Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 73 | Looking Myself In The Eyes

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 73 | Looking Myself In The Eyes

I need to clarify that my recent success is not as good as it appeared to be last week. I knew something was off on the scale, and I tried to believe it was true. It happened at least once before. My scale had a false reading. One I happened to take a picture of, coincidentally, but I have not lost as much weight as I thought I did. Which is both more realistic in terms of healthy weight loss, and beyond frustrating, simultaneously. The last time I checked I weighed in at 313.1 pounds. Still better than July, but not as good as it looked last Friday.

In the second week of working with Coach Elaine, I have not been as diligent. I did what I always do when I have success. I listened to the inner gremlin, which I previously wrote about in Part 56 of the Trust Your Gut category. It convinced me that I didn’t have to be so strict with what I was eating. Old habits creep in when I am doing well, which is why I have such a hard time finding success.

Self-Sabotaging Only Hurts Me

To understand why this happens, I fear I might have to go really deep inside. This inner reflection will take time, more time than I have if I want to publish on time this week. I have begun the process, and I have seen the results. They are positive. So why do I slip up every time I get something good going for myself? This is something I feel a lot of people like me struggle with.

It’s like when you need to take medication all of the time, and when you do, you feel better, so you stop taking the medication. First, it is never advisable to stop taking medicine without medical supervision. Second, for most situations, this does not allow you to continue to feel better because the medicine is the reason you were feeling better in the first place. The medicine as a general rule does not make anyone sick, it makes you better. I do understand this is a general rule and does not apply to every circumstance. Consequently, when you stop doing things that make you feel better, you relapse or feel worse than you did before you started.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. ALWAYS check with your doctor before making any changes regarding your health. I also realize that side effects can sometimes seem worse than the disease. I am not advising anyone to make any decisions about their own health without discussing all of the options with their doctor, or without being your own advocate for your own health without including medical professionals in that discussion.

When I take this concept, which usually refers to the treatment of mental health, or taking antibiotics for less than the prescribed number of days, and compare it to people like me who are morbidly obese, there are similarities. I slipped and got back into old habits last week. More fast food came in. It is like I am testing my body to find out how much it can take before I start putting on weight again, to fail at this healthy lifestyle.

When I slip up, the inner gremlin laughs delightedly.

Maybe that is why I hear ringing in my ears constantly. I am kidding; although I do have tinnitus, and it is another irritation I am contending with. Will I turn down my music when I bounce the house? Not a chance. I love music, and the louder it is, the more I love it. Maybe it is so I can’t actually hear myself singing along. Whatever the reason, I will always crank the tunes when I am listening to them. My hearing is not suffering that I can tell, so I will keep on the way I always have.

What I do mean is that when I slip up and make poor choices, misery loves company, as the saying goes. One poor choice is not so bad, and then I make another one. Before I know it, I have picked the easy way more than the healthy way, and the inner gremlin is cheering me on! When it is in charge, I don’t make the right choices. When I don’t make the right choices, I am not being kind to myself. Which I learned last week, is something I need to learn how to do better. When you don’t know why you make poor choices, it is harder to convince yourself to make better ones.

And when you do choose to be kind to yourself, and you are kind to yourself, the inner gremlin is threatened. It starts acting up and throwing temper tantrums like wild cravings into your mind, and the next thing you know, you give in and go to the nearest drive-thru. Because it is easier to feed the cravings and the inner gremlin than it is to be kind to yourself and make the right choices.

How does this all fit in with what I am doing?

In Trust Your Gut Part 56, the one linked above, I wrote about looking at myself in the mirror. As my week 2 takeaway from the VIBE method created by Coach Elaine, I decided that I was going to practice looking at myself with love when I look into my own eyes in the mirror. I want to see me, not a morbidly obese person with type 2 diabetes, just me, a person who is worthy of love.

In the session, I talked about how I feel when my husband looks into my eyes. He has always looked at me as a person, and it was one of the first things I found attracting me to him early in our relationship. It stayed with me from then and still does, as something we have always been able to do, to be connected to each other by looking into each other’s eyes.

It has been such a profound feeling for me while being in a relationship with him, that I wrote about it in the song I wrote for our wedding. (Don’t worry, I didn’t sing it for him). When I think about how our relationship started, and how we have managed to be together for 25 years, 9 of them married, I know the love I see in his eyes when he looks at me funny holds the answer.

As long as I keep trying to do better, I am winning. Maybe not on the scale every single week, but certainly in my heart, where it counts the most.

This week I will do better.

Yes, it is Thanksgiving on Monday here, in Canada, so I am not going to have a perfect week. I will indulge, eat too much, and try not to regret too many food choices. The food will be homemade, not fast food, shared with family in combination with spending time together. I may not have pie with every meal, but I may have some in moderation. Followed by a short walk if the weather cooperates.

I challenge you to look into your own eyes with kindness and love, to start healing yourself in your heart and soul. Seriously, take a look in the mirror without judgement, criticism or hate. Leave the inner gremlin under your foot on the floor, where it belongs. It doesn’t love you. You do, and you need to let yourself know that you are beautiful from the inside out. When you do this often enough, it will not only become a good habit, but you will start to see changes. A phrase came to me in my sleep a few weeks ago, and I didn’t know what it meant. I think it belongs here.

Be Your Own Inside Out

Find the love in your heart and treasure it until it grows so big you can’t keep it inside anymore. Let it radiate and glow, to be seen by and shared with everyone you meet. I am seeing this in different areas of my own life, and because I know it to be true, I know it is something we all can do. I believe in you. Start with yourself.

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

#TrustYourGut

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 73 | Looking Myself In The Eyes

Trust Your Gut: Tish’s Story; Part 63 If at first, you don’t succeed…try, try again

We have all heard this phrase at one time or another in our lives. First, it is a good way to reflect on failures, whether they are epic or tiny since it allows for the failure not to be the end, but rather a lesson. Every day is a struggle, for everyone on earth. We all have different issues, but we all have this in common. How can I be so sure? Nobody on this planet is perfect. Therefore, whether the struggle is internal or external, everyone is struggling with something. The degree of difficulty varies, but the similarity of the common thread we all share is evident.

Yesterday, I spent an hour writing a different post for Trust Your Gut this week. When I looked at the Yoast editor, I was thrilled, because I only had one issue to resolve, and it was not those troubling transition words. After a rough editing session on Wednesday, I was elated. I started working on the corrections, and then it happened. A writer’s worst nightmare. It was gone. All of my work, that beautiful post which will now be read by nobody, other than yours truly. I didn’t have a complete concept when I started writing however, I made it work. Until it disappeared.

Oh, how I wish I could make other things disappear so quickly

I wish I could type it up and delete my excess body fat for good. Wouldn’t that be amazing? What about being out of shape? Click of the mouse and I am an athlete. Wow! Wouldn’t that be super?

Or would it? Taking the easy way out of a struggle is quite possibly a dream which I share with millions of people. We are always looking for that one easy way to solve our problems. Above all, the truth is, if it was easy, it would not be an issue any more, because everyone would already be taking advantage of their own easy solution. So what is stopping us from making everything easy to do?

Consequences. There is always a catch. No matter what your struggle is about, the easy way always has one little thing which makes you think twice about going for it. The reason could be the cost, the maintenance effort, or it could be immoral. Everything has a price, and it isn’t always a monetary value.

Don’t forget about the lessons in life

No matter what you struggle with, being overweight or underweight, there are always takeaways from our journey that do not fit in a to go box. There is no one size fits all solution for people who struggle with their weight. Everyone has their own issues, and we all have to find our best way to be the healthiest version of ourselves that we can be. It isn’t about what society dictates, or the number on the scale. It isn’t about the clothes you wear to try and camouflage your imperfections.

Likewise, another thing we all have in common is the largest organ on our bodies. Our skin. No matter the colour, blemishes, freckles or imperfections, we all have skin. Thick or thin, it is essential for keeping us together; preventing us from falling apart, both literally and figuratively. Being comfortable in your own skin today is important. Right now! Stop comparing yourself to other people. You are a wonderful, unique individual, and you should be celebrated today and every day. Age, like weight, is just a number. How you feel is what should matter most of all!

Mind over matter

In my own journey, throughout my life thus far, I have learned that when I make healthier choices for myself, I feel better. This SHOULD be the easy answer for me. It is not always so simple. When I decide to put myself first and make better choices, there is usually an effort required on my part to make these decisions work. They are not the least effort possible options. I have to get up and move around to exercise. I have to put an effort into making myself be more active.

When it comes to eating healthier, it is always the best choice however it is not always an easy one. Planning and prep time add up, which makes it more complicated. I have to plan the grocery list, find what I need on sale, go to five different stores to get the ingredients, and then set up the time to prepare the meals. In addition, I must have the kitchen clean, before and after cooking. This is an idea I have blurred the lines on. I do get tired after all of this, and as a result I will sometimes take shortcuts like buying pre-chopped veggies to help speed up the process. While it is less expensive to prep everything myself, as I wrote above, the cost is not always monetary.

Losing time and finding energy

I try to be productive every day. Some days I am super productive, and other days I get nothing accomplished and do not know where the day escaped to. It is not a secret that I drink coffee and take multivitamins. I credit my energy to those two things I do, most of the time. Once in a blue moon, I will be motivated to do something that has been set aside for a while. On the other hand. there are other days I have appointments and I am on the go because I have to be.

As much as I don’t like focusing on the clock, it does help to be aware of how much time it takes to get things accomplished. However, I go through cycles of activity, cleaning sprees, cooking healthy food and taking me days to rest. All of these are important, and affect my health. When I am looking at a long list of things to do, it can be discouraging. For example, I am looking at this list, being long, in many areas of my life. I am working on myself, my home, my employment opportunities, and making the most of the time I have to do all of this.

Whatever I can or cannot do on a given day, does not make me less than my best. In other words, when I am true to myself every day, I am enough.

Since I am an overachiever, I would rather go all in than do anything part way. While I am trying to make changes for the better, there are other items on several different lists, also waiting for me to address them. I need to decide to accept what I can do as enough. As a result, this is ultimately what we all have to conclude. To go a bit further with this thought, we are worth the effort of striving for a better life, and the best we can do is enough.

Most importantly, I am all I was ever meant to be up until this very moment, and I will be better with each moment I choose to believe in myself in my future. It is time to let that little light inside of me shine bright, to lead the way to my path. Sometimes, I will go astray, but in doing so I am learning, or finding a better path. It is all up to me. I am comfortable in my own skin. It is a good way to be, and with this knowledge, I am ready to face my struggles again.

I feel like even though I have had issues this week, I am getting back to blogging as I remember from when I was consistently working at it. I hope you can get a sense of that too when you are reading. The work is familiar, and I am finally finding my way again, even with the new approach for SEO editing. How can I be so sure? I only have one answer, at this time.

Above all:

#TrustYourGut

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