BBQ chips to give my circulation a little kick in the pants with some mild spices.  Would I do that again tomorrow?  Not unless I felt the exact same way I did today.  I am usually bundled up in layers at work, but there are limits to what I am able to wear and what they will allow me to wear to stay warm at my desk.  Today I was maxed out on layers, and still cold.  I did what I needed to do to adapt to the day.  It worked.  Tomorrow may be a different story, yesterday I found it a little cold, but tolerable.  Today I could not get warmed up.  This is a side effect of having thyroid disease, sometimes I am cold when I should be warm.

When I am out of ideas for lunch, I plan scrambled eggs and cheese.  I can cook it in the microwave, and I can eat vegetables with it.  I almost made that for lunch today, but I changed my mind and made good old PB&J on sprouted bread.  I am not the biggest fan of this sandwich, so I am using regular peanut butter.  I bought the kind that has no sugar,  which must be stored in the fridge.  It was left too long and dried out.  So for the few times that I make it, I am using regular peanut butter.  When I decide to make something that has a need for peanut butter that is on the plan, I will buy more that is made with just peanuts and salt.  I use sugar-free jam.  The sprouted bread is on the plan.  2 out of 3 ain’t bad, to quote a song by Meatloaf.  I ate my sandwich after Zumba class, to hold me over until the fast food was here to eat.

If you are struggling like me, then neither of us is alone.  It can be a solitary journey if you are hiding behind closed doors or sneaking around to feed the monster inside.  I am calling it what it is.  A monster that is obsessed with food, and thrives off of sugar.  It does not mean that I am a monster.  It does mean that I have to fight it. The harder I fight, the smaller it will be.  It will reflect on the outside what is happening on the inside.  And that is where the beauty hides.  The beauty that is inside all of us needs to be nurtured and loved.  It will flourish and bloom if we give it the attention that it deserves.  When this happens, you start to glow from the inside out, and the monster shrinks inside.  Just as the monster scares your inner beauty, the glow from that inner beauty outshines the monster if we let it.  As someone who loves to sparkle and shine, I am going to focus on that for the next week, and see where it takes me.

Trust Your Gut is the weekly series that I have decided to publish on Thursdays.  I think it is time to  give it a hashtag of its own.  Help me to get the word out to other people that may need to read these stories and know that they are not alone.  Help me to reach out to other people that want to help by sharing their own stories.  All it takes is an idea to create something big that matters and can help people.  I am starting that now.
Together we can help people, just like you and me.

#TrustYourGutThursday and #TYGT

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