Tishspiration Tuesday: My Anxiety is Real

Tishspiration Tuesday: My Anxiety is Real

I have been following different people at different times in my journey, since it started in November of 2016. There are people who inspire me, people who have become friends, and colleagues in the authorpreneur world. (Yes, that was an intentional spelling, we do combine as authors and entrepreneurs). As a result of my own curiosity and desire to learn, I have discovered that I have issues with anxiety.

I want to explain my own beliefs. First, I believe in the magic of the universe mixes equally with science. In addition, I also have a strong sense of faith. My faith tells me that I do not have to understand how they all mix together, but that they all begin with God. To clarify, I am not writing to preach, but rather to explain why I can openly accept the beliefs of others while staying true to my own.

So, are you still with me? Good. Now that I have given you a basic understanding of my own personal belief system, I can move on to what is prompting me to go there. I have friends who are believers of the magic of the universe, and one of them shared posts about anxiety.

It is more than just being stressed out.

I see a lot of the signs of anxiety in my life. Being a stubborn person, I am strong enough on an average day to use the mind over matter theory. This allows me to carry on without these signs ruling how my day will go. If I am in a situation like I was a couple of weeks ago, on the other hand, things can escalate quickly. Consequently, there are times when I do not know what is happening. Therefore if I don’t recognize the signs, I cannot manage how I am feeling. This can be scary, as a result.

In the past, it has led me to the hospital to make sure my heart is okay. It is. On the day I went to the hospital, I was having a full blown panic attack. There is no reason why I was panicking. It was my anxiety. Until I was aware of what was happening, and since the symptoms were similar to what a woman can experience when having a heart attack, I went to the hospital. Once I understood that my heart was okay, I started to feel better.

It’s complicated.

The mind can play tricks, as it did in the situation I described above. It can react in a panic attack, and leave me wondering what caused it. As an overacheiver who is all too often too hard on herself, I frequently become overwhelmed. If I am being completely honest, sometimes it happens on a delay with me. I can be perfectly fine and finished with whatever should have made me feel anxious, and then at a later time my body will react. Fun times.

More recent signs have been showing up when I am driving my car. No, it is not road rage I am referring to. It is venting, for a lack of better terms, while I am driving. This has happened in relation to my planning to be on time for something, and angry because circumstances are going to cause me to be late.

I have written about this a little on my own personal Facebook wall, and if you are a follower, then you are already aware that I have been yelling in my car. For example, I try very hard to be on time. As a result, when I am going to be late because of something like the snowplough driver going by and leaving snow in the way of me moving my car or forgetting something at home which I need for the event I am going to, the anger inside of me can cause a meltdown.

When the cork pops on the bottle of my emotions, there is a lot of force behind it.

I recently had a book signing event at a large book store. It is a well known chain within Canada, Chapters. It was a big deal. I left with enough time to arrive early. While I was on the road, I realized I had left my signs at home. Consequently, I had to turn around to go and get them. As a result of this I began losing my composure.

My husband happened to be outside working on widening the driveway and shoveling. I got him to go get the signs, and I continued on my way. After I drove away, I had a mini meltdown in my car. I yelled at myself for being late and I yelled at my husband for not going with me to support me. In addition to the eruption of my frustration, I had a few tears while I expressed my feelings. Guess what? It wasn’t anger or the things I was yelling about which caused the meltdown. It was anxiety.

I try not to keep things bottled up. When I do, it inevitably causes me to have meltdowns. For instance, I certainly never realized until recently that every time I have experienced a meltdown, that the underlying cause was anxiety. most importantly, having this knowledge is something I am going to be able to deal with a little better the next time I am freaking out.

I am glad I know what is happening.

Knowledge is power. With this information, I can learn how to avoid the meltdowns if I know what the cause of them is. I can’t say that I will never freak out or have a meltdown again. As an emotional woman, I know I need to express what I am feeling to be able to grow as a person and to be more creative. Accepting my emotions in various situations has already helped me in both of these areas. As a result, it doesn’t mean I have all of the answers, but it does give me some clues for what to watch out for.

After that, all my worrying, when I arrived at the book signing event I was right on time. On the other hand, I was a jittery mess. When the offer of coffee or water from the Manager on Duty in the store was made, I passed.I chose to have a piece of gum in my mouth, to help calm my nerves. This alone did not calm me down.

Therefore, I was an anxious author until two really good friends showed up. I had packed my own camera, but when they arrived, my friend who also takes amazing pictures was one of the two who came to see me. He took some really great pictures of me at the event, and I will share them here.

The power of friendship.

After my friends came to see me, I noticed I was calming down. As a result of seeing them, I relaxed, so much so that I was able to finish the event with ease. Upon my own reflection, I think the reason I was having such a hard time was both the location of the event, and feeling like I wasn’t getting support. Of course, I absolutely understand that my family and friends support me, and most importantly I know it. I just had to see some familiar faces in the crowd on that busy afternoon to help me remember.

My first book, From Where I am Sitting…A Collection of Cat Tales is available to purchase locally at Artful Persuasion, Chapters, Westminster Books, and Whimsy. If you do not live in Fredericton, you can visit my Bookspage to order your copy online.

In addition to my first book, I am currently writing my second book, #Tishspiration: The Art of Surprising Yourself as well as writing a short story draft for submission to an anthology. The Tishspiration Newsletter is going to be sent out in March, so don’t forget to sign up to get your copy, right from the start…and I just announced yesterday I am working on Tishspiration Station, my Youtube Channel with weekly #Tishspiration videos.

Finally, I want to say thank you to my friends.

In conclusion, I want to thank Ginger for bringing the posts to anxiety not only to my attention but to help many people who have seen them. I also want to thank Matty for taking the pictures and showing up with Ash on my event day. It really meant so much to have them show their support, and,, subsequently, they made me feel so much better during the rest of the event.

Do you have anxiety? How do you manage it in your life? Leave your comments below, and maybe we can help each other cope with it better.

Weekend Warrior #62 A Facelift!

Weekend Warrior #62 A Facelift!

In Weekend Warrior #62, a facelift is being revealed. A friend commented a few weeks ago that it would be fun to see my face on the angry tomato. I asked another friend if she could help. Ta-da! Neither Tish nor the angry tomato was harmed in any part of the process. 😀

I do still have a large amount of writing to do to catch up here. I have been slacking off, but I had a good reason. I had a family vacation trip. We went back to Cape Breton. I took the camera my friend let me borrow, and I will share some of the pictures I was able to take. I haven’t given myself a deadline for the vacation blog stories. I may actually separate it into more than one story.

This upcoming Tuesday, I plan to share a special Treasure Seekers story. Keep an eye out for it. I think it is going to be fantastic!

Okay, housekeeping is out of the way, and I am back! This weekend, I have been working a bit extra at work. I am actually thinking of doing a few hours every Saturday morning, on the days where it is possible. Vacations are expensive, and we need to buckle down and get the budget back under control. It is nice to save up for vacation, and we managed to do okay, but now we have to get a little extra cash flowing in, after spending while we travelled. We had an unexpected trip right after returning home. We got the message that my husband’s grandfather passed away while we were on the road, going home on the last travel day of the vacation. He was 92, almost 93 years old. We did get in a last visit before going home from our vacation. We were able to take a day to catch up on errands and laundry before hitting the road for Pubnico a second time in a week. We took the ferry across from Saint John to Digby both ways. It is half of the travel time to take the ferry, but twice the cost. So we are home again. It is good to be home, even though I love taking vacations with my family. The vacation itself was nice.

I have been feeling the effects of two weeks of travel, combined with a new schedule for work. I am tired. It is totally understandable. I need to keep active today, though, as I do not want to give in to a nap and mess up the new schedule before the week even starts. That is challenge number one today. I was catching up on TV after work last night, and that with a new wine review on my Facebook wall sums up my Saturday in a nutshell. Today is going to be more productive.

I cat sit for a few different people. I like cats, so I don’t mind. Sometimes I get paid in cash. Other times it is a gift. I also like to do it as it helps to know who to ask when we have pets to pet sit at our place too. We had someone to come and feed our fish while we were away. It all works out.

Today is the last day for cat sitting this time. It took 3 days for the shy cat to emerge to see me. She peeked on the first day. I didn’t see her at all on the second day. Yesterday she was out, was timid in her movements, so I waited until she seemed a little more comfortable, then I got out the cat toy. I played with her, and I think I made a friend. Today I hope to see her again. I even had a few kitty kisses yesterday. I figure she smelled cat food, but it was still cute.

The other cat has been there for a while and has memories of previous times of me cat sitting. She is not shy at all and loves to be brushed. I was brushing her when the other one started checking things out. Before I left, both cats had some brushing done. They like it, so if I have time, I spend a little extra time with them to let them know I understand that they are a little lonely without their owners around. I think they like the little extra attention. I like getting to visit with cats since we don’t have any pets other than our fish right now. It is going to be a wonderful change when we get our cat and dog. I am really looking forward to having new fur babies to love!

I have a project that has taken me WAY TOO LONG to finish. I have asked some friends to help, and I am expecting one of them to drop in later on. I can’t get into too much detail, as it is a gift and a surprise. I may not have it finished on time, but I am going to do some serious work to see if I can get it finished and sent out to the recipient soon. I do love making gifts for people. I will take a picture before sending it in the mail. I think it will be a nice surprise for this person if I ever get it finished!

Not if, when. I need to work on this. I need to finish the projects I start. I have to get some things accomplished so that I can move on to other things. Don’t get me wrong, I do finish some things, I just need to work on finishing all of the things. Then I can feel better about taking on new projects.

Which brings me to my first book. People are encouraging me to drop it for now, and write the second book instead. That may work for some people. Book 1 is in my heart, and I need to release it into the world. In my mind, if I put it aside, it may never get finished. This is why I am not into book 2, even though I know it will also be an important book, maybe with more impact and reach than the first one. But I made a promise to myself that book 1 will be written first, and I am sticking to that promise. I don’t think it is being indulgent, as it is its own story, with its own purpose. I worked on the second draft over the vacation, and plan to schedule it in wherever it fits in the next month to get it ready for editing and launching on September 30th. I gave myself time to finish, and I am planning to do just that. My second book is going to be ready before the end of the year. I know what I have planned for it, I just need to finish book 1, then move into book 2 and write it as fast as I can! With the excitement I have for both books, this will not be a problem at all.

Well, Weekend Warriors, what do you think of the new Weekend Warrior angry tomato? I think my friend did an amazing job of turning me into the angry tomato. How is your summer going? Did you do anything exciting this weekend? Let me know in the comments. I love to read about what other people are doing!

 

 

 

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