Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues. It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on. Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real. The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people who have weight issues, on either end of the scale. If you would like to contribute to this series, please contact Tish. I know there are people out there that want to help people like them; as I do.
The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name. If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story. The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors. I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.
This week I am pleased to share the story of a friend. It is written in her own words, and she submitted it with her permission to share it as a part of the series.
Here is Trust Your Gut: Jane’s Story; Charting My Weight | Gaining Perspective
I have spent over 40 years in a love-hate relationship with my weight. As a result, I have many, many records of my weight at various times—weights were taken at the Doctor’s office, at various weight loss programs, and at home. An excellent record for purposes of analysis—after so many ups and downs over the years, I can look at my weight with some perspective.
I began my first weight loss efforts in Grade 9 (!) at the urging of a Physical Education Teacher. I weighed 118 pounds. She gave me the Mayo Clinic Diet of the day and my poor mother must have been frantic supplying me with hard-boiled eggs and grapefruit which is all I can remember eating.
The next weight loss effort was in Grade 11 with TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly). My only memory from TOPS are fragmented bits of the motto: “I am an Intelligent person … every time I am tempted to overeat in private … my excess poundage is there for all the world to see … what a fool I’ve been.” In 1972, I left Grade 12 at 168 pounds.
Art by Jane Tims “Disgusted Face”
Armed with these rather dubious wisdoms, I spent the next eight years in an upward pattern that would govern the rest of my young adult years. I joined Weight Watchers which did teach me something about eating behaviors, returned to TOPS a time or two, attended sessions with a dietician, and designed my own wellness systems many, many times.
Now, years later, I realise that my weight really started to climb when I had my own money, was preparing my own food, and was under work stresses I never encountered in school or university.
When I was married, I weighed 180 pounds.
I was fit and active. My work in those days meant hiking and climbing regularly to wilderness places throughout the province. I was fit and active, but I was fat. I could not shake the belief that I didn’t look as good as I should. And looking good was all-important.
That, I realise now, was beside the point. The challenge was to stay fit and active—to avoid high blood pressure and all its risks, stress on my knees and back, and diabetes. My goal should have been to live a long and able life.
When I was 30, I had a baby, the best thing I ever did for so many reasons! But I had a difficult pregnancy and spent most of it inactive and on my back and I gained weight. I topped the scales at 280 pounds and spent the next thirty years trying to get rid of the weight.
Art by Jane Tims “Frowning Face”
My Doctor tried to help me. My Mom tried harder than anyone, including me.
She copied out diets that might interest me. She sent me twenty dollars a month (I made a decent salary of my own) to buy healthy snack foods. She suggested things she thought might help me lose weight. I realise now, as a Mom, she wanted good health for me and, like me, had no magic wand to help her daughter be healthier. By the time I was forty, I had high blood pressure, and lots of medications to control it. By the time I was fifty, I had Type 2 Diabetes, and lots of meds to control it. And I had a trusty cane, the first hint of the osteoarthritis that now plagues me every day and keeps me from being fit and active.
Art by Jane Tims “Unimpressed Face”
When I retired from work in 2012 at 58, I lost a lot of the stress that ruled my life and I think I finally got a clue. I started a program of exercise, stationary cycling accompanied by seeing the world virtually (with Street View). Over the next years, I cycled through central France, southern Ireland, the Cornwall coast of England, and northern New Brunswick. This month I am ‘touring Scotland and the home of my ancestors. I got control of my diabetes with insulin and a wonderful medication called Forxiga which also results in some weight loss. And this past summer, I had a bout with salivary gland cancer.
During the process of surgery and radiation, I lost my sense of taste for a few weeks. At the end of that time, I find am no longer interested in food as a way of approaching life. I am more interested in building back the muscle mass I lost while lounging around the hospital between radiation treatments last summer.
I am now at 214 pounds, and still on the way down. The last time I weighed 214 was when I was 28 years old. I am not really aiming for any particular weight, but I’d really like to fit into my wedding dress again.
So, what is the ‘magic wand?’ Oh, how I wish I knew.
I know that human beings have one major fault: ‘the bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.’ So that slice of blueberry pie will always look more delightful than the bottles and bottles of blue blood pressure pills you might never have to take (since I started taking them in 1994, I have taken 19,656 pills of Inderol to control my blood pressure). That bowl of ice cream will always taste better than days and days of blood glucose readings under 7.0. And that chocolate bar will always smell more delicious than leaving the cane or walker in the closet where it belongs.
You can have good things to eat but only once in a while and in smaller portions. And you can spend as much time as possible walking and swimming and cycling. Save yourself a huge amount of misery down the road.
Art by Jane Tims “Smiling Face”
If you’d like to follow my progress on getting fit and active, have a look at my blog.
Thank you Jane for your honesty and for sharing your story here. I know it can be hard to put it all out there, but it is time that people like us speak out to try to help others. It is interesting to see your chart, and I love the artwork you submitted. Keep celebrating every little success, and be proud that your decision is certainly the right one for you. I am very impressed with your success and determination. Keep going, my friend, you are an inspiration!
This is Trust Your Gut | What Did My Brain Just Tell Me? Trust Your Gut is a series of blog posts that began on February 2, 2017. In this first blog, I introduce the concept of the category and begin to share my own story. In this blog, specifically, I write about something very dangerous. Denial.
Trust Your Gut is a series of stories about real people with weight issues, and complications arising from those issues. It will explain what the person is facing, what their options are, what they have decided to do to take action, and why they chose the path they are on. Each person’s story will be based on truth, so it won’t all be happy, but it will be real. The goal of this series is to get people talking about options that are available for people that have weight issues, on either end of the scale. If you would like to contribute to this series, there is a contact form linked on my Home page for this blog. I know there are people out there that want to help people like them, as I do.
The names here may or may not reflect the person’s real name. If someone wants to remain unknown, we will choose a different name for that person’s story. The goal is to help people, and anonymity is a valid personal choice for contributors. I will use a person’s name only if they give permission to do so.
Here is Trust Your Gut:Tish’s Story; Part 83.
In just about every online space you go, these days, at least in the platforms I use on a regular basis, people are talking a lot about mindset. The power of the mind is a miraculous thing when it is being used for a greater purpose. It can also lead people down the wrong path. I am not writing about the criminal mind, nor the mind of people who have mental health issues in this case, though. I am writing about how it can make you believe something that just isn’t true. In this case, I am writing about denial.
I love to read, especially fantasy and science fiction.
This love for reading has allowed me to expand my own creative horizons and write two books, with many other projects, and more to come, God willing. I love my imagination, and the way I can create worlds in my writing, with the hopes of fascinating readers with what I publish. When you read for pleasure, you also read to capture a bit of escapism from the real world.
I have been reading some books by Jim Butcher, who is the author of The Dresden Files. The main character, Harry, is a wizard for hire in these books, and I quite enjoy reading all of the trouble he gets into and manages to wiggle his way out of. It is a similar type of character that I have created more than once when I have been playing Dungeons and Dragons. Some of those characters have had fantastic adventures, the kind legends are born from. By doing the same thing as this wizard, in their own way.
Not too long ago, I was reading one of these books, called White Night. In this book, a character description made me pause and shake my head at what I heard myself thinking. The character was a mafia bodyguard, male, and he was described as massive, at over three hundred pounds. I thought to myself, “That’s not that big. I weigh over three hundred pounds.” It was at this moment I had to stop myself from reading, to process what I was thinking in response to that character description.
I then thought to myself, “Wait a minute. What did my brain just tell me?”
It was at this time I reread the paragraph and took a moment to process the amount of denial my brain has been feeding to me for the majority of my life. Three hundred pounds IS big. The distribution of the weight also plays a huge factor in this realization.
A person who is significantly taller than my five foot two and three-quarters of an inch in height would have the benefit of a larger area to distribute this much weight. Plus, it is a character described as a bodyguard, which would also have a different muscle to fat composition than I do. This character would be healthier, and not morbidly obese. Yet the weight of three hundred pounds is described as massive. I needed to proceed carefully as I processed this information.
I am still very mobile, even though lately I have had a hard time catching my breath. I can get up and down, walk and dance. I can sprint if there is a short distance to be covered and time to recover on the other side of that sprint. But I know that the distribution of my weight is all on the front side of my body, and it is more fat than muscle. And I got on the scale last week. I now weigh more than I did when I took that picture. It was really disappointing, but it is one reason why I am trying to do better.
I’m not going to make the mistake of thinking I am massive.
A part of last week’s story comes from the fact that people tell me I don’t look as big as I am, and that I carry the weight well. I am tired of not looking the way I feel. I do not see myself as massive, nor do I see myself as morbidly obese. When I look in the mirror, I just see myself. When I step on the scale, I see a number. Higher or lower than the last time, but nonetheless a number. This past week, it was 336.4 lbs. I am not in a hurry to get back on a scale after seeing this number, but when I do, I will share it for accountability. It is time to start dancing more every day.
On a positive note, I sang with the radio in the bathroom today to, “I want to dance with somebody” by Whitney Houston. I was done in the shower, and stayed in there to sing my heart out, and dance a little bit. When the song was over, I peeked around the corner at Roy and sang, “Don’t you want to dance, say you want to dance, don’t you want to dance?” His reply was, “Oh, I heard you singing.” He is not a fan of my singing, not at all. I said, “GOOD!” as I bopped down the hallway. We both laughed. I am doing better because I am trying harder. For now, that is what I am focusing on. Just doing as much as I can to be better.
When was the last time you had a reality check? #TrustYourGut
Distractions are all around us. No matter where you look, they are out there. Waiting for you. When I was talking to a friend earlier today about an unrelated topic, she pointed out the obvious. I need to focus, and to help me to do this, I need to be keeping my eyes on the prize.
In the business world, I am seen as a bit confusing, as I have been told I am too diversified. When we talked about this, I explained that I thought it was what I was supposed to be doing, because the moment I declared that my jewellery business, Tish MacWebber Always Blinging would now be officially a hobby for me, someone wanted to buy Book Bling. I took it as a sign, telling me that I was right all along. I thought it meant to keep pushing forward, full speed ahead in all areas.
My friend wisely pointed out I misinterpreted the sign. It wasn’t telling me to keep doing all of the things, but rather, testing my declaration.
WHOA!
Hang on there.
Maybe I was wrong.
In that moment, I realized she was right. The sign wasn’t a sign at all. It was a distraction.
How many times have you misinterpreted a sign?
I can assure you, it is very easy to do. One minute you are feeling great about the choices you have made for the food you have eaten so far that day and the next minute you are looking at the tub of ice cream in your freezer. You didn’t open the freezer to get ice cream, but now that it is staring you in the face, it is the only reason you should have opened the freezer.
Or is it?
What you really opened the freezer for was to get the bag of frozen broccoli out to thaw because you want to make a casserole, and one of the ingredients is broccoli.
But the ice cream is just there. Screaming at you. Insisting that it needs you to eat it right now, so that you can get the instant gratification it always gives you. You imagine yourself eating all of the ice cream, and how happy you will be.
Until you realize that you ate it all and feel awful because you were doing so well and the ice cream DISTRACTED you from your goal. Oh, it is sneaky and mean and it wants you to eat it all every time you open the freezer.
So do you lock the freezer and never open it again?
You could. It is not the practical choice, and truthfully it is not very realistic.
Should you declare to never ever buy ice cream again?
Maybe. But we all know the second you do, your favourite flavour is going to be on an incredible sale the very next time you walk into the grocery store.
What is the right answer?
Focus.
When I open the freezer, I need to focus on the broccoli. The ice cream is only going to be a temporary distraction. Ice cream has its time and place, as a treat, not as an everyday splash into guilty pleasures. As much as I love a bowl of ice cream, I need to remember that I am on a new path where I am being kind to myself.
I need to love myself more than I love ice cream
That right there is a bold statement. The love I have for ice cream is right up there with lobster and pizza. It includes chocolate. To be perfectly honest, there aren’t many foods which I don’t love. The struggle is most certainly real, and when you put broccoli up against ice cream, the broccoli doesn’t stand a chance if I am not committed to my goals.
Broccoli has one thing going for it in this equation. Me. If I choose to get the broccoli and continue making the casserole, I will be preparing a meal which can be the reason I open the freezer for. Healthy food is how I show myself kindness. I need to focus on the short term goals to be able to claim the prize I am aiming for.
I know I will falter from time to time. Being human means I am not perfect, and I will make mistakes. I will be tested and distracted. The point is to not stay there. If you picked up the tub of ice cream because it was on sale, it is going to be there until you eat it. Unless you need to eat your feelings, which is never the positive choice to make but might happen if you get dumped or fired, it is not going to go bad before you eat it. It can stay right where it is because it will be there when you do decide that you want a bowl of ice cream as a treat.
Indulgences are a privilege of being an adult
You are your own boss of your life. So get the broccoli out of the freezer, close the door and act like it. Set your goals, keep your eyes on the prize and focus.
As I am writing, I am also recognizing that I have steadily lost a pound or two in the last few weeks. I weighed in at 313.6 pounds yesterday. I am getting closer to taking the new picture for this blog, the one where I show myself and the world I can and will reach my goals, one pound at a time.
#Tishspiration is the word I finally created to describe what has been going on in my life for the last two years or maybe even longer. I have been aware of it for the last two years, this I am sure of. I have been telling my husband for years that I am full of surprises. It went from being a saying to becoming what my superpower is. The best part of all of this is that I am using my powers for good. I am constantly surprising people around me with what I am doing. The best part is when I surprise myself. That is the true meaning of Tishspration, the part I want to share with the world. It can happen to you. I am going to try to explain it, and then give advice for what YOU should do when Tishspiration happens to you!
I have been on a journey for the last 2 years. It started when I watched that inspirational video, where I took away the message that I need to live while I am alive so that when I die and I think back on the life I lived, not filled with regrets and what ifs. I want to live life to the best of my ability. That includes trying things and doing my best. It means not dwelling on what might or might not happen, because I have done something to make a change. I am pushing my limits. I am trying new things. I am chasing my passions. I am surprising myself.
#Tishspiration.
Where do you start? Well, asking me is one way to find out more. Waiting for my book about Tishspiration is another option. It will be a few months from now before it is ready. What do you do in the meantime?
Think about what you want to do with your life. What is something that you are really good at, something that you get so involved with that before you know it, several hours have gone by. It should be something that comes really easy for you, even if you don’t think it is your passion. If it isn’t it might be a clue to where you are supposed to be going on your journey.
People are starting to pay attention to what I am up to. Some of them are curious. Some of them want to say they knew me before I started my journey, to be a cheering squad from the sidelines. There is nothing wrong with either of those reactions.
There is a small group of people that are watching me, and thinking about their own lives. They have seen me change and start to grow into the person I am now, and they wonder what if it happened to them? To me, the answer is simple. I would simply ask them, why not? Why not take one step in the direction you want to go in? Why not prepare yourself for what could be, instead of hating the way things are and doing nothing?
What is stopping you?
Fear.
Fear of failure.
Fear of not being accepted for being the unique and wonderful being that you are, from the inside out, the one you have buried inside for safe keeping.
Want to know a secret?
I am scared of failure too. When I try something and it falls flat, I let myself lay there for a while. In the melodrama of despair.
I cannot do that for very long, anymore. I have a drive in me, fueled by passion, bursting at the seams with stories to tell.
I am a Lyricist, with songs I cannot sing.
I am a Blogger, because I need to write.
I am an author, with some small published works, who is writing her first novel, and planning 5 more.
I need to let my stories out. If I keep them inside, they hurt me because I am selfishly not sharing the gift I was born with. By writing my books, I will be accomplishing my lifelong dream of becoming a published author. Surprising myself and others with how good I am at this writing thing. Most importantly, I will be sharing this gift with the world.
Because deep down inside, all of us know what our purpose is. We just have to be listening to our hearts whispering the answers to us. Then we need to make a plan and act upon it. One step at a time, on this journey of life. If you smother a spark, it will extinguish in time. Don’t smother your passion. Let it trickle out until you feel like opening the dam and letting it flow free.
Friends, I am standing in front of a lever, preparing to open the floodgates. The next step for me is getting my book published. I hope that you are 1% as excited as I am about it. I can assure you, I am the other 99% on the excitement scale, and then some! I cannot wait to be able to share this book with the world. I sincerely hope that you all will agree that it is worth the wait.
So what do you do if #Tishspiration strikes? Congratulate yourself on a job well done, then move on to the next goal. That is what I do, and I am an expert at #Tishspiration. It has gotten me this far…
In an effort to get back on track with my blogging, I have decided to change up the Tuesday category. I love Treasure Seeker Tuesdays, and I am hoping that I was not alone in that sentiment. The time has come to try something new. #TishspirationTuesday Week 1 What is Tishspiration Tuesday? I might not even know yet.
I am going places.
Yes, I am writing my first book. Yes, I just took on a new project at work. Yes, I am planning a limited jewellery collection to be launched with my first (and every) book. Yes, draft 2 is in progress, in preparation for editing. Yes, I am all over social media, and I even got Instagram before I got a cell phone so that I can contribute there. I can follow I just can’t share there. Yes, I do talk to my husband when I am awake, and maybe in my sleep too.
No, I have not managed to hire a maid to keep up with the housekeeping. No, I have not hired a chef to keep me on track with my meal plans. No, I do not sleep very much when I am in a high creativity & productivity cycle. No, I haven’t been to Zumba regularly this summer. I will be changing that as soon as possible.
I drink my coffee black (which I review alternately with wine reviews on my Facebook live videos) and I take really good multivitamins. I try to eat healthily, and although I still have pop for a treat, I have basically given it up as an everyday beverage. I am making changes.
I ended the Birthday Bling Club. It did not get the number of subscribers I had hoped for. I have replaced it with a closed secret group to help people like me stay motivated and accountable with weight issues. It is going well. Now if only I could get back on track with my own weight loss goals…
What on Earth am I doing now?
I’ll bet some of you are wondering. There are days when even I am wondering…
I am shaking things up. I am using the momentum created by the positivity I have surrounded myself with to try and give you all a glimpse into the possibilities into what your own potential is.
That was a mouthful, wasn’t it?
Tishspiration. The Art of Surprising Yourself. Once upon a time, these two concepts were not linked. Until I thought about it. Someone I spoke with encouraged me to somehow find a way to meld these two things together. Now, it is as if they were never separate concepts. I made the term. I defined it. And now, I am going to run with it!
Tishspiration has been hovering around in my mind since April 2018, but it has had a much longer history than when I put a name to it. I will be writing a book to describe it in more detail. That will be book 2. I have to get book 1 written, published, and shared from my heart with the world before I can shift gears and get to work on book 2. I can’t wait to explore what all of this means for me, and what it could mean for you.
As it grows and develops, there will be opportunities. Some will help me to fine tune this concept I have created into something that will change over time. I have been working on this in the background while doing all of the above. I have to keep going. You can witness all of it. I am hoping that when the time is right for you, you will take the leap with me. It all starts here. Now.
Are you with me?
tishspirationstation@gmail.com
Let’s start a conversation about this little thing I call #Tishspiration!
